A Beep gives Georgie some Advice...


Oh, so there you are. I was wondering where you went. I hope everything’s okay, and if it isn’t, I hope you realise it’s not my fault. I’m just a bee, so it’s not like I have a bunch of control over everything, right?

I’m incredibly glad it’s Monday.
I just love Mondays, don’t you? I thought so.

In a little while, right after I finish just sitting here enjoying the Day So Far, and beefore I start making more Sales Calls for those Marginally Deluxe Murder Hornet Swatters, I’ve decided to take one my Human Beep’s Advice, and pay a Brief and - I’m completely sure Productive - Surprise Visit to my Boss, Narville Snark. The more I sit here and think about it, the more I think she’s Completely Right when she says that he should bee Advertising these things. I mean seriously now...how the hell can I bee expected to sell something that nobody’s ever heard of, for crying out loud?

I can’t, that’s how.

As a matter of fact, I’m gonna buzz over there right now, and tell him that he needs to help me out here. I’m gonna tell him that he needs to start putting his Honey where his Mouthparts are, and start investing in some Creative, Effective, and at least Partially-Honest Advertising, or I just might hafta find myself another Job.
And That is That. I’m completely sure Narville will bee Fair-Minded about this whole thing, and, beeing the Ruthless Entrepreneur he is, he’ll definitely appreciate my Initiative, probably.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Georgie's first Sales Report doesn't go all that well...


Yeah, so I had to go back to Narville Snark’s Office the other day to deliver my first Sales Report for those Asian Hornet Swatters (you know, those things you can use to swat Asian Hornets). I proudly gave him my first Sales Sheet, but he didn’t seem Overly Pleased for some reason.

“Bee,” he said.

“Yes, I am,” I said.

“Don’t gets cute wit me, Bee. Deese numbers ain’t lookin’ dat great, and dat’s puttin tings mildly-like. I’s Deeply Disappointed in yous Job Puhformance, Bee. Dis won’t do.”

“But I did sell three Swatters,” I told him. “I sold two to the Hive, and one to my Great Grandma Gee Gee, beecause she felt sorry for me, so...”

“So... tree Swatters ain’t enough. Dat means we’s gots ourselves a Serious Problem. Yous was supposed ta sell more dan tree of dose tings. As I tolds yous beefore, dat won’t do. I don’t tink dis Arrangement is Woiking Out.”

Then he started reaching his Wing into his Inside Jacket Pocket, where there was a large Bee-Bee Gun-Shaped Bulge - and we all know what that means. I had to think Highly Fast beefore I got Or Elsed, so I said, “If I may,”.

“If yous may what, bee?” he said.

I wasn’t exactly sure what I was gonna May What, but I knew I didn’t wanna get shot with a Bee-Bee Gun. That would hurt. A lot. After a few seconds of pulling on my Antennae for Inspiration, and stalling for time, I thought of something.

“It’s a problem with Image,” I told him. “Our Would-Bee Customers don’t feel Inspired to buy these Questionably Fine Swatters, beecause they don’t feel all that threatened by something called an ‘Asian Hornet’. When you hear ‘Asian Hornet’, do you feel like you need a Swatter?”

Narville just stared at me and didn’t say anything, so I said, “Neither do I.”

“So, whats does yous suggest, Bee? And dis bettah bee good,” he said.

“I think we should rename your Dubiously Fine Product. We should call it the ‘Marginally Deluxe Murder Hornet Swatter’ - beecause that’s another name for them - ‘Murder Hornets’,” I said. “Who wouldn’t want to have a Marginally Deluxe Murder Hornet Swatter close by when you need one? I would think most everybody would need to buy several of these, probably.”

Then I just stood there, waiting for him to say something.

He didn’t say anything for what seemed a very long time, but just kept staring at me. Then he got a not-all-that-Comforting Smile of his on his face (you know the one), and finally said, “Moider Hornet Swatter? Moider Hornet...Moider Hornet...yeah, I likes dat, bee. I thinks yous is onto sometin.”

