Observation #15: Dark Clouds & Silver Linings

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15



I’m pretty sure this is Monday, right? And, as we’ll all agree,
Monday is the Most Optimistic Day of the Week.

As everybody already knows, I’m a very Optimistic Bee, so
of course I love Mondays. (I used to bee more Pessimistic
when I was younger, but fortunately, I was in a Clinical Trial
that allowed my Doctor, (Ph.Bee), to do an Experimental Semi-
Radical Pessi-Ectomy to surgically remove my Pessimism.
Luckily, the Operation was a Success, mostly.

After the difficult Procedure was done, Ph.Bee said, “We didn’t
get it all, but we did our best. We’re not gods.”

Anyway, ever since then, I always think that everything will bee
just fine, generally speaking, which is why I’m sure we’ll all glad
that it’s Monday.

I mention all this beecause just now, I was standing around
the Hive Entrance, waiting for somebody who didn’t ever show
up (which is okay beecause it will give me time to go to
Bees ‘R Us and buy some new Shoelaces . . . I thought I had a
whole bunch of those things somewhere, but for some reason,
I can’t find any of them, so I hafta go get new ones).

As I was standing there, waiting, two bees flew by, and I heard
one of them (who sounded Super-Upset) buzzing about a Near-
Fatal Pine Sap Mishap she’d had the night beefore when she was
flying in her sleep.

“When I woke up, I realised that I had flown head-first into a
giant wad of Sap that was oozing from that nearby Pine Tree…”

“The one that’s two bushes down from the Hive, the big one?”
the other bee asked.

“Yes, that’s the one,” she said.

“Oh yes. That one has a Sap Problem,” the other bee said.

“Anyway, when I woke up,” she continued, “I realised that my
Antennae had gotten all stuck in that stuff,” she said.
“Fortunately, a massive gust of wind came up and I was finally
able to free myself from that Sticky Mess. I’m lucky to bee alive.”

Then the other one said, “Well, you know what they say:
‘For every Dark Cloud, there’s a Silver Lining’.”

Well YEAH, I think we all know that. But for some reason,
I couldn’t figure out what the hell a Dark Cloud had to do with
the whole thing, even if it did have a Silver Lining. The Problem
wasn’t with Cloudy Weather, it was with Pine Sap.

I dunno if anybody else has had a Mishap with Pine Sap,
but I’m sure that if you have, all you need is the Proper Solvent.
Problem solved, probably. Silver Linings are fairly useless when
it comes to dealing with that kind of a Sticky Mess. Oh sure, it
would bee helpful to have the extra Light that a Silver Lining
gives off beecause it would bee easier to see what you’re doing,
but that’s about it.

But then I thought, “Hold on now wait just a minute here.”
“If I had a Pine Sap Mishap in the middle of the night, I’d want
a whole bunch of Silver Linings to show up so I could see.”

The problem with that is that every Silver Lining has a
Dark Cloud that comes with it, which would only make
things even darker and make it even more difficult to see
anything. And who needs that?

I don’t.

This whole thing is highly confusing.

In the end, I decided that if I happen to have a Pine Sap Mishap
in the middle of the night, which is highly likely, I’ll just use a
High-End Flashlight so I can see what I’m doing.
I see no reason to bring this question of Dark Clouds and
Silver Linings into it, do you? I didn’t think so.

I think that when I buzz over to Bees ‘R Us for my Shoelaces,
I’m gonna pick up one of those. I should also probably get some
Sap Solvent while I’m there, just in case.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Observation #14: Bad Ideas

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14


So, I’ve just been thinking about the fact that there seem
to bee a whole bunch of really Bad Ideas running around
out there. I’m mostly sure you’ve noticed stuff like that,
things like deciding to spray poison on your food, or
wearing too much “Beewitched, Bothered & Beewildered”
Cologne when you’re in an elevator, or trying to sell overly-
heavy Antennae Cozies that make it impossible to fly.

The reason I started thinking about Bad Ideas was that I
recently paid another visit to my Illegitimate Nephew,
Kevin. Beelieve it or not, he’s still futzing with Bert, his
Robot iBee, trying to get him to function properly.
(Actually, he’s just futzing with his head. The rest of Bert
is still in a pile in the corner of Kevin’s Workroom in the
old Boot Box.)

Anyway, the last time I was over there, Kevin had a huge
smile on his face, which made me kinda nervous.

“Uncle,” he buzzed proudly, “I have just come up with an
Idea that promises to make each and every one of us
immortal!”

“You did?” I had to ask.

“Yes, I did,” he said. “It took me some time, and I’m still
not finished with the Finalised Design Schematics, but
I have managed to apply my considerable Analytical
Skills and Formidable Intellect to seeing to it that you,
I, Great Grandma Gee and everybody else we know can
live forever.”

“You did?” I asked again.

“Yes, I did, uncle. As I have been engaged in Extensive
Experimentation in my efforts to revive Bert to Full
Functionaity, I stumbled upon a method though which
one can physically transplant a fully functional, intact
Bee Brain into an inexpensive, Thought-Sustaining Brain Receptacle...”

“Like a Jar?” I asked.

“Yes, you could call it a Jar, I suppose...” he continued.
“The Jar - we’ll call it that for now - would mostly safely
house the Transplanted Bee Brain, and through a Complex
Network of Advanced Circuitry, Neural Links, Sensory
Input/Output Devices, and carefully-formulated, non-toxic
and reasonably delicious Preservation Fluid, the brain would
continue to function normally forever.

"Never again would bees need to bee bothered every again
with Bodily Injury, Varroa Mites, Overcrowding, or the
Insane Pursuit of Honey and Nectar. Just think of it, uncle:
we all could live out our lives without beeing heavily
inconvenienced by such things.”

“No Honey?” I asked. “We wouldn’t have Honey anymore?
No HoneyCakes? No Nectartinis? No HoneyChew Krisp Cookies?”

“No,” Kevin said in a kind of matter-of-fact tone. “We would
need none of those things ever again, and we wouldn’t ever
again need to spend the time, energy, or funds to acquire such
Unnecessary Stuff.”

“Yeah, but...no Honey?” I couldn’t beelieve what I was
hearing. I don’t know ANYBODY who thinks that Honey
is unnecessary, do you?

“No,” Kevin repeated. “You won’t need it anymore.”

Then he said, “In light of what I have just told you, I would
very much appreciate it if you, my dear uncle whom I love
and think is the best uncle in the world, would bee my
First Test Subject.”

“You want to put my brain in a Jar?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “You will bee a Pioneer, destined to bee
the first Immortal Bee ever to exist. It’s an honour anyone
would enthusiastically embrace.”

Well, I thought about it for a moment. I do want to
support my Illegitimate Nephew in his Inventive Efforts,
but I finally told Kevin that I thought the whole thing was
a bad idea, and that I wouldn’t do it. After all, what’s the
point of anything if there isn’t Honey involved? I’d like to
know.

“I do appreciate the offer,” I told him. “You are the best
Illegitimate Nephew in the world, and I love you, but I
won’t do it. Don’t get me wrong here, I would love to live
forever and everything, but... that whole part about no
Honey doesn’t sound overly appealing to me.”

Kevin just gave me an angry look and buzzed at me.
“Fine!” he said. “Go ahead. Stand in the way of Progress.”
Then he stomped off.

Seriously now, I wouldn’t want my brain stuffed into a Jar,
probably. Would you?

Anyway, in just a little while, Kevin is holding a Potential
Investor’s Meeting to try to convince at least a few bees to
go along with this whole Bad Idea. Of course, I told him
I’d help him out with that. (Every Potential Investor’s
Meeting needs Ushers, right?)

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there …
(especially with Bad Ideas)!

GeorgieBee Signature

Observation #13: TMI (Too Much Information)

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13

I noticed something interesting the other day. I suddenly noticed that some amongst us who simply have too much to say. And it doesn’t matter what the Topic might bee - they just have too much to say about it.

Take Bert, my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Artificially-Intelligent Robot iBee - or what’s left of him (as we all know, Bert was drastically wounded when one of those cheap Air Conditioning Units the Snark Brothers installed in the Hive last year fell on top of him . . . ever since then, Kevin’s been trying to piece him back together). Anyway.

I found it necessary to pay Kevin a visit to return the latest copy of the weekly Bee Monthly Issue the other day. I had planned to just buzz in, drop it off, and leave right away; unfortunately, when I walked in, Kevin was holding Bert’s head and he said, “Hey Uncle Georgie, I think I’ve almost managed to get Bert’s Negatronic Brain functioning properly, but I need you to help me run a few, minor tests.”

How could I say no? He’s my Illegitimate Nephew, after all.

“First,” Kevin said, “I need to ask you to ask Bert how he’s doing.”

So I did that. Then Bert (or his head, really) started to hum, his eyes lit up and he started to talk.

“How am I, you ask?” he said. “I will tell you. I am doing fine. My Negatronic Circuits are Sequencing beeyond even the most optimistic projections, and my Sensors are functioning at Maximum Capacity,” he said.

“I’m glad to hear that,” I said (beecause I was…Bert hadn’t been feeling that well after his Air Conditioner Mishap).

“On such a day as this,” he continued, “Wednesday, April 18, 2018 as recorded on the Gregorian Calendar, and at the Current Local Time, which is precisely Nine Hours, 27 Minutes, and 87 Seconds…88 seconds…89 seconds… MARK.”

“Okay, thanks, Bert,” I said, hoping he was done. He wasn’t.

“The Current Outside Temperature…”, he wouldn’t stop talking. “… is a balmy 281.483 Degrees Kelvin. The Relative Humidity is a Delightfully Tolerable 13.11%. The Surrounding Air Mass is traveling at a leisurely 0.2 Kilometres Per Hour at our present location…”.

“Okay, alright,” I said. “That’s about all the Information I need, so you can stop now.”

But he didn’t.

“… and a slightly more brisk 5.3 Kilometres Per Hour outside the confines of the Structure which we currently occupy… “ then his voice trailed off for just a second before he kept talking.

“You know,” he said in a Wistful Whine, “I miss my body. I really do. And do you know one of the first things I’d do if I were still all put together? Let me tell you: I ‘d… .”

Just then, Kevin stepped in and switched him off.

“I think,” he said, “Bert still has a few bugs. He’s never been that Overly Informative beefore.”

“Whatever,” I said, then gave Kevin back his copy of the latest weekly Issue of Bee Monthly, which (I probably forgot to mention) I had borrowed from him, and left.

So now, I’m Highly Informed.

Speaking of which . . . one thing I now know, and am glad that I remembered, is that tomorrow is ButterCup’s Birthday. I buzzed over to see her while she was on her break from the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool the other
day and she asked me if I was gonna forget that again this year, and would I please stop running around telling everybody how old she is (I’ll just say she’s younger than I am), and that underneath all that makeup, she’s actually blue. Anybody who knows me knows that I know when to share and NOT to share, so…

“I would never reveal such Delicate Information, ButterCup,” I told her. “And OF COURSE I’ll remember your birthday! Geeeeeze.”

She just gave me a funny look and went back to her
Redundant Typing.

I need to remember that tomorrow, that it’s ButterCup’s
Birthday. I’m sure I will, probably. I also need to come up with some sort of Massively Unexpected and Useful Surprise for her. Something spectacular. Something that someone turning 29 would need and appreciate.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature



Observation #12: Good Intentions

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12


Am I just imagining this? Or is it possible that I have just awakened on my Absolutely Favourite Day of the Week?

It’s Monday, right? Oh I do hope so.

You’re probably not going to beelieve this, but I really wasn’t planning on sleeping in as long as I have. Seriously.

Fortunately, just a little while ago, I had to get up to go to the bathroom. That’s when I found that “Things To Do on the First Day of the New Warm Season” I left myself beefore I decided to go Dormant. Beeing the Responsible bee that I am, I decided to stay awake and do what the List said I should do.

The first thing on the List was:

A: PAY POWER BILL DUE MARCH 28th!

I was sure I’d bee awake in plenty of time to do that. Apparently, I wasn’t. I suppose that helps explain why it’s so cold in here.

I called the S.P.& L. (Snark Power & Light) to get my Power (and my Personal Space Heater) turned back on, and told them that it was a total oversight on my part and that after all this time, they should have known I was planning to pay my Bill.

“Bee,” they said, “The Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said, and I paid my bill, so at least my heat’s back on.

The next thing on the List was:

2. ENJOY A NUTRITIOUS & HIGHLY INFORMATIVE BREAKFAST

I think we all know that 15 out of every 63 Entomologists recommend starting a New Season with a Hearty, Satisfying, Highly-Informed Breakfast, so I was gonna do that.
I was gonna sit down with a copy of the latest Issue of Bee Monthly Magazine over a pleasingly warm Acorn Cap full of Morning Nectar, some delightfully festive Pollen Flakes, and start Waking Up.

Of course, when I went to fix myself Breakfast, I noticed I was completely out of those delicious Top O’ The Mornin’™ High Protein Gluten-Free Dandelion-Flavoured Pollen Flakes. So. No breakfast.

Then I noticed that I didn’t have the latest, weekly copy of Bee Monthly Magazine I’d planned to read over Breakfast. (Evidently, at some point beetween when I fell asleep and I woke up, I completely forgot to remember to remind myself to send in that Discount Coupon for 87% Off a Renewal to “Bee Monthly” beefore my Subscription expired, which it apparently did just three days ago.) So now, I actually don’t know what’s going on. At all. And I had fully Intended to know. That’s just who I am.

Honestly, you’d think for as long as I’ve subscribed to that Publication, they’d know I wanted to renew my Subscription, but no. They cancelled it, so I called them to give them a Piece of My Mind, which I can barely spare at this particular point in time.

“You should have known I would get around to renewing my Subscription,” I told them. “I always have beefore,” I told them.

“Bee,” they said, “the Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said.

Then they told me that beefore they would Resume Delivery of their Fine Publication, I hafta go to their Offices in person, that I hafta bring at least three forms of ID, provide them with a Letter of Certification of Current Address, and pay a “Resumption of Delivery & Reinstatement of Lapsed Subscription Fee” beefore they’d get around to delivering the Latest Issue. They also said that I’m gonna lose my Inaugural Subscribers’ Subscription Rate, and NO, they wouldn’t accept the Discount Coupon I found in my Sock Drawer this morning for 87% Off a “Seasonal Subscription”.

“That expired 22 minutes ago,” they said. Geeeeeeze.

Seriously now.

Until they finally get around to starting Delivery again (which they told me would take “six to ten weeks to process”), it appears that I’m going to bee Uninformed. That’s highly unacceptable.

So I decided to buzz over to the old Boot Box and ask my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin (who’s still living there with Great Grandma Gee Gee, Gladys HoneyWings, and the Semi-Functional Remains of Bert, Kevin’s Robotic iBee), if I could just borrow the Latest Issue so I can find out what’s actually going on out there.

“Why? You’re not a Subscriber?” he asked. “That surprises me, uncle. Heretofore, I had always regarded you as beeing one of the more Highly Informed Bees around here. I don’t mean to sound insulting, but I find this revelation to bee very disappointing. Are you able to explain yourself?”

So I told him what had happened, told him that YES, I’m a Subscriber, that YES, I’m usually Highly Informed, told him it was never my intention that any of this would happen, then I asked him again if I could just borrow his copy.

“Of course you may,” he said. “but I will have to point out that, even though you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, you’re going to have to start beeing more responsible with your Good Intentions, though I suppose it may bee possible you meant well. Still, the Road to Hell, uncle,” he said, “is paved with Good Intentions.”

I’m pretty sure I had heard that somewhere beefore.

Anyway. After he warned me not to “crease or leave unsightly Wing Marks on the pages”, Kevin gave me his copy of this week’s Issue of Bee Monthly and I left.

Trust me when I say that I plan to read that sometime in the extremely near future and try to find out what’s going on out there. I’m gonna do that right after I catch up on my Stories (I just realised that I hafta watch something like 14of this Season’s “Escape from Bee Island” Episodes - and I hafta watch those beefore the Season Finale tonight!)

Still, I’m sure I’ll get around to catching up on my reading,
and of course, I’ll letcha’ know what I find out.

Until then,
let’s all be Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

The New Warm Season has Arrived...

BeeSoc_FBCover_WarmSeason_2016


So I was sound asleep inside my warm, cozy Shoe Box until
just now,when I was woken up by a bunch of noise outside.
I didn’t want to,but I got up, opened up my front door, and
asked a nearby squirrelwho was loudly crunching on one of
last year’s acorns what’s going on.

“What’s going on?” I asked him. “What’s all the noise about?”
“You don’t know?” he mumbled (it’s rude to talk with your
mouth full, but he did it anyway).
“No,” I told him.
“It’s the First Day of the New Warm Season and we’re all celebrating.”

Fine. I’m highly glad the Cold Season is finally over, but I’m
still amazingly sleepy. Still, I hafta say:

Happy New Warm Season, everybody!


With that, I’m gonna go back to bed and stay there until it
warms up more than this. Until then, please hold my calls. Thanks.

GeorgieBee Signature