Georgie's in Trouble



So as I mentioned beefore, my Editor insisted that I show up at his Office, so right after I finished watching my Stories on TV today, I did that.

He was upset. Again.

“Bee,” he said. “do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Do you?”

“No,” I said, beecause I didn’t.

“Well let me just make a couple of things clear to you,” he said, pointing his wing in my face. “First of all, you are NOT authorised to sign any Product Placement Agreements relating to our Publication without my Prior Consent. That includes Product Placement Agreements for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™.”

“About that,” I started to say, “that wasn’t my Idea, and I really didn’t wanna get on the wrong side of Great Grandma Gee’s Gee, so I . . . ,” he didn’t let me finish.

“Bee, never in the Journalistic History of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News has our Sheer Integrity been so drastically compromised by our issuing a promise that we would include commercial references and promotional ads in our News Reports. That would bee downright unethical. And not only that, after you signed that Agreement, you utterly failed to adhere to the Terms of that Agreement when you forgot to include the required Graphic Advertisement for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ in your latest Observation,” he said.

“Oh, that. I kinda forgot to put that in there. My mistake. So I’ll go write myself a Note to remind myself not to forget to remember to include that next time.“ I wanted to leave.

“Unfortunately,” he said, “you have put us in a very bad position, but I’m afraid the Terms of the Agreement you signed are Iron-Clad. There’s no getting out of it. So I expect you to honour the Terms of that Agreement until it expires at 2:00 pm MDST on February 29, 2089. In the meantime, Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ Incorporated is threatening to sue beecause of your Irresponsible Lack of Oversight.”

“Okay, then, see ya’ ” I said. I figured he was done beeing mad at me, so I kept trying to leave.

“Stay right where you are, bee,” he told me, “we’re not done yet.”

I couldn’t help but sense that he didn’t notice that I wasn’t feeling really very much like not leaving and just standing there beeing yelled at, ya’ know? But he went on anyway.

“It has also come to my attention that in your Observation relating to your Colonscopy, the topic of ...how shall I say this... BEE POOP came up. DO I need to remind you that this is a FAMILY publication, and that there are Limits and Guidelines concerning what may or may NOT bee discussed at any time in our Publications. One of those things is Bee Poop. Do we understand one another?”

“Well, yeah, but see it was that David Holston
* guy who brought up that whole thing about Bee...” I started to say.

“Don’t even say it, bee. We’ve heard quite enough from you on this topic. Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that. And now, I’m gonna go apologise to Great Grandma Gee Gee, see if she’ll give me a bunch of her deliciously satisfying Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, and try to convince her not to sue my Editor.

I’m sure I’ve said this beefore, probably, but I never had any idea that I’d end up having such a Controversial Colonoscopy. Seriously now. I just don’t know what to say about any of this, so I’ll just say...

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

GeorgieBee Signature


* Trust me when I say that any similarities beetween or amongst Certain Individuals mentioned in my commentary and other actually living people who might have the same name, or who might even kind of look like each other, whether they’re living or dead, is a total coincidence. No, seriously. I would never usually lie about stuff like that.

Observation #26: Colonoscopic Controversies

Not only did my Editor call me and tell me he wants to see me in his Office promptly the first thing sometime over the next week or so (he sounded as if it was unusually urgent or something), and for sure beefore I share my next Observation with my Beeloved Readers. I’m not sure what that’s all about, but I’m sure he’ll tell me. But even scarier is that I also found out that I’m in Big Trouble with Great Grandma Gee Gee.

First, I was just trying to mind my own buzziness while I was recovering from that Colonoscopy I had last week, when I heard a knock on my Shoebox Door. It was my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin. He said he hadn’t seen me in a long time, and wanted to check in on how I was doing after that Highly Uncomfortable Procedure.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “My stinger area is still mostly sore, but otherwise, I’m fine.”

“I’m pleased to hear that, Uncle, beecause as we all know, you never know how these things will come out. You’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, so it’s mostly a relief to know that I won’t have to bee dealing with administering your Estate yet, probably. You did leave everything to me, right?”

I didn’t know what he was talking about, and was about to say so, but he interrupted me.

“Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked. That was prematurely rude of me. What I really wanted to inform you of is that Great Grandma Gee Gee is highly upset with you. I’ve never seen her in such a tizzy.”

“Why?” I needed to know.

“Remember when you were telling everybody about how you were waiting for your Colonoscopy and how Nurse Beeatrice offered everybody in the waiting room, and I quote, ‘a warm, delicious, freshly-baked Complementary HoneyChew Krisp Cookie’?”

“Yeah,” I said, beecause I did.

“Well, Gee Gee is amazingly upset about the fact that you thoughtlessly failed to credit her for those Cookies. She said, ‘Oh dear, I’m so mad I could spit honey. For the life of me, I don’t know how Georgie could have been so inconsiderate as to forget to mention the fact that those are MY HoneyChew Krisp Cookies. I invented them. I should get some credit.’,” he told me.

I felt terrible. The last thing I want to do is to bee on the wrong side of Great Grandma Gee Gee, or to hurt her feelings. That would bee rude and dangerous. But beefore I could say anything, Kevin reached into a fine Italian Leather Valise he happened to bee carrying and pulled out a thick stack of papers.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I have been authorised to negotiate a formal Product Placement Agreement beetween you, the Party of the Second Part, and Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ Incorporated, the Party of the First Part,” he said very matter-of-factly. “In light of the previously-mentioned Unfortunate Oversight regarding her Cookies, she feels certain you will eagerly sign this Agreement.” Then he gave me a pen.

“A Product Placement Agreement?” I asked.

“Yes,” Kevin said.

“Can’t I just apologize?” I asked.

“That would bee highly civil of you to do, Uncle, but no, she feels that it’s important to avoid future Misunderstandings about all this. It’s just buzziness. Just sign the Documents. It’s better for all Parties concerned,” he said.

“Fine,” I said, so I did that. Then Kevin left.

So just to let you know, from now on, any time I ever talk about Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, I hafta say that whole name and, by way of apology, include a Graphic Advertisement for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ in my next published Observation.

Nothing’s easy anymore, is it? I had no idea that my Colonoscopy would bee so controversial.

I think I’m gonna go take a nap.
Read More…

Observation #25: Colonoscopies

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25


I hafta make this short because, in just a few minutes, I’m gonna have a Colonoscopy. (And just to anticipate what I’m completely sure you’ll bee asking, probably: YES, bees have Colons.) Two days ago, I made the mistake of paying a visit to my Doctor, Ph.Bee, (I accidentally slept on my left Wing night and folded it in half which hurt, a lot). After he was done mostly fixing that, he unexpectedly told me that it was time for me to have a Colonoscopy.

I have to make the Astute Observation that, maybee if I had just stayed home, I wouldn’t hafta bee dealing with any of this, and I’d bee out doing a whole bunch of other, more comfortable things instead of this. But no. Beesides, he told me that if I refused to take his Advice, he “couldn’t take responsibility for the Grim Outcome”.

I really don’t want a Grim Outcome, so fine, I’ll cooperate.

“Bee at the Clinic by NOON on Wednesday, and Bee on time - Or Else,” he said.

“Fine,” I said.

Then Nurse Beeatric came in and gave me a very large Packet of Instructions that was labeled “Welcome to your Adventure in Colonoscopy” which included a bunch of Patient Pre-Colonoscopical Release Forms to bee signed the day of the Procedure, a Medical Health Questionnaire, a Power of Attorney (whatever that is), a “Do Not Resuscitate” Permission Slip, a Coupon for a 10% off a Post-Colonoscopy Wing Waxing at the Wing Waxing Salon, a General Information Sheet, and some very unappealing and complicated Pre-Procedure Procedure Instructions, which instructed me to:

1) Stop eating two days , which I did, mostly, and

B) Precisely 7 hours and 28 minutes beefore the Procedure, drink 128 Fluid Quarts of this awful, nasty-tasting Special Medicinally-Modified Gastro-Intestinal Cleansing Nectar (which was provided). So at mostly exactly at 4:32 this morning, I did that.

Geeeeeeeeze.

I’m not gonna tell you what that stuff does to you. You don’t wanna know. I’m just gonna say that I never want to drink that stuff again. Ever. It does things to you, terrible things I’m just not gonna discuss. At all.

Anyway, I did that, then I showed up right on time. So far, I’ve been waiting over three hours and 73 minutes already (they seem to bee running ahead of the normal schedule), bit I’m still sitting here, doing my best to bee a mostly patient Patient, patiently waiting in the Pre-Procedural Waiting Chamber deep inside the Hive Clinic, and trying not to think about what’s about to happen. (My Stinger Area is already highly sore - and again, I don’t wanna talk about that.)

At the moment, about nine other bees (who also hafta have Colonoscopies) and I are all just waiting, trying not to look at each other like everybody always does when they’re patients patiently waiting in a Waiting Chamber. We’re all hoping that Nurse Beeatrice will finally appear from beehind that large, scary-looking door where all that screaming was coming from, and call our Number, which I hope she does amazingly soon.

The last time any of us saw her, which was about an hour ago, she came out carrying a large platter of Cookies and asked, “Would anyone here like to enjoy a warm, delicious, freshly-baked Complementary HoneyChew Krisp Cookie while you’re waiting?” They smelled so good. Of course, everybody raised their wings beecause everybody’s highly hungry. Nurse Beeatrice just kind of laughed and said, “Well that’s just too bad, beecause if you had read your Informational Packet, you’d know you cannot eat until after your Procedure. Shame on you for asking. In the meantime, your number will bee called shortly, probably.” Then she took all the Cookies and disappeared beehind that large, scary-looking door again.

That’s so mean, isn’t it?

I dunno if anybody else has had to have a Colonoscopy, but I can’t help but notice that it’s not even slightly pleasant, and playing little jokes like that doesn’t make it any better, now does it? Seriously now.

Oh lucky me! Can this bee? Nurse Beeatrice just called my Number and told me (in a not-all-that-nice way) to “get off the Device and Hurry Up”, or I’d lose my turn to bee Oscopied. So I gotta go. I’d let you know how everything comes out with all this, but I already said, I don’t wanna get into that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there.

GeorgieBee Signature

Observation #24: Post-Game Player Interviews


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24

So there I was, watching the final moments of the Pan-Hive Pollen-Hurling Semi-Quarter Nationals (it was a great Game, even if Detroit did lose, again), getting all excited to watch the next Episode of “The Misadventures of Bimini Fatswaggle: A Tale of Woe” that was supposed to start at 8. (I was anxious to find out if Bimini was going to get away with his ruse to convince the Priest that he is not the Bimini Fatswaggle from Bavaria as suspected, but the Bimini Fatswaggle who is the world-renown Nectar Aficionado). But did it start at 8? No, it did not. Instead, somebody decided that it would bee a really great idea to broadcast a bunch of Post-Game Player Interviews. Personally, I think that was a really not good idea.

Have you ever listened to these Interviews? Have you?

First, we all have just finished watching the Game, so we already know what happened, probably, right? Right. So why would anybody think we need to listen to a bunch of Interviews and spend a bunch more time with the whole thing again? It was highly unnecessary.

The On-Field Interviewer asked the first Player she interviewed, “It looked like you were struggling a bit during the First Half, but you came on strong later in the Game to win. Congratulations. How do you feel about tonight’s face-off? ” 

The Player said, “I feel good. I feel real good. I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half. We had some Challenges going into tonight - the Pollen was a bit more sticky than normal - but we all worked hard and pulled together as a Team. It was a tough game, but we’ve got a real good Team, a real good Team, and I know we all feel real good about our win.”

Okay, fine. It was time for my Stories to come on, and this guy just kept talking. He wasn’t even really saying anything all that Informative, but the On-Field Interviewer just wouldn’t stop. For some reason, she decided she needed to interview the Coach, who wasn’t even playing, by the way, the same Question. 

“I feel good. I feel real good,” the Coach said. “I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half. We had some Challenges going into tonight - the Pollen was a bit more sticky than normal - but we all worked hard and pulled together as a Team. It was a tough game, but we’ve got a real good Team, a real good Team, and I know we all feel real good about our win.”

So this went on. And on. And on. The On-Field Interviewer interviewed almost every one of 287 Players who had stuck around, and every, single one of them said the same thing: “I feel good. I feel real good. I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half… .” (You know the rest already, I’m guessing.)

If all that hadn’t been bad enough, then they went to the Commentators in the Control Booth for some Post-Game Analysis. I mean, what’s to analyze? We all know who won the Game and who lost it, so why can’t we just leave it at that? But no. Those guys ended up saying the exact, same things as the Coach and Players did. That was aggravating.

Anyway, by the time the Broadcast ended, it was way too late to show the next Episode I’d been waiting to see, and instead, they showed an old Documentary on the “The Historic Role of Beeswax in Erotic Sculpture”. I’m sure you guessed that I fell asleep during that, and ended up having to go to bed and never finding out whether or not the Priest rats out Bimini. Geeeeeeze.

Luckily, I still have Streaming Services, so I can watch the next Episode any time after 3 this afternoon.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature