Beefore I get into trying to explain exactly what the hell has been going on around here lately, I need to make a Comment about something.  I don't know if anybody Realises this, but a couple of days ago, it was supposedly National HoneyBee Day. I woke up Super Early that morning beecause I was Highly Excited about beeing a bee with a National Day.  After I combed my Fuzz, got my Antennae straightened out (I slept on them funny), and put on a Fresh Pair of Socks, I waited for the first Happy National HoneyBee Day Well-Wishers to start showing up at my ShoeBox Door.  Then I waited. And waited. And waited some more. You want to know who came by? Nobody, that's who. Nobody showed up. Nobody called. Nobody sent me any Encrypted Text Messages, and by Lunchtime, I was pretty sure nobody was going to bee wishing me a Happy National HoneyBee Day.  

Instead of just wasting my time Waiting for Something That Would Apparently Never Happen, Probably, I decided to track down my Girlfriend, ButterCup. I wanted to ask her if she knew if anybody was throwing any Huge Parties to Celebrate the Special Day.

First, I went to ButterCup’s Cell in the Hive. She wasn’t there, but she did leave a Note that read:

“To Whom It May Concern:
I am taking the Day Off today. If there is an Emergency, you will find me in the Far, Far Meadow, enjoying this Beeautiful Day, and tending to Anything-But-Thriving Garden. I’ll bee back later. - ButterCup”

So I buzzed over to the Far, Far Meadow, and spotted ButterCup basking in the Sun. She was obviously taking a Break from Watering her Anything-But-Thriving Garden with that Perpetually-Self-Filling Watering Can I gave her for her Birthday a whole bunch of years ago (I’m so glad she’s actually using it).

“I see that you’ve decided to take the Day Off to Celebrate our Special Day,” I said to her.
"What Special Day?" she asked me as if she didn't know what the hell I was Buzzing about.
"National HoneyBee Day,  of course," I told her.
"Never heard of it. And, may I ask, what's so Special about it?"
"What kind of Question is that?" I asked her. "It's National HoneyBee Day. It's National. It's a Day, and we're HoneyBees - that's what's so Special about it."

ButterCup just looked at me as if I'd just told her I didn't beelieve in Beeswax (for the record, of course I beelieve in Beeswax... I mean how Ridiculous is it to think anybody, especially any Bee, wouldn't beelieve in Beeswax. That would bee like not beelieving in Vitamin Supplements), and said, "Look, Georgie, I don't know why, but I can tell this National HoneyBee Day Thing seems to bee Important to you, so I'll tell you what: it's coming up on the Middle of the Afternoon, so let me Change into something Less Comfortable, and I'll treat you to a Late Lunch at Lousy Louie's."
"Does that include Beverages?" I had to know.
"Of course," she said. "We'll order a couple tall Nectar Fizzes and Toast National HoneyBee Day!”
"Fine," I said.

So we did that.

Next year, I think that maybee I’m gonna' consider possibly planning a Huge Party to celebrate National HoneyBee Day… but I’ll tell you right now: everybody will have to bring their own Nectar Fizzes.  (Seriously now, do I look like a Bartender to you?)

Anyway, what I really wanted to Share with you is that just little while ago, I delivered my first Fabricated Intelligence-Fabricated Meteorological Forecast to my Editor, and to let him know that sit was Mostly Accurate, but that it also had some things in there he'd for sure want to Edit, probably. But when I showed up with it, he didn't let me Inform him of that Fact. Instead, he just Snatched the Print-Out from the Fi2 out of my Wing, and said, "It's about Time, Bee. We're just about to roll the Presses and Hit the 'Send' Button on today's Edition of the 'Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News’. I'm sure our Beeloved Subscribers will appreciate finally seeing an Accurate Weather Forecast for a Change. This is going Straight to Production."
"But...," I tried to tell him.
“And tomorrow, Bee" he said, "don't bee cutting things so close to the Deadline - Or Else."
"But...," I really tried again to tell him there might bee some Irregularities in the Forecast.
"But...but... I have Work to do. Get the hell out my Office," he said.

So I did that.

So do you Remember when I might have possibly for sure Mentioned that Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew and Inventor of the Fi2 Fabricated Intelligence Meteorological Forecast Device) had told me that his Invention still had a few Bugs?  Well, it does.  And remember how the Device Sees and Hears Everything and seems to want to repeat Gossip? Yeah, well, let me just say that I hope my Editor actually Edits the Forecast beefore he Publishes it. 

I hafta' say: it's mostly likely Highly Possible that we might have a Problem here, probably... .

Well, in case you completely lost track of what’s been Going On (and, if you have, don’t feel bad beecause that happens to me all the time - in fact, I asked the Hive Doctor, Ph.Bee, about it the last time I was in the Hive Clinic for my Post-Post Persistent Coma Follow-Up Exam, and after running a few Tests, he said, “You’re fine”, so if I’m Fine, you’re also Fine, probably. We’re all Fine here, so let’s just get back to where we were - which is the Noble Study of Meteorology and Weather Forecasting), Allow me to Refresh your Memory.

As I’m sure I mentioned the last time we Spoke, I had finished Studying all the Books about Meteorology that Melodie, the Hive Librarian, had Turned Me Onto. None of those made a hell of a lot of Sense to me, so, as you’ll also Remember, or not, I tried to get the help of my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, to Construct some sort of Fabricated Intelligence Device that would help me come up with all those Weather Forecasts my Editor wants me to give him. But, of course, Kevin was Buzzy, so I had to wait an entire Week beefore he had Time to See me. Which he did just two days ago which I think was a Tuesday, not that it matters.

So a couple of days ago, I made my way back to the BootBox Kevin shares with Great Grandma Gee Gee, and Boy Howdy (whoever that is) was I Greeted Warmly.

“Hello, Uncle Georgie! I am so glad you are here! I am so sorry about beeing so Abrupt with you the last time you were here, but beelieve me - when you see what I was Working On the last time you just Showed Up - which, by the way I have to say that you’re the Best Uncle in the World, and I love you, but it is Significantly Rude to just show up like that without calling first, or setting up an Appointment, so let us keep that in mind for Future Reference - you won’t Beelieve your Compound Eyes,” he said.

“Sorry,” I apologised. I don’t like it when I’m Rude, usually, even though there are times when Beeing Rude seems Highly Appropriate, especially when somebody is beeing Weird, if you know what I mean - but let’s not get into that.

“Uncle,” Kevin said as he led me into his Workshop. “Beehold the world’s First Fabricated Intelligence Meteorological Prediction Device!” Then he pointed to what looked like Bert’s (Kevin’s Robotic iBee which I had thought he’d dismantled a long time ago) Head. It was beeyond Weird, then I noticed it had a Name written on it.

“Fiz?” I asked. “That’s what you call this thing?”

“No, Uncle. Not Fiz. It is the ‘Fi2’ : ‘Fi’ as in ‘Fabricated Intelligence and ’2’ beecause it’s the Second Generation of Practical Fabricated Intelligence Devices . You should know that 1) It took me 187 Hours to Build the Fi2, and 2), the Fi2 is ranked Number One amongst any other Meterological Forecasting Devices that may or may not Exist.”

“I see,” I said, “but I hafta’ say that it looks an awful lot like Bert - your iBee’s - Head stuck to the top of some sort of box for something, and it looks kind of Weird. I think it’s Looking At me,” I told him.

“It is Bert’s Head,” Kevin said, “and it is Looking At you,” he said. “It is always Looking, it is always Listening, and it is always Processing everything it Observes in the Surrounding Environment.”

“That’s Creepy and Weird,” I said, but Kevin seemed to Ignore me as he put his wing proudly on the top of the Fi2 (Bert’s Head, actually), and started telling me a bunch of Highly Technical Stuff I didn’t want to hear.

“Powered by Fermented Berry Batteries,” Kevin said Proudly, “the Fi2 is constantly at work, observing every, minute detail of its Surrounding Environment. It is Recording both Indoor and Outdoor Temperature, Humidity, Barometric Pressure, and Wind Readings, as well as any Useful Gossip it may Overhear. It then Transfers that Data into its Internal Crystal Drive where its Fabricated Memory Module Processes it and Formulates - then Prints Out - an Unbeelievably Accurate, Up-to-the-Second Meteorological Forecast - or, as you likely call it, a Weather Report. And knowing that you Need this Device - Or Else - I am giving it to you.”

“Fine,” I said. “But beefore I carry this thing home, I need you to show me how it works.”

“No problem,” Kevin said. “It is excruciatingly Simple. Observe.”

With that, he looked at the Fi2 that was looking back at us and said, “Bert, please provide me with a Print-Out of the Current Weather Conditions and Meteorological Forecast.”

The Fi2 made kind of a Whirring noise, then it started to Print the Report Kevin had Requested. When it was done Printing, I reached over and pulled the Report out of the Slot, and read it. It said:

“The Current Temperature is 297.594 Degrees Kelvin. There is no Wind, The Humidity is a delightful 23%, and Kevin still has a Giant Crush on Fleur de Bee. Thank you.”

Kevin looked kind of Flustered and not all that Happy about what the Fi2 had Reported, so he said, “Okay, that is enough for today. I will bee making some Necessary Adjustments to the Device, and will Deliver it to you by tomorrow Afternoon. Now please leave.”

Kevin seemed to beecome Mostly Rude again, but I did that. I left.

The next Day, Kevin showed up at my ShoeBox with what I assumed was the De-Bugged Fi2.

“You are all set, Uncle. You can now just sit back, relax, and let the Fi2 Device take care of everything. It will need new Fermented Cherries in about a Month, and you will need to check the Print-Out Paper Supply and Ink Cartridges after every tenth Print-Out, but otherwise, you are good to go. And you are very Welcome.”

“Thank you,” I said. Then Kevin left.

I decided to carry the Fi2 Outside and put it in an Appropriately Semi-Sunny Shady Spot just on the other side of my ShoeBox - then I fixed myself a Refreshing Nectar Fizz (I even remembered the Necessary Umbrella and Bendy-Straw), and have been sitting here in the Shade, waiting for it to finish Printing Out its first Amazingly Accurate Meterological Forecast which I can then give to my Editor who I know I will bee Beeyond Happy to finally get off my Back about this whole thing.

So I’m gonna go do that.