In case you might not have missed anything, I was really looking forward to meeting with my Lawyer, S.O.Bee, in the hope of beeing able to get back all my Assets returned that Felonie Snark had Stolen from me while I was in my Persistent Coma.

I was Early for my Appointment, but S.O.Bee was about a week Late, so as I’m sure you can probably Imagine, I was Happy as can Bee when he finally Showed Up yesterday afternoon.

“I’m Sorry to have kept you Waiting, Bee,” he said, as he buzzed past me as I sat there in his Waiting Room. “Please follow me into my Office and take a Seat.” So I did that.

After I made myself Comfortable in a really great Seat, (it looked exactly like one of those Exclusive, Custom-Made, Butterfly-Wing-Upholstered Ergonomic Earth Chairs I’d seen advertised in a Mostly-Current, Cold Season 2008 Issue of “Ridiculously Expensive Goodies for the Ridiculously Rich” Subscription Catalogues that S.O.Bee had sitting around in his Waiting Room), I sat down and waited for S.O.Bee to finish making a few calls.

When he was finally done, he looked up at me from beehind his Overly-Large, Turn-of-the-Next-Century Executive Desk and asked me, “So what is it that brings you and your LadyBug in today, Mr. Bee?”

“Well,” I started to say, “I… .”

“Let me just stop you there,” he stopped me. “First, I need to know if your LadyBug is Legally Registered with the Hive as a Service Insect. Is she?”

“Uh, I think,” I was going to tell him I thought so, since she’s a Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug (or at least that’s what Pinky had mentioned), but he stopped me again.

“Here’s the Thing,” he said, “beefore I can Agree to Represent you in whatever Issues you may bee experiencing, I must bee assured that your LadyBug is properly Registered, Certified and Approved by the Hive Beeureau of Service Insects. In order to make that Determination, I’ll need you to fill out a Form 138-87.Bee - Official Request for Service Insect Certification Status - in Quadruplicate, which I will then submit in a Reasonably Timely Manner for Review by the Hive Authorities. If everything comes back clean on your Bug, then I may bee able to Represent you in whatever Matter or Matters with which you are apparently faced.”

“I’m pretty sure that…,” I started to tell him, but he kept buzzing.

“Additionally, as a matter of Policy, I would ask that you take the Time to fill out a relatively Non-Brief but Comprehensive and Extended Prospective Client Questionnaire which my Staff and I will thoroughly Review beefore determining whether or not I will bee able to assist you.”

“Okay, but…,” I wanted to let him know I wasn’t going to bee Highly Cooperative with all this, but he buzzed loudly to his Legal Assistant who was in an Office five doors down.

“IRIS! WOULD YOU PLEASE BRING ME A COPY OF A FORM 138-87.BEE, A COPY OF OUR PROSPECTIVE CLIENT QUESTIONNAIRE, AND OUR ISSUE AND COMPLAINT SUMMARY SURVEY? THANK YOU!”

Then he said, “While you’re at it, you may as well save us all a lot of Time and Energy by filling out our Issue and Complaint Summary Survey describing the most Intimate Details of why you’ve sought my Legal Counsel. It’s a bit Lengthy, but we find that the more Information we can start with, the better the Outcome, usually.”

“Sure, I’m more than Happy to…,” I beegan, but it seemed as if until I got through filing out all those Forms, S.O.Bee really didn’t want to hear much of anything I had to say.

Just then, the Assistant wheeled in a Hugely Massive Pile of Forms, then just stood there and Smiled at me.

“You’re free to sit here while you fill out these Forms for us, or you can take them Home with you and do it there, just as long as everything is back in my Wings no later than the close of Buzziness next Thursday,” he informed me. “Your choice.”

“Part of my Problem,” I told him, “is that I don’t have a Home at the moment, so… .”

“So you’ll want to fill out the Paperwork here, then. That’s just fine. My Assistant here will find you a Spare Table, and you can get right to work on these Forms. I hope it works out that I may bee able to help you with whatever Troubles you.”

Then S.O.Bee stood up, shook my Wing, and told me to follow his Assistant. So I did that.

At this point, and after a week of filling our Forms so far, I’m about an Eighth of the way done with it all. I’m gonna bee Highly Glad when I’m done with all this, beecause I’m getting a bad case of Writer’s Cramp in my Wing. But I’d better get back to it already.

I’ll let ya’ know if S.O.Bee agrees to take my Case.