Kevin Updates his Invention
Hello.
This is Kevin, Georgie's Illegitimate Nephew. I simply wanted you, my Uncle's Beeloved Readers, to know that I have been working on Modifying my Intra-Cranial Neuro-Conductive Combination Thought-Transcriber and Protective Bike Helmet™, and replaced the earliest and most of the more insufferably cumbersome Design Components with a much more efficient and streamlined Wireless Neuro-Transmission and Filtering Module, which I will bee Engaging for the first time in just Moments from now.
I am proud to say that my new Module not only provides a Faster, More Reliable and Well-Filtered Communications Link with my Uncle's Brain, probably, but also completely does away with the Antiquated Thought Transcription Printer which, until today, had been installed by Georgie's Bedside in the Hive Clinic's Questionably Traumatic Cranial Injury Ward and which, quite frankly, used up way too much paper and ink. That Out-Dated Unit has now been replaced with the new, Mostly-Secure Wireless Module that I have cleverly disguised as an Inconspicuous Auxiliary Feeding Tube. Thanks to the new Module, Georgie's Thoughts will bee instantaneously and conveniently Displayed on any compatible, authorised Flat-Screen TV. (After Nurse Beeatrice somehow obtained possession of previous Printed Transcripts of Georgie's Comments regarding his less-than-favourable Opinion of her, and after she then beegan squeezing unripened Lemon Juice into his Feeding Tube as Pay-Back for those Opinions, my Uncle expressed the Beelief that from now on, it would bee best if only you, his Trusted and Beeloved Reader, and I, his Illegitimate Nephew, should have access to his Innermost Thoughts.) [NOTE: Please bee Advised that the Clinic's Habitual Inpatient Possibility of Privacy Act - (or HIPPA, for short) - strictly prohibits any of us from revealing or publicly discussing Confidential NeuroCommunications shared by a Coma Patient who, in this case, happens to bee Georgie. So let us agree right now to do that, and thank you for your Discretion.]
So, with that, and without further Ado, I will now Engage the Wireless Transmission and Filtering Module, and we will bee to rejoin Georgie's Coma in 5...4...3...2...1...
"Hello? Are we on? Are we Connected? Can you hear me?
So it’s me, Georgie Bee. I’m still stuck in this Bed, and I’m still in a Coma, but I hafta say it’s a Huge Relief beeing able to Communicate with the World again, even if (as I understand it), everything I say is apparently going through my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, which I’ll tell you right now I’m not overly Pleased About, but what can I do about it?
Nothing, that’s what.
Anyway, Kevin has insisted that I issue a Warm and Heart-Felt Apology to all my Friends and Readers out there for using Less-Than Civil Language the last time you heard what I was thinking.
I want to Apologise for thinking that my Nurse is a Raving *CENSORED*. Oh sure, she may bee a Total *CENSORED*, but I've been Informed that’s no excuse for my Thinking Out Loud that she’s a *CENSORED*, even if she is. FINE. I’m sorry, mostly. I apologise. It won’t happen again (at least, that’s what Kevin told me). Also, please bee sure to tell that *CENSORED*, Nurse Beeatrice, that I apologised, and tell her to please stop putting that unripened Lemon Juice in my Feeding Tube. It’s highly unpleasant.
While you’re listening, I’d also like to ask if somebody would please get in touch with ButterCup and tell her she doesn’t hafta to keep coming over every day to spend time with me and read to me as she has been doing. I mean, I do appreciate the Effort and Concern on her part, but for the past several weeks, she’s just been reading those False Crime Stories she likes so much, and I’m starting to get seriously bummed out. I mean sure, she can visit all she wants, but maybee you could ask her to chill out on the False Crime already. It's really wearing thin.
Thanks. I appreciate it.
Oh! Beefore I forget it…
It's Highly Important that I tell you tha—— "
—LOST CONNECTION—
Hello, this is Kevin again.
I’m sorry to interrupt, but it appears that we’ve lost the Wireless Connection to Georgie’s thoughts.
Please bear with me while I try to fix that.
Thank you for your patience.