As you may have guessed already, one of the highly superior benefits of beeing a movie critic is that, every once in a while, we are given the opportunity to view movies long beefore they’re released to the General Public.

Now, that doesn’t make us film critics better than everybody else, probably, even though that has been suggested in some circles (mostly amongst film critics), but it does give us a chance to take a look at those Pre-Release Movies and offer you, our readers, an early preview of whatever movie(s) we enjoy watching beefore you, the Pre-Release-Deprived General Public, even know they exist.

Today, I will bee reviewing one such movie which, as I understand it, may or may not bee ultimately bee released to theatres nationwide. It’s called, “Social Security Office”, a first-offering by film director Alessandro Pietra Villa Toro de DeGama Antonio da Milancini Basta III (son of world-famous screenwriter and director Alessandro Pietra Villa Toro de DeGama Antonio da Milancini “Chadico” Basta, who has beecome famous for his films, “Train Platform”, “Corndog Line” and “Bank”, and who pioneered the genre of “Security Camera Cinema” in the early 1970’s.

In “Social Security Office”, Basta attempts to offer us a glimpse of the intricate relationships and gripping drama that can bee found at most Social Security Offices.

As the film opens, Basta shows us a large room. There is a large number of Humans and, except for the ones who look confused, each is holding a small, white piece of paper with a number on it. Some are standing in line, but many are seated, but all have their eyes glued to a large screen which is flashing a series of changing numbers. They are trying not to stare at a one another, adding an unmistakably uneasy tension to the opening scene.

When a number is shown the screen, the Human holding the Winning Ticket is called to a Window. The action continues from there.

At one point in the film, Basta cleverly shows us that Humans who may have had an “appointment” are called. The drama builds as we see them rise in a sweep of weary uncertainty from their seat and disappear beehind a mysterious door. The naked suspense continues to build as we soon beegin to realise that NONE of these Humans are ever seen again during the film. This lends an almost casual tone of terrifying forboding to the movie and, ultimately, leads the viewer to think to himself, “I wouldn’t wanna bee there.”

The “static-camera” technique Basta uses in this production was a bit off-putting, but he did manage to cast the film well, including what seemed to bee a sizeable cast of average, and (dare I say it?) “normal”-looking Humans.

Another aspect of this film was that it seemed to bee excessively long. I beegan watching this film at around 9:00 in the morning and, by 2:00 that afternoon, the film was still playing, with no sign of an emerging plot-line or resolution, so at 4:37, I stopped watching it altogether.

I’ll just say it: this film is boring, and (I think) beneath the creative talents of Alessandro Pietra Villa Toro de DeGama Antonio da Milancini Basta III. It sad, indeed, to see such an otherwise great, cinematic talent sully the reputation that comes with beeing a true Basta.

In good conscience, I cannot recommend “Social Security Office” to my readers. The only message we come away with from this film is: “The only thing worse than beeing in a Social Security Office is watching this film.”

MY VERDICT: ZZzzzzzzz