December 2018

Observation #24: Post-Game Player Interviews


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24

So there I was, watching the final moments of the Pan-Hive Pollen-Hurling Semi-Quarter Nationals (it was a great Game, even if Detroit did lose, again), getting all excited to watch the next Episode of “The Misadventures of Bimini Fatswaggle: A Tale of Woe” that was supposed to start at 8. (I was anxious to find out if Bimini was going to get away with his ruse to convince the Priest that he is not the Bimini Fatswaggle from Bavaria as suspected, but the Bimini Fatswaggle who is the world-renown Nectar Aficionado). But did it start at 8? No, it did not. Instead, somebody decided that it would bee a really great idea to broadcast a bunch of Post-Game Player Interviews. Personally, I think that was a really not good idea.

Have you ever listened to these Interviews? Have you?

First, we all have just finished watching the Game, so we already know what happened, probably, right? Right. So why would anybody think we need to listen to a bunch of Interviews and spend a bunch more time with the whole thing again? It was highly unnecessary.

The On-Field Interviewer asked the first Player she interviewed, “It looked like you were struggling a bit during the First Half, but you came on strong later in the Game to win. Congratulations. How do you feel about tonight’s face-off? ” 

The Player said, “I feel good. I feel real good. I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half. We had some Challenges going into tonight - the Pollen was a bit more sticky than normal - but we all worked hard and pulled together as a Team. It was a tough game, but we’ve got a real good Team, a real good Team, and I know we all feel real good about our win.”

Okay, fine. It was time for my Stories to come on, and this guy just kept talking. He wasn’t even really saying anything all that Informative, but the On-Field Interviewer just wouldn’t stop. For some reason, she decided she needed to interview the Coach, who wasn’t even playing, by the way, the same Question. 

“I feel good. I feel real good,” the Coach said. “I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half. We had some Challenges going into tonight - the Pollen was a bit more sticky than normal - but we all worked hard and pulled together as a Team. It was a tough game, but we’ve got a real good Team, a real good Team, and I know we all feel real good about our win.”

So this went on. And on. And on. The On-Field Interviewer interviewed almost every one of 287 Players who had stuck around, and every, single one of them said the same thing: “I feel good. I feel real good. I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half… .” (You know the rest already, I’m guessing.)

If all that hadn’t been bad enough, then they went to the Commentators in the Control Booth for some Post-Game Analysis. I mean, what’s to analyze? We all know who won the Game and who lost it, so why can’t we just leave it at that? But no. Those guys ended up saying the exact, same things as the Coach and Players did. That was aggravating.

Anyway, by the time the Broadcast ended, it was way too late to show the next Episode I’d been waiting to see, and instead, they showed an old Documentary on the “The Historic Role of Beeswax in Erotic Sculpture”. I’m sure you guessed that I fell asleep during that, and ended up having to go to bed and never finding out whether or not the Priest rats out Bimini. Geeeeeeze.

Luckily, I still have Streaming Services, so I can watch the next Episode any time after 3 this afternoon.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

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