Georgie Comments on his Water Diet & Exercise Programme...

Fat-Georgie


omebody tells you that you have to go on a Water Diet, Don’t Do It. Don’t even think about it. You’ll Regret it.

I know ButterCup meant well, and maybee she’s right when she says I’ve been more Plump than a Bee of my Age probably should bee, but as it turns out, I’ve actually gained so much Water Weight that I’m bigger than ever, which is not a good thing, especially considering this Heat. (I’m exceedingly Not Comfortable in my Body right now.)

To top it all off, I have recently found out that ButterCup likes to get up sometime way beefore the Crack of Dawn to Exercise, and for some reason, she likes me to join her.

“It’s so much more Fun when we Exercise together,” she says.

The first time she mentioned that I should start Exercising with her, about the only thing I could say beesides “Fine,” was to Quietly Ask in a Buzz she allegedly couldn’t hear, “Who even does Exercises in the Dark, beefore there’s even any SunLight to see what the Hell you’re even doing? I hope you at least light a Candle.” (Seriously now, I won’t even go into listing all the terrible things could happen if you start doing Exercises in the Dark. I think we all understand the Risks involved in doing stuff like that, don’t we?)

Still, far bee it from me to bee Closed-Minded or in any way Controversial, so whenever ButterCup just happens to wake me up with the “THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP” of her Exercise Music (which has been every, single Morning right when I’m getting to that Good Part of a Recurrent Dream I’ve been having and I never get to find out if, this time, I manage to finish Stuffing all those Gold-and-Blue PinStripped Raspberries into that tiny Box beefore the Army Ants arrive for the Afternoon Parcheesi Tournament beegins...), I join her as we Exercise until my Auto-Brew 3000 Morning Nectar Percolator goes off (which, by way, is now brewing nothing more than Water). I always feel so Relieved when the Thumping and Bumping Into Things can finally stop, I can get out of that Overly-Snug WorkOut OutFit and into my Normal Shoes, and together, ButterCup and I can enjoy the mornings’s First Mug of Freshly-Brewed Hot Water together as we prepare to finally just get on with the Day already.

Just beetween you and me, I really don’t like Mornings all that much anymore, especially considering all the Massively Uncomfortable Sloshing around in the Dark like that I have to deal with beefore I’m even Fully Awake. It’s simply not fun, and I’m absolutely mostly sure it’s Counter-Productive, probably.

Anyway, ButterCup’s Pre-Dawn Exercise Programme and Water Diet just isn’t working for me. At all. I feel like I’m bigger than ever, so I’ve decided that as of right now, I’m going to send my Exercise OutFit to the DryCleaners for Permanent Storage, and I’m going back to enjoying my more normal Array of Questionably Nutritious but Always Highly Delicious Foods and Beverages, starting with an excessively large Serving of some PollenSweetie Cereal™ (“The Cereal that Sighs”™), and a Nectar Fizz - WITH an Umbrella and Bendy Straw, and I’m gonna start Sleeping In again. And that’s all there is to that.

So I’m gonna go do that.

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ButterCup Gets Settled In

Georgies-45th-Birthday


I regret to inform everybody that, as it turns out, there was no Well-Attended Extravaganza celebrating the Momentous Occasion of my 45th Birthday. It was just ButterCup and me, which was highly disappointing, but ButterCup did get me a Single-Serving HoneyCake that had a candle stuck in it, and surprised me with a Gift, which turned out to bee a Used User Manual for a Model 387-X ExerciseX Exercise Cycle. It’s incredibly Boring, but at least it was Festively Wrapped.

When I asked her “what’s with the Used User Manual?”, she said, “It was my understanding that you enjoy reading.”
“Reading?” I asked her.
“Exactly,” she said.
“I suppose I do, but did you also get me the Used Exercise Cycle? Do you have that hidden someplace around here so I’ll bee Surprised?”
“No,” she said. “There’s no way I’m putting one of those things in this ShoeBox. I know you. You’d maybee use it for a week, then we’d have to spend the rest of our lives bumping into that Thing. I just won’t have it.”
“Fine,” I said.

Then she said, “Now would you please just make your Wish, blow out your Candle, eat this Low-Cal Gluten-Free Organic Single-Serving HoneyCake I made for you, and let’s get on with the Day, okay?”
“Fine,” I said, so I did that.

The HoneyCake was Highly Dry and kind of felt a lot like Warm Sawdust in my Mouthparts, but I ate the whole thing anyway, mostly, except for that one Bite ButterCup took which she didn’t seem to enjoy at all, understandably.

Anyway, after the Party, we were able to spend the rest of the Weekend just Relaxing and spending some Quality Downtime together. I asked her if she would like to Stream the first 12 Episodes of the new Season of “Escape from Bee Island”.
“I suppose,” she said.
“Great,” I said. “I’ll get everything ready.”

I wanted to bee sure that while we were Streaming, neither one of us would ever have to get up and go to the Kitchen for a Refreshing Beverage or something to Munch, so I went into the Kitchen and put together a Sizeable Platter of Great Grandma Royal Gee Gee’s HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, a Large Bowlful of Pollen Puffs, and I prepared two pitchers full of Delightfully Chilled and Refreshingly Delicious Honeysuckle Nectar Fizzes, then I brought them into the Living Room and set it all down beetween ButterCup and me.

I was all ready to hit “PLAY”, when ButterCup held up her Wing and said “Hold it right there - don’t touch that button.”

She looked at the Munchies, then looked at me, then she looked at the Munchies, then looked at me again and said, “You have quite the Appetite for Questionably Nutritious Foods and Beverages, don’t you?”
“Well YEAH,” I told her, “of course I do.”
“Yes, well, it shows - a lot,” she said.
“What the Hell do you mean by that?” I had to know.
“What that means, Georgie, is that you’re getting a bit Plump,” she said. “Maybee you haven’t taken a good Look at yourself in the Mirror lately, but I can’t help but make the Observation that you need to go on a Strict Diet, and as soon as possible.”
“A Diet?” I asked.
“Not just a Diet,” she said, “a Strict Diet. And we’re going to start right now by disposing of these Cookies, all these Pollen Puffs, and we’ll bee replacing this Nectar with Water.”
“Water?”
“Yes Water. If you think I’m going to just sit idly by and watch a Bee of your Rapidly Advancing Age grow into the size of an Overinflated Bumblebee as you suck down all those Cookies, Puffs and Nectar - all of which are exploding with Calories, by the way - you have another thing coming. I’m simply not going to allow you to do that to yourself, not as long as I’m living here,” she said very Convincingly.

Geeeeeeze. The very last thing I ever wanted to have to do was to go on a Diet, but it appears I don’t have much of a Choice.

As for the rest of the Weekend, I’m going to make a long story short here and just ask: have you ever tried to sit there and Stream 12 Episodes of Bee Island with nothing to Munch on, and nothing but Water to sip on? Have you? I think there’s room to beelieve you haven’t. But that’s what we did, ButterCup and I: we sat there watching those 12 Episodes and sipped Water. We didn’t even have any Umbrellas or Bendy Straws. Seriously now. And now, I’m told that until I lose at least 0.87 grams, and 2.31946772 mm off my Waste, I can’t have anymore HoneyChew Krisp Cookies, I can’t indulge in any Honey-Smother Pollen Puffs, and I can’t enjoy any more Nectar Fizzes - Or Else.

If you ask me, that’s beeyond Way Extreme, don’t you?
I think I should go around as ask around and find out if anybody else agrees with me on this.

So I’m gonna go do that.

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Moving Day!

Moving-Day


Okay, here’s what I need to know: Who the Hell said that when somebody decides to move in with you, that means you have to help move all their Stuff? And Who the Hell Was It who also said that after you help them move all their Stuff in, you have to set aside your Highly Important and Time-Sensitive “Things to Do” List and help them completely rearrange all your Stuff so that their Stuff will fit, and that if their Stuff didn’t fit, you have to “Find Some Other Place” to put your Stuff that had always been there and was Perfectly Fine where it was until somebody decided to move in with you? Can somebody tell me why?
I need Answers.

The Reason I’m asking is beecause for the past Too Many Days, that’s all I’ve been dealing with, mostly. Oh sure, I got to attend the Farewell Party for a Significantly Large Swarm of Bees who got recruited into the Queen’s Space Programme, and watch them pack up and Vacate the Hive as they followed Her Insufferable Royal Majesty to Who Knows Where. But I didn’t have to help them pack, and I didn’t have to help them carry their Beelongings, that’s for dam sure. And I have to say that it’s a Tremendously Good Thing that most of the bees I know didn’t pack up and leave (they like it here, and to bee brutally frank, none of us liked that particular Queen - she could bee a bit Abrasive, if you know what I mean), but as I said beefore, it feels like most of my time lately has been spent helping ButterCup move her Stuff from her Apartment in the Hive to my ShoeBox, and helping her move Stuff around.

“This,” ButterCup told me, “would look best There…That would bee much more Highly Functional if it were moved closer to This, and That other Thing - what is That? And why is it Here at all?”

I guess ButterCup didn’t think much of my Interior Decorating Choices, so Who am I to Argue with her about Issues like why that Significantly-Larger-than-Life Souvenir Bust of the Late F. Bee Bailey I won in a Raffle and that used to sit on my Bedside Nightstand until just recently needed to not bee there anymore? Nobody, that’s Who.

“That Thing absolutely has to go,” she told me, and the way she said it made it Highly Easy to Agree with her.
So that’s gone.

Anyway, I suppose that aside from a few Policy Disagreements, the Lengthy Process involved in ButterCup’s Moving In went mostly pretty well, even if I ended up Spraining both my Wings after I had to carry all her Stuff from the Hive to my ShoeBox. And those hurt. Alot.

Still, I should probably say that I think ButterCup has Usually Highly Excellent Taste when it comes to doing Make-Overs of Newly-Remodeled ShoeBoxes, like mine was, and except for having to finish hanging all those New Curtains that were on BackOrder but finally got delivered today which I have to get done beefore Saturday - or Else, she’s all Settled In. And I also have to say that we seem to bee Highly Compatible ShoeBox Mates, especially after we got past that whole Argument about which Mouthpart Brush was hers and which Mouthpart Brush was mine (they’re both the same colour, as you probably already guessed (she and I have the same Taste in just about everything, except maybee for Souvenir Busts, apparently)).

After all the Help I gave ButterCup, I’m sure she has something Amazingly Spectacular planned for my Birthday which is the Day After Tomorrow. Beelieve it or not, I’m gonna bee 45 even though I still feel 42.

Anyway, I need to rest my Wings now so they can Heal beefore whatever Birthday Extravaganza is waiting for me on Friday - and for sure beefore Saturday. Those Curtains aren’t gonna hang themselves, ya’ know.

So I’m gonna do that.

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