So...Now What??


Well, I just came from my Editor’s Office. I was highly glad I could finally deliver the Reasonably Reasonable Negotiated Terms of the Settlement that BigFoot and I worked out which included the Fairly Sizeable Tab from Lousy Louie’s.

“You’re joking, right?” My Editor said when he looked over the Tab. “During your Negotiations, you consumed 387 Allegedly Bottomless Nectar Fizzes, and 193.5 orders of Honey-Smothered Pollen Puffs?? How is that even possible?” He seemed upset.

“They were difficult Negotiations,” I told him.

He just gave me one of those Suspicious Looks of his (you know the ones) and threw the Tab on his Desk. 

“And what else?” he asked me.

I gave him a copy of the “Terms of Fair and Equitable Negotiated Settlement” that BigFoot had so kindly provided, and which I had signed. He seemed to take a hugely long time reading the list. Every once in awhile, he’d let out an Aggravated Buzz then give me an Aggravated Look, but finally, he put the Document down on his Desk and said, “Fine.”

So that’s that. My Editor’s going to publish a Special Pull-Out Section of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News, and pay the Food and Beverage Tab from Lousy Louie’s (which means BigFoot can finally go back home and get back to doing whatever the hell he was doing beefore this whole mess started).

As for me, I can... I think I’m gonna… maybee I should… . Actually, I’m not sure what I’m gonna do at this Juncture. I’ve been so buzzy with the Census, BigFoot’s Frivolous Lawsuit, and the Negotiations, I haven’t had a chance to think about what I’m gonna do.

I looked at my Editor and asked,  “So what am I supposed to do now?”

“You don’t know?” he asked me.

“No, I don’t,” I said, “if I knew, I wouldn’t ask, probably.”

“I would suggest you find out,” he said.

“And what’s that? Find out what?” I asked him.  I needed to know.

My Editor just kind of looked at me and said, “Far bee it from me to tell you what you should already know, bee, but if you don’t, I would Strongly Suggest you go find out - Or Else. Now get out of Office.”

So I did that, and now, I guess I’m just gonna go try to find out whatever the hell it is that I apparently don’t know but probably should. 

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!


A Settlement is Reached!

Okay, so it turns out that Note somebody slid under my ShoeBox Door was a Buzz•O•Gram™ from my Editor. He said he had lost his Patience with me, and that I had to show up in his Office with the final Negotiated Settlement with BigFoot no later than sometime next week - Or Else.

Of course, I couldn’t do that yet, since BigFoot and I still hadn’t reached a Final Settlement. About all I can say is that I was Highly Relieved when I returned to our Back Booth at Lousy Louie’s, and BigFoot was sitting there, holding the Agenda.

“Item #4: Final Settlement,” he said as I sat down and ordered myself a Double Nectar Fizz.

“I thought we’d already done that Agenda Item,” I told him. “I’ve already agreed to sign a Sworn and Notarised Affidavit stating that I beelieve BigFoot Exists. I mean, what else do you want from me?” I had to know. Literally.

“That’s what we’re here to finish discussing,” BigFoot said, “but beefore we can move on to the Final Item on the Agenda, ‘Closing Remarks’, we must negotiate a Fair and Reasonable Settlement that Stipulates the Full, Completely and Specific Provisions that Satisfy my Demands.”

“Fine,” I said.

“Fine,” BigFoot said.

For the next several hours, I sat there and listened to BigFoot list his Demands, one after another after another after another.

Beeyond Absurd Requests for things like LifeTime Season Tickets to the Hive Opera (they’re doing “Madame ButterFly” this Season), and a pair of Oversized Roller Skates (“I need more Efficient means of Transportation,” he said), one of his Demands was that his Existence bee acknowledged publicly through an In-Depth, Tell-All Interview to bee published in a Special Pull-Out Section of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News. And another was that the Hive set aside one Month each Year to Celebrate ‘Shadow Awareness Month’.

“Fine,” I said.

“Also,” he was pushing it as far as I was concerned, “you have to pick up the Tab we’ve generated by virtue our time here. Out of a sense of Consideration Fairness, I shall leave an Appropriately Generous Tip.”

“Fine,” I said.

It turns out that BigFoot had already written down his Demands in the form of a Formal Agreement, so of course, I signed that.

Feeling Satisfied that we had finally reached a Fair and Equitable Settlement, we moved on to the next, and Final Item on the Agenda, “Closing Remarks”.

“In Closing,” BigFoot beegan, “I just want to say that it’s mostly been a Relatively Pleasant Experience engaging in these Ongoing Negotiations with you, and I’m pleased we were able to come to a Fair and Equitable Settlement. Might I suggest that we Celebrate our Accomplishment with yet another Round of Unavoidably Bottomless Nectar Fizzes - and a Large order of Louie’s Honey-Smothered Pollen Puffs?”

“Fine,” I said, but in Closing, added, “I’m just glad this is finally over.” Then I waved my Wing toward the Beverage Service Centre, and buzzed, “Louie! Another Round!”

Louie brought us some more Nectar Fizzes and Puffs, then BigFoot and I both decided to stay for the Floor Show (it was Ultra Violet’s Closing Night, and there was no way I was gonna miss that). By the time that was over, I asked Louie to bring me the Tab which, as it turns out, was Highly Huge.

“I don’t have that much Honey with me at the moment,”I told him, and there’s no way I’m washing that many Dishes, so I promise I’ll bee back at my Earliest and Most Convenient Opportunity to pay this off.”

“You’d better, or Else,” Louie said. “In the meantime, just to bee sure you don’t try to Stiff me on this Tab, I’ll bee keeping your Little Friend here as Security - let’s call it a Tip, for now.”

I’m sure when BigFoot offered to leave the Tip, he didn’t mean that he would bee the Tip, but that didn’t seem to bother him. Instead, he asked Louie, “You see me?”

“Of course I do,” Louie told him, “and I see how much you and your Pal Owe on this Food and Beverage Tab, so don’t get any ideas about blowing out that Candle while my back is turned, and trying to pull a Disappearing Act on me.”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” BigFoot said, (though I’m pretty sure he’s thought of doing exactly that especially since that Conversation seeing as how he’s been held for Ransom as a Tip in Louie’s Back Booth all night and, so far, most of Today).

“And as for you,” he pointed his Wing at me, “I’ll bee waiting.”

“Fine,” I said. Then I left.

So my next Stop is to go get this Settlement Notarised, then I’ll be paying my Editor a Visit. I’ll present the Terms of the Settlement then give him this Surprisingly Large Food and Beverage Tab so he can give me a bunch of Honey and I can go back to Lousy Louie’s and Free BigFoot from the Back Booth.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!


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