Georgie's Appetite Causes Some Trouble...


Seriously now, I think the next time I hafta go see my Lawyer, S.O.Bee, I’m gonna pack a Lunch. Just a little while ago, we were able to Consult with him about a Possible Class Action Lawsuit. Unfortunately, I had Forgotten to Remind myself to Remember to eat Lunch beefore the five of us - ButterCup, Great Grandma Gee Gee, Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew), Potato (my Sensory-Impaired Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug) and I - arrived at S.O.Bee’s Office Waiting Room.

Unbeelievably, even though we had a mostly Firm Appointment for 2:15, we ended up waiting over two hours and 87 minutes beefore his Mostly Private Confidential Executive Secretary, Violet LeBlanc, finally came into the Waiting Room and said, “He will see you now”, then showed us into his Office. I was Amazingly Hungry by then.

Now, I dunno about you, but usually, when I go to somebody’s Office, and after they ask me to Sit Down and make myself Comfortable, I occasionally halfway expect them to also ask me, “May I get you anything? A Refreshing Beverage, perhaps, or a Snack?” But is that what happened this time? No, it wasn’t.

Still, I felt unbeelievably Hungry and Thirsty (and I was pretty sure everybody else was, too), so beefore Violet LeBlanc went back to her Desk, I asked her, “Excuse me, but do you by any chance have anything you might bee able to offer my Companions and me in the way of a Sparkingly Refreshing Beverage, or Late-to-Mid-Afternoon Snack? We’ve been Waiting quite awhile, and beecause we somehow forgot to have Lunch, we’re… “ (I was gonna finish my Sentence, but she Interrupted me, which I thought was Highly Rude). She raised her Wing and said, “Okay, let me just stop you there.”

So I stopped there, but she kept buzzing.

“You seem to bee suffering under the Mistaken Impression that this office in some way doubles as a Fast Food Café…”.

“Oh, no,” I Interrupted her, “it doesn’t have to bee Fast. I’m sure if you could find us something in the next five or ten Minutes, that would bee…”.

“Don’t ever Interrupt me,” she Interrupted me again. “As I was saying, this is a Law Office. This is not a Fast Food Café, nor is it a Convenience Store, nor is it a Beestro catering to your Nutritional Needs. No, this a Law Office. If you feel Compelled to seek out Beverages and/or Snack Foods in lieu of continuing with this Appointment, then by all means, I invite you - and your friends - to Reschedule for a time when you are feeling more properly Nourished.”

“No, no…” I started to say.

“I told you to never Interrupt me, and yet you did. Allow me to Enlighten you about my Role in whatever Buzziness you have with my Boss, S.O. I am his Mostly Private Confidential Executive Secretary. I am not a Food Service Worker Bee. As his Mostly Private Confidential Executive Secretary, it falls on me to assure you, our Beeloved Client, that all the necessary Paperwork relating to your Case is properly Dealt With in a Timely and Accurate Manner. As I do play an Integral Role in helping to assure you, our Beeloved Client, that your Chances in Prevailing in your Legal Challenges meet or possibly exceed the 23.387% Success Rate we Strive for, as described in the Contract you will bee asked to sign prior to our Beeginning Work on your Case. I am a Professional. I take Pride in my Work, and I would appreciate it if you would Respect that fact.”

“Fine,” I said.

“Fine,” she said, then she left, and we went on with our Meeting with S.O.Bee. To make a short story not as long as it could bee, he agreed to take our Case and file a Class Action Lawsuit against Felonie Snark and Snark Brothers Enterprises on beehalf of Great Grandma Gee Gee and me.

“Beecause this Case involves a greater number of Plaintiffs,” S.O.Bee told us, “there is a better chance that the Royal Court will hear our Arguments early next week.”

“Early next week? My Heavens, I’m so Pleased to hear that this whole Matter might bee Resolved quickly,” Gee Gee said.

“I didn’t say this would bee Resolved quickly,” S.O.Bee told her. “This may take some time, and judging by the way Georgie here has quite obviously Insulted my Mostly Private Confidential Executive Secretary, it may take even longer than expected to Expedite the Necessary Paperwork.”

Right about then, everybody just kind of looked at me and stared. I was Hungry and Thirsty - I hadn’t tried to Insult anybody. Geeeeeeze, what could I say?

“Oh geeeeze,” I said. “Maybee I should go Apologise to your Mostly Private Confidential Executive Secretary?”

“Ya’ think?” Kevin buzzed. “You know, Georgie, you’re the best Uncle in the World, and I Love you, but sometimes it seems as if you let your Appetite get the better of you.”

“Yes, Dear,” Gee Gee said. “Do go Apologise to her so that we don’t have to wait so long to deal with all of this.”

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go Apologise to her.”

So I did that.

I went out to Violet’s Desk. She was sitting there munching on some very Appetising-Looking Honey-Glazed Pollen Puffs and sipping on a Non-Fermented Nectar Fizz. She looked up at me and said, “May I help you?”

“Well,” I beegan, “on beehalf of my Friends and Me, and in order to Expedite our Case, I would like to offer my most Sincere Apologies for probably Insulting you on either Personal or Professional Level. I’m Sorry.”

Violet LeBlanc looked at me and said, “Are you? Are you truly, genuinely Sorry for treating me and this Office as if we were a Corner Diner? Are you?”

“Am I Sorry? Yes,” I told her. “I’m Sorry.”

She looked at me for a Minute or so, then finally said, “Fine. But know this: I’m watching you, bee.”

“Fine,” I said, and I went back into S.O.Bee’s Office. Gee Gee had already told him about the Counterfeit Cookies, so as soon as I sat down and after he didn’t offer me a Refreshing Beverage or Snack, he asked me if I was going to join the Class Action Suit.

“Of course,” I said.

“And what do you hope to gain?” he asked me. “I ask, beecause as you’ll see in my Standard Retainer Agreement you’ll bee signing, my Standard Fee is Doubled since this will bee an Expedited Class Action Suit. What that means is that, upon our Successful Adjudication of this Matter - and beecause I will bee waiving my Fee for Gee Gee as a part of our ‘Give Seniors a Break’ Promotional Offer we’re Offering this week, so I will bee compensating for my Losses by adding an additional 23% to my already-Reasonable Fee of 64% of any and all of your Personal Assets, Real or Imagined, that are Reclaimed from the Snarks. If you are Agreeable to these Terms, please Sign this Binding Irrevocable Retainer Agreement, and we will get Started on your Case.” Then he gave me a Pen.

“Fine,” I said, and I signed. S.O.Bee thanked us, then he called Violet LeBlanc to Show us Out, which she did.

Of course, beefore we left, she pointed to the Pen S.O.Bee had given me to sign the Binding Irrevocable Retainer Agreement with and said, “The Pen. You need to return the Pen. This is also not an Office Supply Store. As I said, I’ll bee watching you, bee.” (Geeeze, it’s not as if I was trying to Steal the Pen, probably.)

“Fine,” I said, then I gave her back the Pen and we left.

So now that we’ve Concluded our Buzziness with S.O.Bee, I’m still Intensely Hungry and Thirsty in a Major Way. Seriously, I need to find a Snack.

So I’m gonna go do that.


Don't Panic - but we use Google Analytics to collect ANONYMOUS readership/site usage data. Under NO circumstances will your information be in any way published or shared with any outside entity or third party. Thanks!