Kevin gets Dressed Up and pays Georgie a Visit in the Hive Clinic...


Yeah, so this is Kevin again (you know - my Uncle Georgie’s allegedly Illegitimate Nephew). I know everybody is anxious to hear about how Uncle Georgie’s doing after his Run-In with the Snark Brothers.

Great Grandma Gee Gee was Kind enough to help me get dressed in my Official Get Dressed Up Suit - we figured that if I looked my Best, Nurse Beeatrice might bee willing to let me in to Visit my Uncle. Fortunately, we were right, though she (Nurse Beeatrice) would only let me visit for approximately 23 Seconds. That didn’t give me much time to really find out how Georgie’s doing, but I can tell you this: he’s still in a pretty bad way, and he was very Groggy.

Still, he was able to tell me that they’ve been showing Old Movies to the Patients. He told me that he had just watched that Movie, “Gravity”, and told me that he was exceedingly Upset about George Clooney dying in Space like that. I tried to tell him that George Clooney hadn’t really died, but he didn’t beelieve me. It was very clear that Georgie isn’t Thinking quite Clearly yet.

I wanted to ask him if he needed anything, but beefore he could answer, Nurse Beeatrice came in and said, “Get the hell out of here and stop bothering the Patient.”

She’s unbeelievably rude.

Anyway, we’re all hoping my Uncle will bee Released from the Hive Clinic soon, but until then, I’ll still try to keep everybody Posted about how he’s doing.

Thank you for your Patience, and I’ll bee in touch. -

An Important Message from Kevin...


Hello. This is Kevin. In case we haven’t met, I’m my Uncle Georgie’s Illegitimate Nephew. I’ve been asked by my Uncle to convey his Deepest Regrets that he is currently unable to communicate Directly with you due to a recent Misunderstanding which led to his having suffered Numerous Injuries which were Inflicted on him by his most recent Employer, the Snark Brothers.

Evidently, Narville and Chaz Snark were not particularly Pleased when Georgie submitted his Resignation as their Door-to-Door Snarkware™ Rubber Dinner and Cookware SalesBee. Regrettably, Georgie was “Or Elsed”, and as a Result, had to bee Admitted to the Hive Clinic’s Relatively Intensive Care Unit, where he’ll bee Convalescing under the Questionable Care of Nurse Beeatrice. But beecause Nurse Beeatrice refuses to allow any Direct Contact with the Patient (Georgie), I will over the next We Don’t Know How Many Days or Weeks bee doing my Level Best to keep you, his Beeloved Readers, Informed of his Status and Progress to the Greatest Extent Possible.

Currently, Georgie is resting Mostly Comfortably under Nurse Beeatrice’s Watchful Compound Eyes, and is Highly Hopeful that he will soon bee well enough to Escape.

Thank you for your Patience, and I’ll bee in touch. -

Georgie is on the Mend...


You’re probably Wondering where I’ve been and what I’ve been Up To for the past, few weeks, aren’t you? Raise your Wing if you’ve been Curious. That looks like most of you. (You can put your Wing down now.)

So I think we all know that we had to get through a pretty nasty Cold Snap. I had every Intention of just staying Inside my Shoe Box with Potato (my Sensory-Impaired Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug) and watching my Stories on TV. But did that happen? No, it did not. Instead of staying Inside and Warm, I had to go out and do my best to sell the Snark’s new Line of Rubber Dinnerware & Cookware (“If it doesn’t Bounce, it’s not SnarkWare” is their new Marketing Slogan) as a Door-to-Door Salesbee. As much as I tried to bee Conscientious and Bundle Up to stay Warm, I neglected to make sure both of my Antennae were Properly Protected. As a Result, one of them - my Right Antenna, to bee Specific - suffered a Mildly Severe Case of FrostBite. (Have you ever had FrostBite on your Antenna? If so, you know it Hurts. A lot.) I was Highly Worried that it might have gotten so Frozen that it would actually Snap Off, so after my last Sales Call, I went to the Hive Clinic to Deal with that.

Of course, Ph.Bee, the Hive Doctor, wasn’t in (he rarely is), so I had to deal with Nurse Beeatrice.

“You again? What is it this time?” she asked me when I walked into the Clinic’s Exam Room.

“It’s my Antenna. I beelieve I may bee suffering from a Bad Case of FrostBite,” I told her. “Do you think you can help me out with it?”

Nurse Beeatrice walked up to me, grabbed my Antenna with her Wing and started Yanking on it.

“Your Antenna seems perfectly fine to me,” she told me.

