The Gag Order Has Been Lifted ...

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So now that the Snark Brothers’ Trial is over, and the Gag Order has been Lifted, I can finally tell you all about what the hell has been going on around here. So I’m gonna do that right now.

First of all, and despite my Coerced Testimony for the Defence, the Snarks were found Guilty of all the Charges, which included (but were not Limited to): A) Attempting to Influence the Outcome of a Duly-Democratic Disposal of a Former Queen, Bee) Honey-Laundering, and 3) Witness Tampering. And of course, I was the Witness who was Tampered With. And here’s what happened with all of that:

I was sitting in my ShoeBox, having a Civil Conversation with my Sensory-Impaired Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug, Potato, when we were Interrupted by another Knock at the Door. It turned out to bee Chaz Snark, who had Disguised himself as (I found out later) a Door-to-Door Rubber Cook-and-Dinner Ware Salesbee. He said I had to come with him. “Or Else”.

I asked Chaz where it was he was taking me, but he just said, "Ya' don't needs to bee askin' a bunch of questions,  bee. Askin' a bunch of Stupid and Inappropriate Questions could lead to some very Unpleasant Soycumstances for everybody dat's Involved in all dis, if yous gets my Drift."

I didn't get his Drift, but I pretty much understood he wasn't feeling very Enthusiastic about satisfying my Curiosity, so I stopped asking Stupid and Inappropriate Questions, and just kept following him.

It turns out that Chaz led me to his Brother, Narville's, Office. I'd been there beefore, and I hafta' say that it looked exactly as I remember it.  

"Come in and siddown," Narville Snark said as Chaz kind of Shoved me through the Office Door. "Chaz and me - we's wanting ta talk to yas about sometin' dat's Worryin' us. I'm sure yous doesn't want us feelin' Worried, so dat's why we needs to have dis little Talk."

Even though he never asked if I wanted something (like a Refereshing Beverage of some kind), Narville seemed friendly enough, I guess, so I didn't argue too much as Chaz pushed me down into a chair, though I didn't think it was totally Necessary to tie my Wings to the Arms like he did, though I'm thinking maybee I should have. Then Narville started talking to me.

To make a very Long and Uncomfortable Story Short, Narville spent the next hour and 87 minutes explaining to me how he and his Brother, Chaz, felt about my Upcoming Testimony for their Trial. They seemed to bee worried that maybee I'd say something they didn't want me to say, and made sure I understood their Concerns. I probably had to tell him at least 42 times that I understood beefore he Beelieved me, but finally he said, "Okay den, bee. I tinks we understands one anoder dat it's best if yous don't sez anyting durin' dis Trial dat would bee Embarrassing  - Or Else."

I told them I wasn't planning to say anything Embarrassing to Anybody (I usually try not to). 

"Dat's good ta hear, bee” Narville said, then he told me that, in Exchange for what he called my “Favourable Testimony”, he had an Offer I would bee interested in pursuing - something he called a "Lucrative Opportunity wit our Allegedly Fine Company", which turned out to bee a Job selling their new line of Rubber Cookware and Dinnerware Door-to-Door. Even though I thought I remember I needed a Job (or not?), I wasn't Interested in doing Door-to-Door Sales again. The last time I did that (which I think was selling Murder Hornet Swatters), I didn't really Enjoy myself all that much, so I said, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Narville kind of smiled at his Brother, Chaz, and said, "Tanks but no tanks he sez."

"Yeah, tanks but no tanks," Chaz repeated. "Dat's funny," he said.

I didn't think it was that funny, but Narville and Chaz just kept looking at each other and laughing. Finally, Narville said, "So we's gonna gives you dis Sales Kit for our new line of Rubber Cookware and Dinnerware, and sends you on your way. And dere's no need to tank us for yous Cooperation. Now get the hell out of my Office."

So after Chaz untied me, he shoved the Sales Kit into my Wings, and I did that.

Now, you're probably thinking that was pretty much the End of the whole Conversation, but as it turned out, Narville had left one of his Office Windows open, and one of my Old Friends, P.C.Bee, just happened to bee walking by and Overheard the Conversation, which (beeing Politically Correct Bee he is) he Immediately Reported everything he’d Overheard to the Prosecutor, who added "Witness Tampering" to the Charges the Snarks were facing. They're weren't Overly Happy about that, but at least they didn't blame me for the New Charges, probably.

At their Trial, and even though I did my best to Testify on their Beehalf at their Trial (I told the Court that they'd mostly honoured the Settlement in our Class Action Suit), both Chaz and Narville were found Guilty of all Charges. The Judge said she'd Sentence them after we Adjourned for Lunch. Fortunately for them, the Snarks were apparently Friends with the Judge, and they somehow Convinced her to go out to a Three-Nectartini Lunch at Lousy Louie's with them. By the time everybody got back to the Courtroom to hear the Snark's Sentencing, the Judge just said, "I see no Reason to keep dragging this whole Matter out. I hereby Sentence the Snark Brothers to Time Served" (never mind that they never Served any Time at all), "and a Fine of 1 Pound of Honey...Court Adjourned." Then everybody left the Courtroom. So I guess that was that, except for the fact that the Snarks are Appealing the Fine. 

I'd spend a little more time here telling you all about the Public Outrage that followed the Snark's Trial, but I have to get out and start selling this Rubber Cookware and Dinnerware - Or Else.

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Who Was At the Door the Other Day?

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I hafta say that I'm more than a little bit completely Beeyond Frustrated.

Do you remember the other day when I mentioned that somebody was at my ShoeBox Door? And did I ever tell you who it was? If not, I'll tell you that it was a Process Server who was Intensely Determined to make sure that I was in Legal Possession of a Supbeena and Gag Order that S.O.Bee (the Snark Brother's Lawyer) wanted me to have. I dunno why, but I’m beeing called to Testify at the Snark Brother's Preliminary Pre-Trial Hearing next week as a Witness for the Defence.

Seriously now.  S.O.Bee wants me to bee on the Snark Brother's side?? I can't stand those guys.

What's even worse is that, according to the Gag Order, I can't talk about the Case - or about anything Else that's been going on around here - to anybody, including Potato. That means I can't even say Anything to you about Anything until after I Testify next week. 

Geeeeeeeezzzze. How unfair is that?

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The Snarks are in the News ...

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I hafta' say that both Potato (my Sensory-Impaired Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug) and I are Highly Pleased that Larry (that Wasp) has Vacated the Premises. We've managed to get all my Stuff moved back to where it beelongs, and we're Heavily Enjoying our new Huge-Screen LED TV.  Most of the time, Potato and I have no Major Disagreements about what to Watch, but the other day, I used my Remote to change the Channel to UKN (the Useless Knowledge Network) beecause I wanted to watch a Fascinating Eleven-Part Documentary on the History of Casseroles. That's when Potato said, "Excuse me, but I have precious little Interest in Casseroles, as a general Rule, so if you wouldn't mind, I would prefer it if we could turn to the Bee Network and watch the Movie of the Week, 'The Secret Life of Humans'."

Of course, I'd read some Reviews of that Movie and personally, it didn't sound all that Interesting (except for the Chase Scenes which the Film Critic said were obviously A.I.-Generated), and I told Potato so. 

"Well, that is all Well and Good," she said, "but I have NOT seen it and would very much appreciate beeing given the Opportunity to form my own Opinions about the film."

"Trust me," I said, "I'm mostly pretty sure you'd find the Documentary much more Interesting, not to mention Educational."

"But you haven't seen either one, right? " Potato asked me.

"Well, no, but...", I started to say.

"...but you're willing to let some Film Critic tell you what's good or bad?" Potato asked.

"Well, uh, but I... "

"What if you watched the Movie and liked it? What if that Movie Critic was Wrong? Don't you think it would bee better if you trusted your own Opinion instead of somebody else's, somebody you don't even know?" Potato asked.

"Well, I..."

"I want you to really Beelieve in yourself, Georgie. I want you to Beelieve in your ability to form your own Opinions. You Beelieve in yourself, right?" 

"Well, yeah, but I... ." She kept interrupting me.

"So show me the Georgie Bee that Beelieves in himself. Show me the Georgie Bee who isn't afraid to watch the Movie with me and form his own Opinion about it. What do you say?" Potato asked me.

"Well, I suppose I could..." I started to say.

"Oh good - I'm so glad to hear you've chosen to beelieve in You," Potato said.

"Fine," I said, "I'll watch the Movie with you. But after that, I want to watch the Documentary," I told her.

"Fine," Potato said.

"Fine," I said.

So we did that. (Potato can bee very Persuasive.)

Now that I've seen it myself, my Opinion is that 'The Secret Life of Humans' seemed Unrealistic (at least as far as the Humans I know), and except for the obviously A.I.-Generated Chase Scenes, it wasn't all that Interesting. But whatever.

Anyway, the one Broadcast that Potato and I can agree on, usually, is the Every-Evening News which we watch every Evening, unless something happens and we have to Stream the ReRun the next Morning, which can bee Highly Confusing (especially when they start talking about Tomorrow... which Tomorrow? Tomorrow Tomorrow, or Yesterday's Tomorrow, which is Today?  It's even more Confusing when it can bee a bit Uncertain as to what Day it actually is - know what I mean?).  

So what was it we were just Talking about? Oh yeah.
The Snark Brothers.

I dunno if you've been in Tuning In to the Every-Evening News lately, but if you have, I'm sure you've noticed that the Snark Brothers have been the Big Topic. You can't watch the News or look at a Newspaper without seeing their Mug Shots. They're everywhere. As we know, the Snarks have been the Subject of some fairly serious Accusations and Criminal Investigations lately. From what I've heard, the only reason they're not in Jail is beecause of their Defence Attorney, S.O.Bee. (As I think we all know, S.O.Bee can keep just about anybody out of Jail, except for those Clients of his who end up in Jail.) I heard on the latest Snark Report that there's gonna bee a Preliminary Pre-Trial which is supposed going to start sometime in the next week or three.  They say that today, the Court is issuing Supbeenas to all the Involved Parties. All I have to say is that I'm glad that I... 

Oh wait, sorry... there's somebody at the Door. Hold on.
I'll bee back in Sec, probably.

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Larry Finally Moves Out, and the Snark Brothers are in the News...

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I'm Primarily Happy to Report that the Weather has turned off much warmer, which means that Larry has finally moved out! He still hadn't managed to arrange for his own place ("the rents they're asking out there are ridiculous," he said, "and I'm in no position to bee building my own nest - it's warmer, but not that much warmer."), but luckily,  he was kindly taken in by the Narvile Snark Home for Wayward Wasps ™ (a Snark Brothers Enterprises - sponsored Franchise Care Facility and Laundering Operation).  Of course, when he moved out he mistakenly took my Big Screen LED TV - and all the Remotes - but that's mostly a Small Price to Pay  to have my ShoeBox and most of my Stuff back and to have Larry out of here. 

Now all I have to do is deal with all those Roly-Poly Bugs who are living Under my ShoeBox, but right now, it's not a Big Deal beecause they're all Asleep, and they're not a Problem. (Still, they're gonna hafta' leave when things really start getting nice when the Warm Season gets here. I sure the hell don't want a bunch of Roly-Poly Bugs coming and going at all hours of the Day and Night. Who would?)

Now I dunno if you know it, but awhile ago, the Snark Brothers ran into a bit of Difficulty with the Hive’s Department of Ethical Oversight, and part of the Plea Agreement Narville and Chaz Snark made was that they’d Dedicate at least some of their Substantial Income to a Service or Facility that would Benefit everybody. That’s when Narville came up with the Idea of creating the Narville Snark Home for Wayward Wasps ™ , which is currently under Investigation for Misappropriation of Donated Office Supplies, but at least they had room for Larry.

And speaking of the Snarks ... 

I stopped by my Editor's Office the other day to Deliver the next part of my Special Feature Article about what it was like to bee in a Persistent Coma, but he said,"Sorry, Bee, but there's not Room for you. We've had to Bump your Special Feature Article beecause a Huge Scandal has been Exposed involving Narville and Chaz Snark. We don't have all the Details yet, but we're dedicating a lot of Space in the next Issue of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News to publishing everything we Don't Know about the whole thing."

"So what's going on?" I asked. 

"We don't know all that much," my Editor said, "other than it looks like the Snarks may bee involved in some sort of Scheme to Falsify approximately 11,787 Signatures on a Petition to Reinstate Queen Jemima III. At this point, though, all we really have are some old Mugshots of the Snarks from a Previous Arrest, and we’ll just keep Publishing those while we wait for the Indictments."

"Really?" I asked. "I thought I heard Queen Jemima III had retired to Aruba and was spending her Retirement selling Exotic Island Honey to Tourists and signing autographs."

My Editor didn't say anything, but just kind of stared at me. Finally, he said, "Get the hell out of my Office."

So I did that.

Anyway, it was a Huge Relief finding out that I don't hafta spend a bunch of time hanging around somewhere there isn't Room for me, after all, which means that I've been able to stay away from my Editor and spend most of my time Cleaning Up my ShoeBox and Re-Re-Arranging my Stuff (Larry had moved all my Stuff around in a Highly Unacceptable Manner) instead. As I'm sure you know, I insist on Proper Arrangement of my Stuff.  There's a Place for Everything, and Everything must bee in its Place.

When I'm done talking to you, and since it’s Reasonably Nice out, I’m gonna go pay a Personal Visit to the new Electric Apiary Outlet and Warehouse (“The Electric Apiary: Your Go-To-Place for Small-to-Medium Electrical Appliances"), and buy a new Huge-Screen Mostly Intelligent LED TV (with a SoundBar and two Remotes - one for Potato, and one for me). After that, we'll not only bee able to Stream the News and find out what the hell is going on with the Snarks, but I’ll bee able to catch up with my Stories also as well.

So I'm gonna go do that.

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Georgie has a Lot to Talk About this week...

Georgie-with-his-Editor-1.5.23


Right off the Top here I’m gonna hafta’ warn you that I have a Lot to tell you about, so if you’re in some kind of Hurry or something, you probably shouldn’t end up eeing Late just beecause you decided to spend the Time reading whatever it is that I have to say - even though some might consider that to bee Highly Rude. But then again, it’s Highly Rude to bee Late, isn’t it? So either way, I guess maybee it doesn’t matter.

Anyway.

So in case you haven’t Noticed, it's been Highly Cold out. Now usually, that wouldn't bee much of a Problem, beecause as Bees, if it's too Cold out, we just stay inside where it's Warm and Enjoy the Time Off. Unfortunately, things just haven't been quite that Simple around here lately, have they? No, they have not.

First of all, that Wasp, Larry (the one that keeps Dominating the TV Remote Control, who never picks up his Wet Towels in the Bathroom, and who was supposed to have Moved Out of my ShoeBox by Midnight, December 31, 2022) is still a Problem. Why? Beecause he’s still here.

At long last, I was supposed to finally have my ShoeBox back, and Potato (my Sensory-Impaired Certified Emotional Support/Service Lady Bug) and I could try to enjoy this Cold Season without a Wasp around. But did that happen? No, it did not.

As it turned out, the day Larry was supposed to Pack his Things and Move Out, it got Beeyond Highly Frosty Cold out and, beecause Larry is a Jerk and didn't Plan Ahead, he had no place to go when my Chime-Rite ™ Accu-Tick Personal Chronometer struck Midnight.

“Where am I to go?” Larry asked. Did I have an answer?
No, I did not.

As I am sure you Know, I just happen to bee a Highly Considerate and Kind Bee, so could I just throw Larry out of my ShoeBox and into the Dark, Freezie Cold, knowing that he'd probably Freeze to Death? That wouldn't bee Right at all, even if he is a Jerk, now would it? No, it would not, no, I could not, so no, I didn’t. So Larry is still here, in my ShoeBox, with Potato and me - and he's still not picking up his Wet Towels, the Jerk. 

I'm gonna' bee Intensely Glad when it finally warms up and Larry can finally get the hell out of my ShoeBox.

In the meantime, I've had to go Outside twice this week.
The first time I had to go Out it was beecause I was Informed by Ph.Bee, the Hive Doctor, that I had to show up at the Hive Clinic for a Complimentary Post-Persistent-Coma-Follow-Up Exam. The day I had to go it was so Cold that my Wings were just about Frozen by the time I got there, even though I was wearing my Mittens.

When I arrived, Nurse Beeatrice immediately started Buzzing at me about Bringing In a bunch of Melty Snow on my Boots. But what in the hell was I supposed to do? I had to walk to the Clinic (I mean, have you ever tried to Fly with Mittens on? Yeah, I didn't think so.) There's Snow all over everywhere Outside, so yeah sure fine, I might have gotten some Snow on my Boots and Tracked it into the Clinic. But if they Know that there's Snow everywhere Outside, why the hell don't they Install some sort of Protective Mat and Moisture Barrier down at the Entrance? I asked Nurse Beeatrice about that - she just gave me a Dirty Look and said, "Don't bee Impertinent, Bee."  

Fine. But then don't get Mad at me just beecause you didn’t Plan Ahead is what I say. Seriously now.

Anyway, Nurse Beeatrice told me to have a Seat, then gave me a Huge Stack of Papers to fill out. I told her that I had already just filled out all those Forms, and that Nothing at all had Changed, except for my Address, which (as we all Know) was what it was Beefore I even went into that Persistent Coma, so ... but she didn't seem to Care, did she? No, she did not.

"It's the New Year," she told me. "You must fill out all of our Mandatory Personal Information and Health History Reporting Forms at the beeginning of each and every New Calendar Year - Or Else."

Fine. So I did that. Then I had to wait about 87 Minutes beefore Ph.Bee finally came back from Lunch and started giving me the Exam. 

He gave me the same Physical Exam he did the day they thew me out of the Clinic and left me in that Meadow, including what Ph.Bee called a “Semi-Standardised Fictional Apperception and Suspected Impaired Memory Test - or the SSFASIMT, for short.” I guess I didn't do so well on that one, beecause Ph.Bee said, "It's pretty apparent that your Condition is simply Not Improving as we’d Hoped. According to the SSFASIMT’s Questionably Reliable Test Results, it’s clear that you now very much suffer from Post-Persistent-Coma Memory Impairment and Personality Shift Disorder - or PPCMIPSD, for short."

"What in the hell is that?" I asked him.

"And, unfortunately, there is no actual Treatment for PPCMIPSD. You'll likely have to learn to Live with it," he said.

"Yeah, but what is it? There's nothing I can do about it?" I had to have some Answers.

"So we'll see you back here in... let's say in maybee a Year? We will do another Follow-Up on this. Until then, I’ll bee giving you this Certificate that will Explain to anybody who might Ask that you suffer from PPCMIPSD and that you’re not Fully Responsible for yourself or your Actions. Please bee sure to stop at Nurse Beeatrice's Station on your way out to set up the Follow-Up Appointment, and to pay any Outstanding Balances currently Due on your Account. Have a nice Day."  I took the Certificate, and he left.

Geeeeeze. Not only did I find out I have PPCMIPSD, but that I had an Outstanding Balance Due of over 138,913 Pounds of Honey; fortunately, I was able to pay off that Entire Balance Due by Redeeming approximately 358,948,320.3 of those Snark Brothers Gift Cards, which leaves me just enough of those things to give out for Birthday Gifts over the next Year, so that was a good thing. 

After I left the Clinic with my Certificate, I had some Extra Time on my Wings, so I Decided to stop by the “Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News” and pay a Mostly Friendly Visit to my Editor. I hadn't heard from him in a Long While you know, and I thought maybee he might have some sort of Assignment for me - you know, something to kind of help get me back into the Real World after beeing in that Persistent Coma so Persistently. 

When I got to his Office, my Editor seemed Highly Upset to see me for some Reason.

"Just where the hell have you been, Bee?" he asked me. I didn’t think it was Necessary for him to bee so Nasty, but I told him that, except for that visit to the Hive Clinic, I've pretty much just been hanging out at home in my ShoeBox (unfortunately with that Jerk, Larry), trying to stay Warm, since it's so Cold outside, and that even though he hadn’t Asked yet, I was Mostly Fine.

"Except for the fact that Larry refuses to pick up his Wet Towels, and that he's a TV Remote Hoarder, I guess things have been going Okay," I told him. "I think for the next few Days, after I get back to my ShoeBox, I just might..."

"Let me just stop you there, Bee," he stopped me there. "What I want to know is: where is it?"

"Where is what?" I asked. 

"The next Part of your Feature Story. You're beeyond Late, and our Beeloved Readers are seriously beeginning to lose their Patience with you, as am I," my Editor buzzed.

"I have No Idea what you're Talking About," I commented.

“Your Feature Story - the one you’re supposed to bee Writing every Week for this Publication,” he Reminded me. “Is that what you’re Holding in your Wing?”

“This?” I asked.

“Yes, that, the Thing you’re Holding in your Wing,” he said.

“No, I don’t think this is a Feature Article, but I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to Show it to you,” I said as I showed him my Certificate.

My Editor took the Certificate and started Reading all about how I have PPCMIPSD, and what that might Mean as far as my Ability to Responsibly Hold Down a Steady Job.

Finally, he said, “So that’s how this is going to Play Out, is it, Bee? You think that beecause you have PPCMIPSD, you can just Lolly-Gag, and not Show Up to Work? Is that it?”

“Well, yeah, I…” I started to tell him, but he interrupted me.

“Guess again, Bee. If you think you can just not Show Up and do the Job you were Hired to do, you might as well not Show Up,” he said. “There’s not Room around here for any Bee who doesn’t Show Up, so you’re going to have to Decide: are you going to Show Up or Not?”

I wasn’t sure how I should Answer his Question, beecause I was Highly Confused about whether or not there was Room for me if I didn’t Show Up. It sounded like there wasn’t, and even less Room for me if I did Show Up.

“What was the Question?” I asked him.

My Editor Yanked on his Antennae in an Angry Way, then pointed his Wing at me and said, “Bee, PPCMIPSD or No PPCMIPSD, Certificate or No Certificate, I expect you to Show Up with the next Part of your Feature Article describing Life with a Persistent Coma - Or Else! Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that.

I really hope that if I do Show Up with whatever it was that my Editor wants from me, that there’s Room for me, ya’ know? Until I get this Figured Out, though, I’m gonna stay right here in my Boot Box and try to stay Warm (it’s Highly Cold Outside, in case I didn’t mention it).

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