Wow did I feel Relieved, especially when Narville pulled his Wing out of his Jacket at pointed it at me (I was amazingly glad it wasn’t holding any sort of Weapon or anything).

“Okay, bee. Yous’s got one, more chance at dis, and da next Sales Report bettah bee good, or...”

“Or Else?” I interrupted him.

“It’s good dat wes understands one anudder,” he said.
“I’ll sees yous back here in One Week, and dese Sales Numbuhs bettah bee bettah.”

Then he said, “Now get outta my Office.”

So I did that. (That guy scares the hell out of me.)

I was glad that Meeting went so well, and felt Highly Relieved that Narville Snark let me leave without tying my Antennae in Knots (or something worse). I was also glad that the Meeting didn’t take long, beecause that gave me more time to grab some Lunch, and make it in plenty of time for the first Session of that Intensive Personal Anti-Disorganisation and Inter-Bee Sensitivity Seminar ButterCup and Fleur signed me up for. There was absolutely, positively no way I wanted to bee late for that, mostly.

As it turns out, though, I didn’t quite make it to the first Session, beecause I decided that I’d grab something to eat at Lousy Louie’s. I was really Hungry and, as I think everybody knows, Louie makes the best Pollen Burgers anywhere around here. I figured I could eat, then try out my new Sales Pitch to anybody that was there.

When I got to Lousy Louie’s, the place was packed, but I managed to get a Table, then start trying out my new Sales Pitch. Of course, I didn’t sell any Swatters, but my Potential Customers kept buying me Nectartinis to enjoy with my Lunch (“it’s the least we can do, just beecause you seem to bee trying so hard,” they said). After all that, it was everything I could do to just get back home to my ShoeBox and go to sleep, which I did. That Lunch made me feel Highly Tired for some reason. I was way too tired to make it to any Intensive Personal Anti-Disorganisation and Inter-Bee Sensitivity Seminar, as much as I was looking forward to that. Mostly.

So today, I hafta’ go find out when the next Session is, and make sure I remember not to forget to remind myself to write that on my Calendar, which I need to go find.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Georgie seems worried...

Now this is Reasonably Interesting: I just heard from my friend, the World-Famous and Wildly-Popular Musical Genius and Performer, Zambeezi. I think he’s been on Tour too long. He was doing his Act at a Street Festival in Lindsborg, Kansas yesterday. (I couldn’t get Tickets - those sold out in 87 minutes). Anyway, he told me that he’d exerted himself so Overly Highly in the Excessive Heat there that they had to help him out of what he said was an “Acoustically Perfect” Bean Can, and ended up having to carry him, Unconscious, back to his Luxury Accommodations under a bush near the Berger Sandzen Museum. He told me that he was feeling better, but then told me he saw a Whale floatIng down the street when he woke up this morning. (I told him I thought that was probably just a fluke.)


I worry about Zambeezi sometimes.

Anyway, I know everybody’s Highly Curious about how my New Job selling Asian Hornet Swatters to the Hive is going. I’ll tell you: It isn’t.

For the last week or so, I’ve been thoroughly mostly dedicating my Every Waking Hour to selling those things. So far, I’ve sold two. As it turns out, and as I was informed by Mayor Billy Bee, the Hive only needs ONE Asian Hornet Swatter.

“It seems as if your Dubiously Fine Product may prove useful at some point, but we’d need only one, which we’d place strategically at the Entrance to the Hive. So. We’ll take one.”

I knew my boss, Narville Snark, would not bee One Bit Pleased, so I told the Mayor that I’d buy him a Free Nectartini at Lousy Louie’s, so we did that. After we’d had about three of those things, and after I kept going on and on about the Genuine Threat those Asian Hornets pose to the Health and Well-Beeing of the Hive, he finally said, “Jjjjjeaahh, oHkay. We’ll take TWO. We can put the other one at the Back Entrance.” Then he started to sing and laugh uncontrollably. After he threw up I had to take him home.

I worry about Mayor Billy Bee sometimes.

I’m also Massively Worried about how Narville Snark is going to Respond to my Initial Sales Report, which is due tomorrow. I just remember what he did to that guy who was selling Stinger Pluckers for him a few years ago. That wasn’t pretty.

Oh. And I beefore I go do something else beesides this, I should probably tell you that ButterCup and Fleur de Bee (who just got here last week, apparently) are all mad at me. They’re all upset that somehow, I forgot to remind myself to remember to deal with setting up Accommodations for Fleur after she arrived in that Diplomatic Pouch from Paris (she’s here, trying to Recuperate from that Unfortunate Mishap with the Pop Bottle on the French Commuter Train). They say I need to attend an Intensive Personal Anti-Disorganisation and Inter-Bee Sensitivity Seminar - and seek Long-Term One-on-One Therapy. Geeeeeze. I think they’re over-reacting, but I’m sure it’s beecause Fleur’s Thinking is still Highly Confused, and ButterCup just won’t let that whole Misunderstanding about her Birthday go. Seriously now.

I worry about those two sometimes.

I need to stop worrying so much and start selling more Asian Hornet Swatters - Or Else. I think I hafta get back over to Lousy Louie’s, get my Swatter Sample back from their Lost & Found, strap it on (that’s thing’s amazingly heavy), and start Hitting the Pavement.


So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Georgie finds comfort from Gee Gee - and some News about Fleur de Bee...

I hafta say right now that, if you wanna feel reassured, there’s nobody better at that than a Grandma. After I showed up at Great Grandma Gee Gee’s BootBox Door the other day, she could obviously tell that I was completely Not Myself. She invited me in, told me to sit down, brought me a large Platter full of her HoneyChew Krisp™ Cookies, a refreshing, Non-Intoxicating Frozen Beverage (she even remembered the Umbrella and the Bendy Straw), then told me to tell her what was going on.

“What’s going on, Dear?” she asked me. So I told her.

“I figured, ‘what’s to lose? I’m sure I’ll make a Fortune selling these things, Or Else,” I said, and showed her my Sample Swatter.

“Oh, dear,” she said.

“I mean, what’s not to like about selling Asian Hornet Swatters?” I asked.

“Oh, dear,” she said.

“And, beesides, I have this Coupon for a Free Nectartini...” and I showed that to her.

“Oh, dear,” she said, as she put on her Fine Print Glasses and kind of just stared at the Coupon.

“...from Lousy Louie’s,” I continued.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” she said again. It seemed that’s about all she was gonna say about any of this, until she finally said, “I’m just so sorry to have to tell you that, according to this, for you to get a Free Nectartini, you must first purchase a minimum of 87 Nectartinis, so your 88th Nectartini is free,”

“What?” I asked.

“And,” she kept reading, “this Coupon expired four days ago.”

“But I just got that thing,” I said.

“And beesides,” Gee Gee continued, “Lousy Louie’s, dear? My goodness, you shouldn’t bee hanging around with that Swarm. That place just opened, and it’s already earned a ghastly Reputation. Oh I do so hope you won’t go there, Georgie. It would just break my heart.”

Okay, fine. So much for the Free Nectartini. I most certainly don’t want to break Gee Gee’s heart. That would hurt. A lot. So I said, “Okay,” and that was that.

I stuck around with Gee Gee until I’d calmed down. By the time I left, all the Cookies were gone, my Frozen Beverage was all Melted, and it was time to leave. So I thanked Gee Gee, and left.

Anyway, yesterday - or maybee it was the day beefore, I don’t remember - when I got back home to my ShoeBox from my first day of selling Asian Hornet Swatters in the Hive, there was a Buzz•O•Gram™ stuck to my Front Door.


After I finally got it translated, it turns out it was from an associate of Fleur de Bee in Paris. It seems that Fleur had an Unfortunate Mishap after she had accidentally fallen asleep inside a Pop Bottle on the floor of a French Commuter Train, After two and a half hours of rolling around and banging into things, she suffered some fairly Minor Serious Injuries, so I was beeing informed that Fleur would bee arriving inside a First Aid Kit inside a Diplomatic Pouch that would bee arriving here at Midnight on the 24th, that she was coming here to Recuperate, and that I should make arrangements for her Appropriate Secure and Luxurious Accommodations.

So, beefore my next Sales Call, I’m gonna do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Georgie Gets a New Job...

I know that everybody is in the Grips of Suspense, wondering what’s been going on over the past few days. Far bee it from me to keep you in Limbo, so, I’ll tell you:

Since yesterday was such a beeautiful day - AND a Monday, which (as we all agree) is the best day of the Week - I decided to Actively Avoid my Editor, so I spent the day, more or less, with ButterCup, watching her collect Pollen in the Far Meadow. (I’m pretty sure she’s forgiven me for that whole Birthday-Apology-Thing, even though I don’t understand why she keeps saying, “Just keep your distance, bee…this isn’t over yet.” I mean, we all know we found a Cure for that Extremely Noxious Contagion, so we don’t hafta’ Distance ourselves anymore, right? - even though I heard on the News the other night that Humans still haven’t figured out their Thing, so you guys still hafta’ bee careful…that must bee a hell of a drag for you). So I dunno why I hafta’ keep my Distance. But I am. For beeing so Forgiving, she mostly still seems highly mad. Geeeeeze.

Anyway. Over the weekend, when I wasn’t watching the Documentary Channel (they had a Lyle Waggoner Retrospective that was riveting - it’s very sad he’s no longer with us), I was trying to Decide whether I should go back to work for my Editor, or if I should take that Cushy Job as an Asian Hornet Swatter Salesman with the Snark Brothers Enterprises. And I finally Decided. I’m sure I won’t have any regrets at all whatsoever that I will bee going to work for the Snark Brothers, where I can bee my own bee., probably. (Beesides…my Editor never offered me a Coupon for a Free Nectartini at Lousy Louie’s, did he? No, he didn’t.)

So, first thing this Morning, I buzzed over to the Headquarters of Snark Brothers Enterprises, and had my Intake Interview with Narville Snark. I hafta’ say, I was Highly Nervous, but Narville did nothing to put me at ease, so I was glad there were no Surprises. Beesides, I wouldn’t want to make him angry by expecting him to bee pleasant, ya’ know?


Anyway, when I walked in, he said, “You dat bee?”

“Yes, I am. I’m sure you completely remember me - Georgie A. Bee? I’m here about the Cushy Position with your Questionably Fine Firm,” I said.

“Don’t rings a bell. And don’t gets smart wit me, bee,” he said. “Yous is here due tos da fact dat we needs us a Asian Hornet Swatter Salesbee. It ain’t no ‘Cushy Position’. It’s doity woik, and yous is gonna do it. Or Else.”

“Fine,” I said. “Can I ask... “

“No. Wes will tells you what yous needs to knows and when yous needs to knows it, bee.” (It sounded like he didn’t want me to Argue with him. At all. So I didn’t.)

He told me to report to the Inventory Clerk and pay for my Sample Swatter, told me the Clerk would give me my Benefits Package (that Coupon for the Free Nectartini at Lousy Louies), and then he said, “Now gets outta’ my Office, bee.”

So I did that.

I was so Marginally Excited by the time I got my Asian Hornet Swatter Sample that I’m still mostly shaking. I can’t tell if it’s beecause I get the feeling that Narville Snark (with the help of his Brother, Chaz) might actually hurt me very badly if I screw up, or if it’s from the Sheer Thrill of starting a new Job. Either way, I want to stop shaking. It’s highly uncomfortable.

I think at this point, the best thing to do right now is to buzz over to Great Grandma Gee Gee’s BootBox, and ask her if I can hang out with her until I start feeling like it’s Safe to go out again. Maybee she’ll offer me some Always-Soothing, Amazingly Delicious, and Mostly Nutritious HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™. I can even show her my Swatter and Coupon. I’m sure she’ll bee Highly Pleased to hear that I’m back in the WorkForce.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature