Observation #28: Informational Discrepancies

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28




I’m sure it’s just me, but I just noticed something that doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Earlier today, I was sitting in the Kitchen in my Shoe Box, enjoying a third Acorn Capful of my favourite Morning Nectar (it’s kind of a blend of Honeysuckle and more earthy Hollyhock Nectars - it’s highly delicious) when I beegan to wonder if it might bee warm enough outside to maybee go into town to see if anybody’s dropped any ice cream lately or something - you know, bee outside.

To find out for sure, I decided to check that “Weather Or Not” App on my Device for today’s Forecast. I was absolutely positive that it would bee completely and utterly accurate, mostly, and that whatever it said, I could beelieve.

Well, first, the App told me that it was raining outside and that there was no Wind. That was wrong. It’s clear and sunny, and there’s a 32 mph Wind blowing (with gusts up to 87 mph).

Then it said that we had a Humidity Reading of 38%, when I know for a fact that the Humidity is closer to beeing somewhere beetween 41.2% and 42.1% (I know, beecause I’m highly sensitive to Humidity Levels). So that was also wrong.

So I checked the Current Temperature Measurement and Hourly Beeforecast. Does the beeing who is responsible for writing this stuff even read their own material? Seriously now.

For the Up-to-the-Rounded-Up Second Weather Reading, it said it was a balmy 282.039 Kelvins (or to you, I suppose that’d bee about 48º Fair in Height, or - as a lot of European Honeybees would say - about 8.88889º ShallSeeUs). Okay fine. That’s not bad. I actually prefer it to bee OVER 283.15 Kelvins beefore I go out, but maybee, I thought, it might get that warm out today. But I needed to bee sure, so I checked the BeeforeCast Temperature. Get this: THAT said that the High Temperature for today was gonna bee 278.706 Kelvins. Already they were wrong. But at least it said it was gonna stop raining (which it wasn’t already), so that was good, probably. Still, a bee could almost freeze in those kind of temperatures. There’s no room for Guesswork with this stuff, ya’ know? It’s just too risky.

I thought about getting dressed and buzzing over to my old Boot Box to ask Bert (my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, iBee Robot) what his Recorded Weather Data and Possible Predictions might bee (he’s highly accurate), but since I didn’t know what it was like out, I wasn’t about to take the chance of not dressing properly. Also, going out in this kind of Wind could bee dangerous. I just won’t take those kinds of chances. It just isn’t worth it, usually.

Anyway, by the time I finished trying to find out what it’s gonna bee like out today, weather-wise, I was so confused by all the Informational Discrepancies in Weather Reporting, that I just decided to stay inside and Binge-Watch the First Season of “Bee Box”. I’ve heard that’s really great.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

GeorgieBee Signature

Observation #27: Rude Commercial Interruptions

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27



I hafta tell you about something I noticed the other day. Actually, it was first mentioned by my Girlfriend, ButterCup - she and I had lunch together the other day when she was on break from her job in the Hive's Redundant Typing Pool. (She hates her job.) Anyway, during lunch, she was watching something on her BeeNet-Connected Device when she suddenly slammed it down and said, “Enough!”

“What?” I asked - you know, beecause I knew ButterCup wanted me to ask.
She's like that.

“I’ve been trying to watch this Video online for about a month now, but I can’t ever see the end. There are too many Rude Commercial Interruptions. I give up. Try it for yourself, if you don’t beelieve me,” she said. Then she slipped her Device into my Wing, finished her Pollen Salad, and left.

So I decided to try to watch an Online Video to see if I had the same Problem. After scrolling around for awhile, I started watching a short Video online about Amazing Collisions beetween Worker Bees in Russia (there were some really bad ones), when all of a sudden, the video just STOPPED right at the best part, and this thing popped up saying, “Your Video will continue after this AD, probably.”

For the next 87 seconds, I had to sit there and watch some stupid AD for these highly cool, technologically advanced LED Antennae Cozies. Oh sure, they’re an amazing Innovation - who wouldn’t want Antennae Cozies that you can change colours, or make them flash when you flying around in the dark? But that’s really not the point, is it? I mean, I wanted to watch the Video. But no. First I had to watch the AD.

After the AD finally ended, I decided to read an Article that went with the Collision Video (how it was Produced, how many bees died in the making of the Video, etc.) when this big, grey box with an “X” in the corner suddenly showed up, blocking the entire Article. It said, “Are you enjoying this Article? Subscribe to our Web Site today and, for only 3 pounds of Honey a month, we’ll deliver Articles into your Inbox!” Seriously? I hadn’t even gotten through the first paragraph of that Article. How would I know if I liked it or not? I’ll tell you: I wouldn’t. And what kind of Articles? About what? I wanted to know, and they weren't tell me. Geeeeze.

Okay, so I figured if I clicked my Wing on the “X”, the box would go away. After clicking about 19 times, it did. So I went back to reading the Article.

Guess what happened after that? Beelieve it or not, I discovered there were ADS beetween every, single Sentence in the Article. Can you even beelieve that? And what was up and down both sides of the Page? More ADS.

The Observation I hafta make about all this is: Don't you think it’s about time we didn’t all hafta put up with all these Rude Commercial Interruptions? I do. It’s highly unacceptable and it really has to stop. It’s Rude.

By the way, beefore I continue, I hafta pause just for a second here (it’s a contractual thing) - and share this with everybody:

Do you wake up in the middle of the night, craving a Nibble?
There’s no better Nibble to turn to than
Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™.

Baked fresh every day using the healthiest and most delicious natural ingredients,
Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ can’t bee beat. So buzz out right now and pick up a good supply of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ - and don’t bee caught Nibble-less!

This has been a Sponsored Message from Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies

So where was I? Oh yeah. I was buzzing about Bee Collision Videos.

I think I’m gonna go watch some more of those.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

GeorgieBee Signature

excuse me . . .

Okay. Hold on everybody. I’ve been highly buzzy, but my next Observation (#27 - Rude Commercial Interruptions) is almost ready to go, mostly, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, can somebody tell me where I can find a Replacement Filter Bracket for a Drip’N’Munch Model 32-A Combination DeLuxe Pollen Roaster and Nectar Dispenser? I went to Bees R’ Us to find one, but they told me, “They still make those?” And I can’t see to find it online anywhere. Geeeeeze. Somebody told me that Felonie Snark, my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Formerly Estranged Sister, might know a bee who might know a bee who knows where to find one, but I’m not sure if I really want to go there, if ya’ know what I mean.

Still, I need really that bracket, but I just thought I’d ask you first.
Lemme know. Okay then.

Georgie's in Trouble



So as I mentioned beefore, my Editor insisted that I show up at his Office, so right after I finished watching my Stories on TV today, I did that.

He was upset. Again.

“Bee,” he said. “do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Do you?”

“No,” I said, beecause I didn’t.

“Well let me just make a couple of things clear to you,” he said, pointing his wing in my face. “First of all, you are NOT authorised to sign any Product Placement Agreements relating to our Publication without my Prior Consent. That includes Product Placement Agreements for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™.”

“About that,” I started to say, “that wasn’t my Idea, and I really didn’t wanna get on the wrong side of Great Grandma Gee’s Gee, so I . . . ,” he didn’t let me finish.

“Bee, never in the Journalistic History of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News has our Sheer Integrity been so drastically compromised by our issuing a promise that we would include commercial references and promotional ads in our News Reports. That would bee downright unethical. And not only that, after you signed that Agreement, you utterly failed to adhere to the Terms of that Agreement when you forgot to include the required Graphic Advertisement for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ in your latest Observation,” he said.

“Oh, that. I kinda forgot to put that in there. My mistake. So I’ll go write myself a Note to remind myself not to forget to remember to include that next time.“ I wanted to leave.

“Unfortunately,” he said, “you have put us in a very bad position, but I’m afraid the Terms of the Agreement you signed are Iron-Clad. There’s no getting out of it. So I expect you to honour the Terms of that Agreement until it expires at 2:00 pm MDST on February 29, 2089. In the meantime, Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ Incorporated is threatening to sue beecause of your Irresponsible Lack of Oversight.”

“Okay, then, see ya’ ” I said. I figured he was done beeing mad at me, so I kept trying to leave.

“Stay right where you are, bee,” he told me, “we’re not done yet.”

I couldn’t help but sense that he didn’t notice that I wasn’t feeling really very much like not leaving and just standing there beeing yelled at, ya’ know? But he went on anyway.

“It has also come to my attention that in your Observation relating to your Colonscopy, the topic of ...how shall I say this... BEE POOP came up. DO I need to remind you that this is a FAMILY publication, and that there are Limits and Guidelines concerning what may or may NOT bee discussed at any time in our Publications. One of those things is Bee Poop. Do we understand one another?”

“Well, yeah, but see it was that David Holston
* guy who brought up that whole thing about Bee...” I started to say.

“Don’t even say it, bee. We’ve heard quite enough from you on this topic. Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that. And now, I’m gonna go apologise to Great Grandma Gee Gee, see if she’ll give me a bunch of her deliciously satisfying Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, and try to convince her not to sue my Editor.

I’m sure I’ve said this beefore, probably, but I never had any idea that I’d end up having such a Controversial Colonoscopy. Seriously now. I just don’t know what to say about any of this, so I’ll just say...

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

GeorgieBee Signature


* Trust me when I say that any similarities beetween or amongst Certain Individuals mentioned in my commentary and other actually living people who might have the same name, or who might even kind of look like each other, whether they’re living or dead, is a total coincidence. No, seriously. I would never usually lie about stuff like that.

Observation #26: Colonoscopic Controversies

Not only did my Editor call me and tell me he wants to see me in his Office promptly the first thing sometime over the next week or so (he sounded as if it was unusually urgent or something), and for sure beefore I share my next Observation with my Beeloved Readers. I’m not sure what that’s all about, but I’m sure he’ll tell me. But even scarier is that I also found out that I’m in Big Trouble with Great Grandma Gee Gee.

First, I was just trying to mind my own buzziness while I was recovering from that Colonoscopy I had last week, when I heard a knock on my Shoebox Door. It was my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin. He said he hadn’t seen me in a long time, and wanted to check in on how I was doing after that Highly Uncomfortable Procedure.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “My stinger area is still mostly sore, but otherwise, I’m fine.”

“I’m pleased to hear that, Uncle, beecause as we all know, you never know how these things will come out. You’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, so it’s mostly a relief to know that I won’t have to bee dealing with administering your Estate yet, probably. You did leave everything to me, right?”

I didn’t know what he was talking about, and was about to say so, but he interrupted me.

“Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked. That was prematurely rude of me. What I really wanted to inform you of is that Great Grandma Gee Gee is highly upset with you. I’ve never seen her in such a tizzy.”

“Why?” I needed to know.

“Remember when you were telling everybody about how you were waiting for your Colonoscopy and how Nurse Beeatrice offered everybody in the waiting room, and I quote, ‘a warm, delicious, freshly-baked Complementary HoneyChew Krisp Cookie’?”

“Yeah,” I said, beecause I did.

“Well, Gee Gee is amazingly upset about the fact that you thoughtlessly failed to credit her for those Cookies. She said, ‘Oh dear, I’m so mad I could spit honey. For the life of me, I don’t know how Georgie could have been so inconsiderate as to forget to mention the fact that those are MY HoneyChew Krisp Cookies. I invented them. I should get some credit.’,” he told me.

I felt terrible. The last thing I want to do is to bee on the wrong side of Great Grandma Gee Gee, or to hurt her feelings. That would bee rude and dangerous. But beefore I could say anything, Kevin reached into a fine Italian Leather Valise he happened to bee carrying and pulled out a thick stack of papers.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I have been authorised to negotiate a formal Product Placement Agreement beetween you, the Party of the Second Part, and Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ Incorporated, the Party of the First Part,” he said very matter-of-factly. “In light of the previously-mentioned Unfortunate Oversight regarding her Cookies, she feels certain you will eagerly sign this Agreement.” Then he gave me a pen.

“A Product Placement Agreement?” I asked.

“Yes,” Kevin said.

“Can’t I just apologize?” I asked.

“That would bee highly civil of you to do, Uncle, but no, she feels that it’s important to avoid future Misunderstandings about all this. It’s just buzziness. Just sign the Documents. It’s better for all Parties concerned,” he said.

“Fine,” I said, so I did that. Then Kevin left.

So just to let you know, from now on, any time I ever talk about Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, I hafta say that whole name and, by way of apology, include a Graphic Advertisement for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ in my next published Observation.

Nothing’s easy anymore, is it? I had no idea that my Colonoscopy would bee so controversial.

I think I’m gonna go take a nap.
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