“No,” I told her, “it’s the other Antenna, the Right one.”

“My right or yours?” she asked.

“My right,” I told her.

“You should have said so in the first place,” she said. “I don’t appreciate Wasting my Time Examining something that doesn’t need to be Examined.”

Nurse Beeatrice continued to Lecture me about not Wasting her Time for the next 32 Minutes which turned out to bee a Good Thing beecause it gave my Right Antenna a chance to Thaw Out beefore she started Yanking on it.

“I do see that you’ve suffered some Minor Damage to your Antenna,” Beeatrice said, “but I beelieve it can bee Saved, probably.” Then she gave me a Packet that contained Patient Post-Examination Care Instructions. “If you want to save your Antenna, then for the next, Three Weeks, you must follow the Step-by-Step Instructions which, along with your Billing Invoice which must bee paid in full prior to your leaving the Clinic, is included in this Post-Examination Patient Care Packet. Failure to follow these Instructions could result in Loss of your Antenna.” Then she gave me a Post-Examination Patient Care Release Form and said, “Beefore you leave, you must sign this Post-Examination Patient Care Release Form which Indemnifies the Hive Clinic and the Clinic Staff - which includes me - from any and all Liability which may or may not Arise from your Failure to follow the Easy-to-Follow Instructional Sheet contained in the Post-Examination Patient Care Packet.”

So I did that. Then Nurse Beeatrice told me to get the hell out of her Exam Room, so I did that also, as well.

When I got back home to my ShoeBox, I read the Instruction Sheet she gave me, which were simple enough.
It said:

“Treatment of Possible Antenna(e) FrostBite

1) For the next, Three Weeks, the Patient must wrap his, her, or their Antenna(e) with Semi-Sterile, Pre-Warmed Cotton Balls. The Cotton Balls must bee Changed every Four Hours - Or Else.

2) The Patient is Advised to Refrain from any unnecessary Lifting, Flying, Buzzing, or Door-to-Door Sales during Treatment, and until the Antenna(e) is (are) Fully Healed.

Of course, that meant that for the past Three Weeks, I’ve had to do Nothing but just sit here, bee Quiet and keep Changing my Pre-Heated Cotton Balls. (I hafta’ say that I really Appreciated the fact that Potato was kind enough to Pre-Heat the Cotton Balls and help wrap my Antenna - that was not only Exceedingly Soothing, but it really took a Load Off. I’m also Glad that she didn’t Laugh at me while I was Undergoing the Treatments. I looked Ridiculous).

Anyway, I’m just now finishing up my last Treatment and I’m mostly Happy to Report that my Right Antenna has partially completely Healed, mostly, and I can finally get back to doing whatever it is that I do best, which (if I Remember Correctly) is NOT going back Outside into the Cold to do Door-to-Door Sales of that Rubber Snarkware.

Seriously now. I’m done with that, and just as soon as it Warms Up, I’m gonna take that Sample Case (that includes a 3mm Semi-Stick Bounceable Frying Pan), give it right back to the Snarks and Inform them that they will have to find another Bee to sell their Snarkware. And good luck with that - I made over 87 Sales Calls and never managed to sell a dam thing. I’m sure they’ll understand that I Tried my Best, and will Graciously accept my Resignation.

I think it’s supposed to bee Warmer this Weekend, so I’ll do that then. In the meantime, I’m just gonna stay Inside and watch my Stories. There are more Re-Runs of Vintage Episodes of “Law and Disorder: SUV” on the BeeBeeSee in just a few minutes, so I’m gonna go watch that.




The Gag Order Has Been Lifted ...


So now that the Snark Brothers’ Trial is over, and the Gag Order has been Lifted, I can finally tell you all about what the hell has been going on around here. So I’m gonna do that right now.

First of all, and despite my Coerced Testimony for the Defence, the Snarks were found Guilty of all the Charges, which included (but were not Limited to): A) Attempting to Influence the Outcome of a Duly-Democratic Disposal of a Former Queen, Bee) Honey-Laundering, and 3) Witness Tampering. And of course, I was the Witness who was Tampered With. And here’s what happened with all of that:

I was sitting in my ShoeBox, having a Civil Conversation with my Sensory-Impaired Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug, Potato, when we were Interrupted by another Knock at the Door. It turned out to bee Chaz Snark, who had Disguised himself as (I found out later) a Door-to-Door Rubber Cook-and-Dinner Ware Salesbee. He said I had to come with him. “Or Else”.

I asked Chaz where it was he was taking me, but he just said, "Ya' don't needs to bee askin' a bunch of questions,  bee. Askin' a bunch of Stupid and Inappropriate Questions could lead to some very Unpleasant Soycumstances for everybody dat's Involved in all dis, if yous gets my Drift."

I didn't get his Drift, but I pretty much understood he wasn't feeling very Enthusiastic about satisfying my Curiosity, so I stopped asking Stupid and Inappropriate Questions, and just kept following him.

It turns out that Chaz led me to his Brother, Narville's, Office. I'd been there beefore, and I hafta' say that it looked exactly as I remember it.  

"Come in and siddown," Narville Snark said as Chaz kind of Shoved me through the Office Door. "Chaz and me - we's wanting ta talk to yas about sometin' dat's Worryin' us. I'm sure yous doesn't want us feelin' Worried, so dat's why we needs to have dis little Talk."

Even though he never asked if I wanted something (like a Refereshing Beverage of some kind), Narville seemed friendly enough, I guess, so I didn't argue too much as Chaz pushed me down into a chair, though I didn't think it was totally Necessary to tie my Wings to the Arms like he did, though I'm thinking maybee I should have. Then Narville started talking to me.

To make a very Long and Uncomfortable Story Short, Narville spent the next hour and 87 minutes explaining to me how he and his Brother, Chaz, felt about my Upcoming Testimony for their Trial. They seemed to bee worried that maybee I'd say something they didn't want me to say, and made sure I understood their Concerns. I probably had to tell him at least 42 times that I understood beefore he Beelieved me, but finally he said, "Okay den, bee. I tinks we understands one anoder dat it's best if yous don't sez anyting durin' dis Trial dat would bee Embarrassing  - Or Else."

I told them I wasn't planning to say anything Embarrassing to Anybody (I usually try not to). 

"Dat's good ta hear, bee” Narville said, then he told me that, in Exchange for what he called my “Favourable Testimony”, he had an Offer I would bee interested in pursuing - something he called a "Lucrative Opportunity wit our Allegedly Fine Company", which turned out to bee a Job selling their new line of Rubber Cookware and Dinnerware Door-to-Door. Even though I thought I remember I needed a Job (or not?), I wasn't Interested in doing Door-to-Door Sales again. The last time I did that (which I think was selling Murder Hornet Swatters), I didn't really Enjoy myself all that much, so I said, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Narville kind of smiled at his Brother, Chaz, and said, "Tanks but no tanks he sez."

"Yeah, tanks but no tanks," Chaz repeated. "Dat's funny," he said.

I didn't think it was that funny, but Narville and Chaz just kept looking at each other and laughing. Finally, Narville said, "So we's gonna gives you dis Sales Kit for our new line of Rubber Cookware and Dinnerware, and sends you on your way. And dere's no need to tank us for yous Cooperation. Now get the hell out of my Office."

So after Chaz untied me, he shoved the Sales Kit into my Wings, and I did that.

Now, you're probably thinking that was pretty much the End of the whole Conversation, but as it turned out, Narville had left one of his Office Windows open, and one of my Old Friends, P.C.Bee, just happened to bee walking by and Overheard the Conversation, which (beeing Politically Correct Bee he is) he Immediately Reported everything he’d Overheard to the Prosecutor, who added "Witness Tampering" to the Charges the Snarks were facing. They're weren't Overly Happy about that, but at least they didn't blame me for the New Charges, probably.

At their Trial, and even though I did my best to Testify on their Beehalf at their Trial (I told the Court that they'd mostly honoured the Settlement in our Class Action Suit), both Chaz and Narville were found Guilty of all Charges. The Judge said she'd Sentence them after we Adjourned for Lunch. Fortunately for them, the Snarks were apparently Friends with the Judge, and they somehow Convinced her to go out to a Three-Nectartini Lunch at Lousy Louie's with them. By the time everybody got back to the Courtroom to hear the Snark's Sentencing, the Judge just said, "I see no Reason to keep dragging this whole Matter out. I hereby Sentence the Snark Brothers to Time Served" (never mind that they never Served any Time at all), "and a Fine of 1 Pound of Honey...Court Adjourned." Then everybody left the Courtroom. So I guess that was that, except for the fact that the Snarks are Appealing the Fine. 

I'd spend a little more time here telling you all about the Public Outrage that followed the Snark's Trial, but I have to get out and start selling this Rubber Cookware and Dinnerware - Or Else.


Under NO circumstances will your data be in any way published or shared with any outside entity or third party. Thanks!