Issue #3 - April 27, 2017

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Georgie's Editor is making some changes...

I’m incredibly glad that it’s finally Monday again, aren’t you? It’s just too bad that things didn’t start off all that great for me today.

Much to my surprise, My Editor insisted on seeing me in his Office the very first thing this morning. I was totally certain that he wanted to congratulate me on making all those Corrections and stuff in last week’s Issue of “Life in the Stump”.

I was wrong.

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“What,” he asked me, “is your Problem, Bee?”

“With what?” I asked.

“Our Subscribers are not at all pleased with our new Publication. They still don’t trust anything they’re reading,” he said. “It’s just been one mistake after another. Our Readers just don’t beelieve it.”

“Why not?” I asked. “Everything seems pretty much believable to me,” I told him. “What is there not to beelieve?” I was sorry I asked.

My Editor just crossed his wings and looked at me with a look I can only describe as “threatening”.

“You’re incredible,” he said.

“Thank you, I…” I started to say, but he interrupted me.

“That was not meant as a compliment. Not only have you had to go back to try to correct every, single story published in the first Issue, but you couldn’t even SPELL things properly.”

I’m just going to mention at this point that anybody who knows my work will tell you that I’m an excellent speller, and rarely make mistakes, mostly, so it came as quite a shock to hear him say this to me. I couldn’t help but feel a bit defensive.

“Such as?” I asked him.

“Such as,” he said, pointing to one of the stories from last week, “you state that we are being SUED for not getting permission from the copyright holder of the ‘This Week’s Photograph’ section.”

“Well yeah, that’s what I heard. So what’s the problem?” I challenged him.

“We’re NOT beeing SUED, Bee. And to quote your report: ‘In consideration of a infringement of Intellectyual Prooperty Lawsuit…’,” then he looked at me and asked, “Intellectyual Prooperty, Bee? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that…” I started to explain the obvious to him.

“Just stop. I know what you may have been TRYING to say, but … PROOPERTY?”

“Okay, look,” I started to explain, “when I was typing that part, I was really feeling distracted beecause the night beefore, I’d eaten a bunch of really spicy Chili Flower Honey, so I really had to go to the bathro… .”

My Editor must’ve known what I was going to say, beecause he didn’t let me finish my sentence.

“Too Much Information, Bee, and it’s NO EXCUSE. You have no buzziness in the print…and online news … profession. Your work is sloppy, and I just won’t have it. NO MORE. From now on, you’re OUT of the Printed News and Information Game. I’m reassigning you. From now on, you will function as our Silently Objective Observer, and will henceforth go out and record Bee on the Street Interviews. We will give you the questions. You will ask them. You will record the answer, then you will bring those recordings back to me. That’s it. That’s all. End of your involvement in the story. I don’t want to hear Editorial Comments from you. I don’t want to suffer through any of your incessant buzzing with explanations. I only want an Accurate, Inarguable Recording of What’s Going On Out there.”

For reason, I kinda seemed to tune him out, and I started to wonder about what kind of Recording Device I’m gonna get to use. I hope it’s one of those Mobile Mouthpiece™ Digital Opinion-Recording Units with the Extended Use Solar Battery Attachment and Adjustable Comfort Strap, ya’ know?

Anyway, my Editor finally stopped buzzing and asked, “Are we clear?”

“Well, I…,” I said.

Then he said, “Good! Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that.

So sometime today, I gotta go pick up my Recording Device and start doing Bee on the Street Interviews for this week’s Exciting and Dependably Informative Issue of “Life in the Stump”. I’m highly excited.

By the way: if you wanna bee interviewed for an upcoming issue, please send me your name, your address, your fourteen-character Buzz•O•Gram™ Account Password, the last four digits of your Hive Registry Number, two pounds of Vintage Honey, and a self-addressed, Stamped Envelope. If your story seems worth covering, I’ll absolutely, most definitely bee in touch with you, probably.

Until then . . . we’ll see ya’ Thursday.

Okay then. Let’s all bee careful out there.

Issue #2 - April 20, 2017

Once again, it's time for a
Highly Informative and Reliable Issue of
"Life in the Stump"!

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Georgie had to work late at the Office...

Sorry I wasn’t around yesterday, but when I went to my Editor’s Office, he told me that there were “a couple of Problems” with last week’s Issue of “Inside the Stump”.

“There were Issues with the Issue?” I had to ask.

“I don’t know,” my Editor said, “would you consider a whole bunch of Lawsuits ‘an Issue’?”

“Maybee,” I told him. Why are they suing you?”

“They’re not suing ME, Bee, they’re suing the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record…and Online News, and that,” he added, “is unacceptable.”

His Compound Eyes got all squinty and he pointed his wing at me and said, “And you’re not leaving this Office until you sit down and FIX those Problems, Bee.” Then he locked me inside a small room with a Pencil, a Legal Pad, and box of Erasers, and told me I had to stay in there until I, “remedied the Problem”.

“Or Else,” he said.

Geeeeeeeeeze. I hafta say that the worst way to spend a perfectly good Warm Season Tuesday trying to avoid beeing "Or Elsed", ya’ know what I mean?

Anyway, it took me all day yesterday and all last night, but I fixed the Problem, probably, so bee sure to check in tomorrow for the next Issue of “Life in the Stump”: Everybody’s Source of Dependable News and Information.

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I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go back to bed.

Let’s all bee careful out there.

Oh geeeeeze...

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Oh geeeeeeeeze. I was all ready to enjoy a nice, peaceful, uninterrupted, usually Glorious Warm Season Monday relaxing with ButterCup, but what happens? I'll tell you: my Editor just sent me a message that he's gotten a huge bunch of Formal Complaints and Lawsuits from my first issue of "Life in the Stump", and that I hafta go "explain myself" (that's what he said) "or Else". I don't get it. I can't think of anything that would have been a problem.

This whole thing is really taking the fun out of my Favourite Day of the Week, ya' know what I mean?

Anyway. I gotta go do that.

Let's all bee careful out there.

Issue #1 - April 13, 2017

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