April 2019

Observation #36: Customer Surveys

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36

Is it just me? Or does it seem that every time you turn around these days, somebody’s asking you to do a Survey, or an Opinion Poll, or they’re asking for your Valuable Customer Feedback?

As I’m mostly sure you’ll remember, I went out the other day to try to get my Nectarizer fixed. It’s still broken, so I asked my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, if he’d take a look at it.

Kevin’s highly talented when it comes to figuring out machines and stuff, you know, but when I went over to his BootBox, he just said,
“Uncle Georgie, you’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, but this Nectarizer has had it. It is beeyond repair.”
“But,” I needed to mention, “I just got that thing. It’s new. I only used it once, then it broke.”
“I am not in the least surprised,” Kevin said, “I have heard that these particular Nectarizers aren’t very well-made. Built-in Obsolescence, you know. It is rumoured that the Snark Brothers have been cutting corners in their newest models, and unfortunately for those in need of a good, efficient Nectarizer, they have discontinued their older, significantly more reliable models. And, of course, it is impossible to get parts for any of the old ones that are left, so. I don’t know what to tell you. Good luck, I guess.”

After what I’ve already been through with this thing, I decided to just forget about it. I’ll hafta try to live without a Nectarizer.

When I got back to my ShoeBox, there was an Urgent Buzz•O•Gram™ stuck to my Door. It was from the Director of Customer Service at the Snark Brothers Repair Palace. He wanted me to visit their Web Site and fill out a Customer Satisfaction Survey, and let them know how pleased I was with my Recent Visit. So I did that. I made sure that I gave them a highly low rating, since they ended up never helping me. At all.

Just as I as clicked on “SUBMIT”, another Message Window suddenly popped up that said, “How did we do?” and which asked if I would take another, Short Survey about what I thought of the Survey I just took. I wasn’t gonna do that one, but beecause they said they valued my Opinion, I knew it was so incredibly important, I did that one, too.

Finally, when I got done with that, I decided to find out if maybee somebody out there has a Used, Older Model Nectarizer in Excellent Condition, so I logged on to BeeFind and did a Seek. Of course, nothing came up but bunch of messages from other bees who were also looking for the same thing. It was highly discouraging.

Beefore I could log off and get back to watching my Stories, an Instant Robot-to-Bee Message popped up, asking me if I found what I was looking for on BeeFind, and if I’d bee interested in taking a short survey about BeeFind’s Seeking Services.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” it asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Do you plan to use BeeFind’s Seeking Services again, and would you recommend it to a friend?”
“Probably,” I said.

I hafta ask: what the hell are all these Surveys about all of a sudden these days? It used to bee that we could just bee a Customer and that would bee that. Not now. Not anymore. Now we hafta spend a bunch of time answering Prying Questions.

It’s like the last time I went out and got some HoneyGlazed Pollen Poppers™. I was just standing there when a bee with a Clipboard came up to me and said, “I see that you’ve recently purchased some HoneyGlazed Pollen Poppers™.”
“Obviously,” I said, beecause I was standing there, holding bag of those things.

Then he asked if I would mind taking part in a Customer Focus Group, and that if I did, they’d give me a dozen of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ for free. Well, who wouldn’t say yes to that? Those are so Ummy-Yummy good™. So for the next 87 minutes, about six, other bees and I were a part of a Focus Group. They wanted to know what we thought the role Snack Foods might play in the upcoming Campaign Season. We all agreed that Snack Foods absolutely play a Significant Role in any Fair Election. They seemed satisfied with our Opinion, so they gave us our free Cookies and that was that.

By the way, and speaking of Fair Elections, I don’t remember if I told you that the Hive is electing a new Queen. Again. Queen Jemima (I think that’s her name, there have been so many), is retiring early from her Royal Duties to do Political Commentary for the Bee Network’s coverage of the Vote. Of course the problem is that Her Majestically Enthusiastic Highness is leaving an Unfortunate Vacancy that nobody really knows what to do about. As a result they’re circulating a Public Input Opinion and Feedback Survey to see what everybody thinks we should do about finding an Acting Queen until the Vote is taken. So far, about 20 Candidates have announced their Candidacies, so as you probably guessed, there are a lot of Potential Queen Popularity Polls beeing conducted these days. In fact, I just got one from Rudy Bee, who has decided to run again. (He’s very persistent.)

Seriously now. All these surveys are beeginning to wear thin, aren’t they?

Sorry to interrupt this, but I hear Kevin knocking at my Door. It sounds as if he’s saying he needs to ask me a few, brief questions about our recent visit regarding my Nectarizer, so I gotta go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature