I walked over to Bert and and asked him what the hell he was doing in my Living Room, and why he was just staring at me. As I got closer, I saw that he was Asleep, so I hit his On Button. He started to make Whirring and Buzzing noises, then he lifted up one of those metallic wings of his, and said, “I must request that you approach me no closer, and that you promptly cease to violate my Personal Space by increasing the distance between us by a minimum of 15.72 Inches. Or Else. Thank you for your Compliance.”

So I did that. (When I thought about it, I probably did have terrible Morning Mouth after mostly beeing asleep for the last, few months, ya’ know? And I also couldn’t find my tube of SparklyFace Mint MouthPart Paste, so I hadn’t brushed yet.)

“Do I need a breath mint?” I asked him, not that I had one of those any more than I had a bunch of Honey anymore.

“A breath mint,” Bert said, “is not required. My Request is based on the fact that, until Further Notice, a minimum of 15.72 Inches beetween our Respective Personal Spaces must bee maintained at All Times, as Mandated by Royal Proclamation Number 80645387-A which was implemented as a Measure to Minimize the Potential for Unintended Transmission of a Now-Present and Highly Unique Contagion sweeping through the Hive. Thank you for your Compliance.”

So I did that.

Then he said, “The Local Time is precisely 16:08:00 hours in 3...2...1 seconds. The Outdoor Temperature Reading is a balmy 269.817 Degrees Kelvin. Have a nice day.”

“Wait,” I said to him, “A Highly Unique Contagion? Like a Germ or something? And do you by any chance know what might have happened to all my Morning Nectar and Honey and Pollen Puffs?”

“Yes, and no,” Bert said.

“What?” I asked.

“Yes, the Contagion is like a Germ, and no, I am not aware of what happened to your Food Supplies,” Bert said.

I was most worried about my Honey and stuff, and since I’m feeling just fine, mostly, I was sure I haven’t caught whatever this Contagion might bee, probably, but I was sure Bert had to have seen SOMETHING, so I asked him again,“Then who does? I wanna know. You’ve apparently been sitting here for awhile now, right?”

“Correct,” Bert said.

“So you must have seen something, right?”

“Possibly,” Bert said.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean ‘Possibly’ ?” I asked him politely.

“My sensors indicate that, immediately prior to my Temporary DeActivation, an individual identified as ‘Fernando’, a known associate of your Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, had entered these premises. Should you require additional Profile Data on this individual, I advise you to consult with Kevin.”

“Fine,” I said.

“The Local Time is precisely 16:10 and 32 seconds in 3…2…1. The Outdoor Temperature Reading is holding steady at a balmy 269.817 Degrees Kelvin. Have a nice day,” Bert said, then he went into Low Power Mode and just kind of hummed (his Batteries must bee running down…which reminds me…I also need to get some Batteries).

Geeeeeze. This is just great. I still haven’t had a chance to talk to Kevin - and it’s still too dam cold out to even think about going anywhere, so now I hafta wait until it warms up enough to let me buzz over to talk to him about this Fernando guy. Seriously now. I’m getting Highly Hungry. Hopefully, I’ll find out what in the hell happened to all my honey and stuff - and maybee even finally bee able to have some breakfast.

And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do…just as soon as it warms up.

Let’s all bee Highly Safe out there.