ButterCup Gets Settled In


I regret to inform everybody that, as it turns out, there was no Well-Attended Extravaganza celebrating the Momentous Occasion of my 45th Birthday. It was just ButterCup and me, which was highly disappointing, but ButterCup did get me a Single-Serving HoneyCake that had a candle stuck in it, and surprised me with a Gift, which turned out to bee a Used User Manual for a Model 387-X ExerciseX Exercise Cycle. It’s incredibly Boring, but at least it was Festively Wrapped.

When I asked her “what’s with the Used User Manual?”, she said, “It was my understanding that you enjoy reading.”
“Reading?” I asked her.
“Exactly,” she said.
“I suppose I do, but did you also get me the Used Exercise Cycle? Do you have that hidden someplace around here so I’ll bee Surprised?”
“No,” she said. “There’s no way I’m putting one of those things in this ShoeBox. I know you. You’d maybee use it for a week, then we’d have to spend the rest of our lives bumping into that Thing. I just won’t have it.”
“Fine,” I said.

Then she said, “Now would you please just make your Wish, blow out your Candle, eat this Low-Cal Gluten-Free Organic Single-Serving HoneyCake I made for you, and let’s get on with the Day, okay?”
“Fine,” I said, so I did that.

The HoneyCake was Highly Dry and kind of felt a lot like Warm Sawdust in my Mouthparts, but I ate the whole thing anyway, mostly, except for that one Bite ButterCup took which she didn’t seem to enjoy at all, understandably.

Anyway, after the Party, we were able to spend the rest of the Weekend just Relaxing and spending some Quality Downtime together. I asked her if she would like to Stream the first 12 Episodes of the new Season of “Escape from Bee Island”.
“I suppose,” she said.
“Great,” I said. “I’ll get everything ready.”

I wanted to bee sure that while we were Streaming, neither one of us would ever have to get up and go to the Kitchen for a Refreshing Beverage or something to Munch, so I went into the Kitchen and put together a Sizeable Platter of Great Grandma Royal Gee Gee’s HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, a Large Bowlful of Pollen Puffs, and I prepared two pitchers full of Delightfully Chilled and Refreshingly Delicious Honeysuckle Nectar Fizzes, then I brought them into the Living Room and set it all down beetween ButterCup and me.

I was all ready to hit “PLAY”, when ButterCup held up her Wing and said “Hold it right there - don’t touch that button.”

She looked at the Munchies, then looked at me, then she looked at the Munchies, then looked at me again and said, “You have quite the Appetite for Questionably Nutritious Foods and Beverages, don’t you?”
“Well YEAH,” I told her, “of course I do.”
“Yes, well, it shows - a lot,” she said.
“What the Hell do you mean by that?” I had to know.
“What that means, Georgie, is that you’re getting a bit Plump,” she said. “Maybee you haven’t taken a good Look at yourself in the Mirror lately, but I can’t help but make the Observation that you need to go on a Strict Diet, and as soon as possible.”
“A Diet?” I asked.
“Not just a Diet,” she said, “a Strict Diet. And we’re going to start right now by disposing of these Cookies, all these Pollen Puffs, and we’ll bee replacing this Nectar with Water.”
“Yes Water. If you think I’m going to just sit idly by and watch a Bee of your Rapidly Advancing Age grow into the size of an Overinflated Bumblebee as you suck down all those Cookies, Puffs and Nectar - all of which are exploding with Calories, by the way - you have another thing coming. I’m simply not going to allow you to do that to yourself, not as long as I’m living here,” she said very Convincingly.

Geeeeeeze. The very last thing I ever wanted to have to do was to go on a Diet, but it appears I don’t have much of a Choice.

As for the rest of the Weekend, I’m going to make a long story short here and just ask: have you ever tried to sit there and Stream 12 Episodes of Bee Island with nothing to Munch on, and nothing but Water to sip on? Have you? I think there’s room to beelieve you haven’t. But that’s what we did, ButterCup and I: we sat there watching those 12 Episodes and sipped Water. We didn’t even have any Umbrellas or Bendy Straws. Seriously now. And now, I’m told that until I lose at least 0.87 grams, and 2.31946772 mm off my Waste, I can’t have anymore HoneyChew Krisp Cookies, I can’t indulge in any Honey-Smother Pollen Puffs, and I can’t enjoy any more Nectar Fizzes - Or Else.

If you ask me, that’s beeyond Way Extreme, don’t you?
I think I should go around as ask around and find out if anybody else agrees with me on this.

So I’m gonna go do that.


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