Observation #13: TMI (Too Much Information)

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13

I noticed something interesting the other day. I suddenly noticed that some amongst us who simply have too much to say. And it doesn’t matter what the Topic might bee - they just have too much to say about it.

Take Bert, my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Artificially-Intelligent Robot iBee - or what’s left of him (as we all know, Bert was drastically wounded when one of those cheap Air Conditioning Units the Snark Brothers installed in the Hive last year fell on top of him . . . ever since then, Kevin’s been trying to piece him back together). Anyway.

I found it necessary to pay Kevin a visit to return the latest copy of the weekly Bee Monthly Issue the other day. I had planned to just buzz in, drop it off, and leave right away; unfortunately, when I walked in, Kevin was holding Bert’s head and he said, “Hey Uncle Georgie, I think I’ve almost managed to get Bert’s Negatronic Brain functioning properly, but I need you to help me run a few, minor tests.”

How could I say no? He’s my Illegitimate Nephew, after all.

“First,” Kevin said, “I need to ask you to ask Bert how he’s doing.”

So I did that. Then Bert (or his head, really) started to hum, his eyes lit up and he started to talk.

“How am I, you ask?” he said. “I will tell you. I am doing fine. My Negatronic Circuits are Sequencing beeyond even the most optimistic projections, and my Sensors are functioning at Maximum Capacity,” he said.

“I’m glad to hear that,” I said (beecause I was…Bert hadn’t been feeling that well after his Air Conditioner Mishap).

“On such a day as this,” he continued, “Wednesday, April 18, 2018 as recorded on the Gregorian Calendar, and at the Current Local Time, which is precisely Nine Hours, 27 Minutes, and 87 Seconds…88 seconds…89 seconds… MARK.”

“Okay, thanks, Bert,” I said, hoping he was done. He wasn’t.

“The Current Outside Temperature…”, he wouldn’t stop talking. “… is a balmy 281.483 Degrees Kelvin. The Relative Humidity is a Delightfully Tolerable 13.11%. The Surrounding Air Mass is traveling at a leisurely 0.2 Kilometres Per Hour at our present location…”.

“Okay, alright,” I said. “That’s about all the Information I need, so you can stop now.”

But he didn’t.

“… and a slightly more brisk 5.3 Kilometres Per Hour outside the confines of the Structure which we currently occupy… “ then his voice trailed off for just a second before he kept talking.

“You know,” he said in a Wistful Whine, “I miss my body. I really do. And do you know one of the first things I’d do if I were still all put together? Let me tell you: I ‘d… .”

Just then, Kevin stepped in and switched him off.

“I think,” he said, “Bert still has a few bugs. He’s never been that Overly Informative beefore.”

“Whatever,” I said, then gave Kevin back his copy of the latest weekly Issue of Bee Monthly, which (I probably forgot to mention) I had borrowed from him, and left.

So now, I’m Highly Informed.

Speaking of which . . . one thing I now know, and am glad that I remembered, is that tomorrow is ButterCup’s Birthday. I buzzed over to see her while she was on her break from the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool the other
day and she asked me if I was gonna forget that again this year, and would I please stop running around telling everybody how old she is (I’ll just say she’s younger than I am), and that underneath all that makeup, she’s actually blue. Anybody who knows me knows that I know when to share and NOT to share, so…

“I would never reveal such Delicate Information, ButterCup,” I told her. “And OF COURSE I’ll remember your birthday! Geeeeeze.”

She just gave me a funny look and went back to her
Redundant Typing.

I need to remember that tomorrow, that it’s ButterCup’s
Birthday. I’m sure I will, probably. I also need to come up with some sort of Massively Unexpected and Useful Surprise for her. Something spectacular. Something that someone turning 29 would need and appreciate.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature



Observation #12: Good Intentions

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12


Am I just imagining this? Or is it possible that I have just awakened on my Absolutely Favourite Day of the Week?

It’s Monday, right? Oh I do hope so.

You’re probably not going to beelieve this, but I really wasn’t planning on sleeping in as long as I have. Seriously.

Fortunately, just a little while ago, I had to get up to go to the bathroom. That’s when I found that “Things To Do on the First Day of the New Warm Season” I left myself beefore I decided to go Dormant. Beeing the Responsible bee that I am, I decided to stay awake and do what the List said I should do.

The first thing on the List was:

A: PAY POWER BILL DUE MARCH 28th!

I was sure I’d bee awake in plenty of time to do that. Apparently, I wasn’t. I suppose that helps explain why it’s so cold in here.

I called the S.P.& L. (Snark Power & Light) to get my Power (and my Personal Space Heater) turned back on, and told them that it was a total oversight on my part and that after all this time, they should have known I was planning to pay my Bill.

“Bee,” they said, “The Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said, and I paid my bill, so at least my heat’s back on.

The next thing on the List was:

2. ENJOY A NUTRITIOUS & HIGHLY INFORMATIVE BREAKFAST

I think we all know that 15 out of every 63 Entomologists recommend starting a New Season with a Hearty, Satisfying, Highly-Informed Breakfast, so I was gonna do that.
I was gonna sit down with a copy of the latest Issue of Bee Monthly Magazine over a pleasingly warm Acorn Cap full of Morning Nectar, some delightfully festive Pollen Flakes, and start Waking Up.

Of course, when I went to fix myself Breakfast, I noticed I was completely out of those delicious Top O’ The Mornin’™ High Protein Gluten-Free Dandelion-Flavoured Pollen Flakes. So. No breakfast.

Then I noticed that I didn’t have the latest, weekly copy of Bee Monthly Magazine I’d planned to read over Breakfast. (Evidently, at some point beetween when I fell asleep and I woke up, I completely forgot to remember to remind myself to send in that Discount Coupon for 87% Off a Renewal to “Bee Monthly” beefore my Subscription expired, which it apparently did just three days ago.) So now, I actually don’t know what’s going on. At all. And I had fully Intended to know. That’s just who I am.

Honestly, you’d think for as long as I’ve subscribed to that Publication, they’d know I wanted to renew my Subscription, but no. They cancelled it, so I called them to give them a Piece of My Mind, which I can barely spare at this particular point in time.

“You should have known I would get around to renewing my Subscription,” I told them. “I always have beefore,” I told them.

“Bee,” they said, “the Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said.

Then they told me that beefore they would Resume Delivery of their Fine Publication, I hafta go to their Offices in person, that I hafta bring at least three forms of ID, provide them with a Letter of Certification of Current Address, and pay a “Resumption of Delivery & Reinstatement of Lapsed Subscription Fee” beefore they’d get around to delivering the Latest Issue. They also said that I’m gonna lose my Inaugural Subscribers’ Subscription Rate, and NO, they wouldn’t accept the Discount Coupon I found in my Sock Drawer this morning for 87% Off a “Seasonal Subscription”.

“That expired 22 minutes ago,” they said. Geeeeeeze.

Seriously now.

Until they finally get around to starting Delivery again (which they told me would take “six to ten weeks to process”), it appears that I’m going to bee Uninformed. That’s highly unacceptable.

So I decided to buzz over to the old Boot Box and ask my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin (who’s still living there with Great Grandma Gee Gee, Gladys HoneyWings, and the Semi-Functional Remains of Bert, Kevin’s Robotic iBee), if I could just borrow the Latest Issue so I can find out what’s actually going on out there.

“Why? You’re not a Subscriber?” he asked. “That surprises me, uncle. Heretofore, I had always regarded you as beeing one of the more Highly Informed Bees around here. I don’t mean to sound insulting, but I find this revelation to bee very disappointing. Are you able to explain yourself?”

So I told him what had happened, told him that YES, I’m a Subscriber, that YES, I’m usually Highly Informed, told him it was never my intention that any of this would happen, then I asked him again if I could just borrow his copy.

“Of course you may,” he said. “but I will have to point out that, even though you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, you’re going to have to start beeing more responsible with your Good Intentions, though I suppose it may bee possible you meant well. Still, the Road to Hell, uncle,” he said, “is paved with Good Intentions.”

I’m pretty sure I had heard that somewhere beefore.

Anyway. After he warned me not to “crease or leave unsightly Wing Marks on the pages”, Kevin gave me his copy of this week’s Issue of Bee Monthly and I left.

Trust me when I say that I plan to read that sometime in the extremely near future and try to find out what’s going on out there. I’m gonna do that right after I catch up on my Stories (I just realised that I hafta watch something like 14of this Season’s “Escape from Bee Island” Episodes - and I hafta watch those beefore the Season Finale tonight!)

Still, I’m sure I’ll get around to catching up on my reading,
and of course, I’ll letcha’ know what I find out.

Until then,
let’s all be Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

The New Warm Season has Arrived...

BeeSoc_FBCover_WarmSeason_2016


So I was sound asleep inside my warm, cozy Shoe Box until
just now,when I was woken up by a bunch of noise outside.
I didn’t want to,but I got up, opened up my front door, and
asked a nearby squirrelwho was loudly crunching on one of
last year’s acorns what’s going on.

“What’s going on?” I asked him. “What’s all the noise about?”
“You don’t know?” he mumbled (it’s rude to talk with your
mouth full, but he did it anyway).
“No,” I told him.
“It’s the First Day of the New Warm Season and we’re all celebrating.”

Fine. I’m highly glad the Cold Season is finally over, but I’m
still amazingly sleepy. Still, I hafta say:

Happy New Warm Season, everybody!


With that, I’m gonna go back to bed and stay there until it
warms up more than this. Until then, please hold my calls. Thanks.

GeorgieBee Signature

Observation #11: The Ripple Effect

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Has anyone else noticed that when somebody does something (or doesn’t do something), a whole bunch of stuff somehow changes?

I have.

I wanted to ask, beecause over the last week or three, a bunch of stuff has been happening around here, and it is having an unbeelievably huge effect on a whole bunch of bees. I’ve just come up with a totally original term to refer to this Phenomenon: The Ripple Effect. (Feel free to use that.)

You’re probably wondering why I’ve brought it up, right?
It’s beecause it’s Highly Relevant at the moment, that’s why.

From what I remember, I kinda told you a little bit about that whole Messy Incident with Harrizzzzz and ButterCup, right? Okay then. I went to their Preliminary Hearing a week or so ago, and watched as the Royal Court said they didn’t need anything more Preliminary than what they already had (“The Evidence is Incontrovertible,” the Judge said and said there was just no need for a Trial), so Harrizzzzzz was sentenced to bee Exiled to Northern Nebraska for the rest of his dishonest life, and ButterCup was sentenced to spend the next three Warm Seasons working in the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool as, I guess, a typist.

The Hive needs good typists, you know. It’s too bad ButterCup hates to type, but I’m pretty sure that’s why the Judge gave her the Sentence he did. It could’ve been worse, probably.

I was actually hoping that I would get my Nectarator 5000 Nectar Saturation Gauge returned, but the Court said they’re keeping it as Evidence. Forever. Geeeeeze.

Anyway, so beecause of all that, a whole bunch of bees have been Highly Inconvenienced. Let me give you an example:

For quite awhile now, there was a small Swarm of bees that held Weekly Meetings of what they called The Hive Film Review Society & Indoor/Outdoor Adventure Club.
They’d been at it so long, they’d pretty much beecome a family. Well, now that ButterCup has to go to the Redundant Typing Pool, and Harrizzzzz is beeing shipped off to Nebraska, that whole Club is falling apart, which is a pity. But all the bees that were in that Club are having to find other things to do now, which is never easy during the Cold Season.

It’s the Ripple Effect.

And, of course, Harrizzzzz’s Buzziness Partner, JR, has to go out and find a new bee he can trust so he can keep his job. And lemme tell ya: it’s hard finding good help these days. Another Ripple Effect.

I did some quick calculations on this whole thing, and do you wanna’ know what I found out? I’ll tell you: I found out that, just beecause of that whole Messy Incident involving ButterCup and Harrizzzzz, there are approximately 87 bees (not counting those two or me) in about Six States whose lives have changed beecause of this whole thing. That’s amazing. The Ripple Effect is just amazing, isn’t it? Who knew?

So, as we all adjust to absorbing all these Ripple Effect-Motivated Adjustments to our lives, most of us are just trying to ignore the worst of it and stay warm. It’s intensely cold and windy out (not my favourite type of weather at all), so I, for one, am staying cozy warm and plan to avoid as many Ripple Effects as I possibly can until Further Notice.

Of course, the good news about all that, probably, is that the New Warm Season is only about three weeks away. By the time that gets here, it’ll start to warm up, and all those Ripple Effects will start to kind of fade away, mostly. (They do that, ya’ know). I, for one, can’t wait.

In the meantime, I should mention that you may or may not see me, unless it warms up a whole bunch. All this Cold Weather and Ripple Effects have really worn me out, so I plan to spend the next, few weeks sleeping. Mostly.

Until then, let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Observation 10: Lies & Deception

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Have you ever noticed that there are some amongst us who seem to bee highly, super good at Fooling everybody else? Ever run into anybody like that? Don’t ya’ just feel like a Huge Idiot when you find out you’ve been Lied To and Deceived? (I certainly do.)

I asked, beecause I ran into somebody like that just the other day.

I don’t know if you know this, but (Highly Skilled Bee that I am), I happen to own a mostly complete set of some Massively Specialised Tools that I use every once in awhile - like the Nectarator 5000 Nectar Saturation Gauge, which can come in really useful if you ever happen to find yourself in a Hive Tavern and suspect you’re beeing short-changed on that Nectartini that doesn’t look quite right.

Anyway. I decided to go out the other afternoon (it was really nice out, mostly), and grab myself a Nectartini. So beefore I left, I was looking for my Saturation Gauge. But I couldn’t find it. It was no longer there, where I keep my Saturation Gauges. I went out anyway - and who do you think I ran into? Harrizzzzz, that’s who. He said he was just getting off work and had to make one, final Delivery. That sounded beelievable.

Then I noticed something: there, in his back, left, Overall Pocket, was MY Nectarator 5000 Nectar Saturation Gauge. I know it was mine, beecause it had MY initials on it.
So I mentioned it.

“Hey, is that my Saturation Gauge?” I asked him.
“Is what your Saturation Gauge? I don’t have a Saturation Gauge,” he said.
“Yes, you do,” I said, and pointed to it right there in his pocket.
“No I don’t,” he said, (very convincingly, I might add).
“I would never have a Saturation Gauge,” he said. “I don’t use them, so I don’t need one. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one those things. I wouldn’t even know what it looks like, probably.”

Then he walked away toward the Hive.

I couldn’t see the Gauge as he walked away, beecause when I wasn’t looking, he moved it into his front pocket, so I thought maybe I’d made a Mistaken Observation, or something. As it turns out, though, I hadn’t.

Completely by Accident, and thanks to my heavily convenient Security Surveillance Suspicious Activity Tracking Device, I happened to find out that his “Delivery” was to…get this: to take MY Saturation Gauge to ButterCup’s Cell in the Hive.
So he LIED to me. He DECEIVED me. I couldn’t beelieve it, mostly.

I hafta say that ever since I’ve known Harrizzzz, he’s done nothing but offer the appearance of beeing one of THE most honest, likeable, dependable, and kind bees I thought I’d ever met. Oh sure, his Obsession with Bee Racing was a little weird sometimes, but relatively harmless, mostly. (We all have something Weird about us, right?) But I’d even hafta’ say that, in the almost 484 Days since I’ve know this guy, I would’ve sworn he was the only bee I’d ever met who would never have tried to Lie to anybody.

But he did.

Everybody thought he had Integrity.

But he doesn’t.

Seriously now, how could I have been so wrong about him?
I feel like such a fool, mostly. But it gets worse. Listen to this:

Later, when I reviewed the Data Stream and Time Stamps from the Tracking Device, I found out that he showed up at ButterCup’s Cell Entrance, and when he got there, he said, “Hi Sweet Wings.”

Then ButterCup said, “Is that a Saturation Gauge in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” Then they went inside her Cell.

I couldn’t beelieve it. And I couldn’t beelieve he also STAYED in there with her for approximately 2 hours, 4 minutes and 03 seconds.

I mean seriously now…what is THAT all about? I’m a bee who likes to know things, as we all know, so I decided to buzz over and pay ButterCup a Visit.

When she came to her Cell entrance, I asked her, “Whatcha’ been up to, ButterCup?”.
“Nothing,” she said. “Why are you asking so many Prying Questions? Haven’t I told you every time I see you that I’m not up to anything? Isn’t that what I say?” She sounded Defensive - and Deceptive.

“Why have you been receiving Stolen Tools, ButterCup?” I asked her. I needed her to tell me the Truth of all this. That’s only fair, right?
Well, all she said was, “I didn’t. I haven’t. I’m not.”
Then I asked her, “Why is Harrizzzzz hanging around with you so much?”
“Who?” she said.

More Lies.

So to make a Long Story short, she finally mostly Confessed that Harrizzzz had been stealing Tools for quite some time, and that she, ButterCup - my ButterCup - had been hiding all those Stolen Tools in her Pantry. There must have been 87 of those things in there - everything from Saturation Gauges to Pollen Separators to Wax Densometers, and then some. I also found out that she’d been spending an Inordinate Amount of Time with Harrizzzzz, and could tell this had been going on a Long Time.

I dunno how, but the Buzz managed to get around about what these two had been up to, so now, nobody trusts either of them - at all. So now, ButterCup and Harrizzzzz are facing 1st Degree Larceny charges in Royal Court. I’ve heard their Case comes up sometime around the middle of the Warm Season, sometime after a Preliminary Pre-Trial Hearing next week. (That should bee interesting.)

I hafta’ say that I’m very excited to watch the Trial and find out if they get the Book thrown at them - which, in the case of 1st Degree Larceny, is to bee locked in a tiny cell together for Life. Forever, (at least, that's the Rumour).

That would bee highly unpleasant, wouldn’t it? And it would bee a real tragedy, mostly. But then again, I think it’s not necessarily a bad thing when the Culprits get what’s coming to them, ya’ know? I think we’d all have to agree that Lies and Deception are two things we can all get along better without in our otherwise Happy Lives, and should bee Punished Severely, don’t you? I do, too.
I mean, who needs bees who just Lie and Beetray everybody? I don’t think any of us wants bees like that around. I know I don’t.

So, as I mentioned beefore, their Preliminary Pre-Trial Hearing comes up next week (I think it’s on either Tuesday or maybee Thursday, I can’t remember), but I’m gonna go Observe the Proceedings. And don’t worry…I’ll tell ya’ what happens.

Until then,
let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature