Well, I just hafta’ say that this whole thing with the Census is making me Highly Nervous, and to bee honest, I’m beeginning to feel that my Well-Beeing and Safety is beeing Threatened. I don’t like feeling like my Well-Beeing and Safety are beeing Threatened, do you? Me neither.

Okay, so so far, I’ve spent 9 days on this, and I’ve managed to Count and Mostly Interview a total of 307 Bees in the Hive. (I take Weekends off beecause it’s the Weekend), so I’ve already had some amazingly Full Days dealing with this whole Mess. Still, the Progress on this Census hasn’t been Overly Great. I’m mostly doing my best.

Of course, I know there are a hell of a lot more bees than 307 that live in the Hive which means that I have a lot of Counting and Interviewing left to do. The problem is that I still hafta’ get this thing done beefore the end of the Cool Season. Or Else.

Anyway, so Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew, and who was the 288th Bee I Counted and Interviewed) has been kind enough to help me do some Math on all this.

“Calculating from this point in Time beetween today’s Date, and the beeginning of the Cold Season, Uncle,” Kevin said, “you have just 55 days remaining in which to complete your Task. And, after referring to the Statistical Tables from the most Recent Census,” (I think that was sometime back in 2010…I don’t remember beecause I think I was either out of town or asleep), "within those 55 days you must Count and Interview an Estimated Remaining Population of approximately 29,613 Bees, or an average of 538.418182 Bees per day, give or take.”

Geeeeeeze. I don’t beelieve that’s even Possible, do you? I mean seriously now, it’s taken me 13 Days just to Count and Interview 307 Bees - and even that was pushing it.

I mean, if I only had to Count the Bees, that would bee one thing. But no. I hafta’ record Interviews with every, single one of them, and ask all these Prying and Inappropriate Questions. And most of them don’t like it and are refusing to Cooperate. I’ll go so far as to say that, as I said beefore, I feel that my Safety and Well-Beeing are in Serious Jeopardy, beecause a lot of the Bees that I’ve Interviewed have gotten incredibly Insulted and Angry at me for asking those Questions - as if this was my Idea (it wasn’t) and make it Clear they don’t want me hanging around on their Premises. Some of them even threaten to Sting me, if you can even beelieve that. That’s something nobody wants.

“You have to the count of TWO to get the hell away from me,” a lot of them say. And others say, “How dare you ask if I’ve pooped today!”, and I say, “But I didn’t ask that. I asked if you’d had a Bee M today, which is partially different”, but that doesn’t seem to help at all. So they get really mad. I’ve even received Threatening Phone Calls and Buzz•O•Grams™ in the Middle of the Night, for cryin’ out loud, just beecause I’ve been going around collecting all those Completely Semi-Non-Confidential Answers to the Mandated Questions that are listed on the Sheet that was stuck in the Manual - or Else. It’s not even my Idea to do this in the first place. Still, they blame me for some reason. Honestly now.

Take this one bee I was Counting and Interviewing. After I got set up with the Recording Device, I asked the first Prying Question:

“How many Orgasms have you had this month?”

She got Intensely Mad, said “How dare you!?”, then said, “You just wait until my Boyfriend finds out about you, bee. If I were you, I’d run.”

So I did that. I didn’t even get a chance to ask all the other Questions. So what the hell am I supposed to do now? Go back and try again? I don’t think so. No thank you.

The fact is, there are something like 187, separate Inappropriate Questions I’m supposed to ask every bee, but I don’t seem to bee able to get past the first two or three beefore I end up having to Flee for my Safety and Well-Beeing (which I beelieve I referred to earlier, if I’m not mistaken).

I think I’m gonna hafta’ talk to my Editor who’s In Charge of this whole Census Thing, and find out how in the hell he thinks I’m supposed to get all this Counting and Interviewing done beefore the end of the Cool Season - especially since we just had this Highly Disruptive Cold Front move in. Quite frankly, the last thing I feel like doing is to go running around in the Frigid Air, Counting and asking Rude Questions only to end up Freezing to Death - that’s just not acceptable, and I just won’t do it…who would?).

Personally, I think my Editor is beeing Intensely Unreasonable in his Expectations here, so I’m just gonna hafta’ pay him a Friendly Visit and ask for an Equitable Time Extension, and for sure find out if he can provide me with a new set of much more Highly Appropriate Questions. These just won’t do.

So, I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!