Observation #13: TMI (Too Much Information)

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13

I noticed something interesting the other day. I suddenly noticed that some amongst us who simply have too much to say. And it doesn’t matter what the Topic might bee - they just have too much to say about it.

Take Bert, my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Artificially-Intelligent Robot iBee - or what’s left of him (as we all know, Bert was drastically wounded when one of those cheap Air Conditioning Units the Snark Brothers installed in the Hive last year fell on top of him . . . ever since then, Kevin’s been trying to piece him back together). Anyway.

I found it necessary to pay Kevin a visit to return the latest copy of the weekly Bee Monthly Issue the other day. I had planned to just buzz in, drop it off, and leave right away; unfortunately, when I walked in, Kevin was holding Bert’s head and he said, “Hey Uncle Georgie, I think I’ve almost managed to get Bert’s Negatronic Brain functioning properly, but I need you to help me run a few, minor tests.”

How could I say no? He’s my Illegitimate Nephew, after all.

“First,” Kevin said, “I need to ask you to ask Bert how he’s doing.”

So I did that. Then Bert (or his head, really) started to hum, his eyes lit up and he started to talk.

“How am I, you ask?” he said. “I will tell you. I am doing fine. My Negatronic Circuits are Sequencing beeyond even the most optimistic projections, and my Sensors are functioning at Maximum Capacity,” he said.

“I’m glad to hear that,” I said (beecause I was…Bert hadn’t been feeling that well after his Air Conditioner Mishap).

“On such a day as this,” he continued, “Wednesday, April 18, 2018 as recorded on the Gregorian Calendar, and at the Current Local Time, which is precisely Nine Hours, 27 Minutes, and 87 Seconds…88 seconds…89 seconds… MARK.”

“Okay, thanks, Bert,” I said, hoping he was done. He wasn’t.

“The Current Outside Temperature…”, he wouldn’t stop talking. “… is a balmy 281.483 Degrees Kelvin. The Relative Humidity is a Delightfully Tolerable 13.11%. The Surrounding Air Mass is traveling at a leisurely 0.2 Kilometres Per Hour at our present location…”.

“Okay, alright,” I said. “That’s about all the Information I need, so you can stop now.”

But he didn’t.

“… and a slightly more brisk 5.3 Kilometres Per Hour outside the confines of the Structure which we currently occupy… “ then his voice trailed off for just a second before he kept talking.

“You know,” he said in a Wistful Whine, “I miss my body. I really do. And do you know one of the first things I’d do if I were still all put together? Let me tell you: I ‘d… .”

Just then, Kevin stepped in and switched him off.

“I think,” he said, “Bert still has a few bugs. He’s never been that Overly Informative beefore.”

“Whatever,” I said, then gave Kevin back his copy of the latest weekly Issue of Bee Monthly, which (I probably forgot to mention) I had borrowed from him, and left.

So now, I’m Highly Informed.

Speaking of which . . . one thing I now know, and am glad that I remembered, is that tomorrow is ButterCup’s Birthday. I buzzed over to see her while she was on her break from the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool the other
day and she asked me if I was gonna forget that again this year, and would I please stop running around telling everybody how old she is (I’ll just say she’s younger than I am), and that underneath all that makeup, she’s actually blue. Anybody who knows me knows that I know when to share and NOT to share, so…

“I would never reveal such Delicate Information, ButterCup,” I told her. “And OF COURSE I’ll remember your birthday! Geeeeeze.”

She just gave me a funny look and went back to her
Redundant Typing.

I need to remember that tomorrow, that it’s ButterCup’s
Birthday. I’m sure I will, probably. I also need to come up with some sort of Massively Unexpected and Useful Surprise for her. Something spectacular. Something that someone turning 29 would need and appreciate.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature



Observation #12: Good Intentions

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12


Am I just imagining this? Or is it possible that I have just awakened on my Absolutely Favourite Day of the Week?

It’s Monday, right? Oh I do hope so.

You’re probably not going to beelieve this, but I really wasn’t planning on sleeping in as long as I have. Seriously.

Fortunately, just a little while ago, I had to get up to go to the bathroom. That’s when I found that “Things To Do on the First Day of the New Warm Season” I left myself beefore I decided to go Dormant. Beeing the Responsible bee that I am, I decided to stay awake and do what the List said I should do.

The first thing on the List was:

A: PAY POWER BILL DUE MARCH 28th!

I was sure I’d bee awake in plenty of time to do that. Apparently, I wasn’t. I suppose that helps explain why it’s so cold in here.

I called the S.P.& L. (Snark Power & Light) to get my Power (and my Personal Space Heater) turned back on, and told them that it was a total oversight on my part and that after all this time, they should have known I was planning to pay my Bill.

“Bee,” they said, “The Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said, and I paid my bill, so at least my heat’s back on.

The next thing on the List was:

2. ENJOY A NUTRITIOUS & HIGHLY INFORMATIVE BREAKFAST

I think we all know that 15 out of every 63 Entomologists recommend starting a New Season with a Hearty, Satisfying, Highly-Informed Breakfast, so I was gonna do that.
I was gonna sit down with a copy of the latest Issue of Bee Monthly Magazine over a pleasingly warm Acorn Cap full of Morning Nectar, some delightfully festive Pollen Flakes, and start Waking Up.

Of course, when I went to fix myself Breakfast, I noticed I was completely out of those delicious Top O’ The Mornin’™ High Protein Gluten-Free Dandelion-Flavoured Pollen Flakes. So. No breakfast.

Then I noticed that I didn’t have the latest, weekly copy of Bee Monthly Magazine I’d planned to read over Breakfast. (Evidently, at some point beetween when I fell asleep and I woke up, I completely forgot to remember to remind myself to send in that Discount Coupon for 87% Off a Renewal to “Bee Monthly” beefore my Subscription expired, which it apparently did just three days ago.) So now, I actually don’t know what’s going on. At all. And I had fully Intended to know. That’s just who I am.

Honestly, you’d think for as long as I’ve subscribed to that Publication, they’d know I wanted to renew my Subscription, but no. They cancelled it, so I called them to give them a Piece of My Mind, which I can barely spare at this particular point in time.

“You should have known I would get around to renewing my Subscription,” I told them. “I always have beefore,” I told them.

“Bee,” they said, “the Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said.

Then they told me that beefore they would Resume Delivery of their Fine Publication, I hafta go to their Offices in person, that I hafta bring at least three forms of ID, provide them with a Letter of Certification of Current Address, and pay a “Resumption of Delivery & Reinstatement of Lapsed Subscription Fee” beefore they’d get around to delivering the Latest Issue. They also said that I’m gonna lose my Inaugural Subscribers’ Subscription Rate, and NO, they wouldn’t accept the Discount Coupon I found in my Sock Drawer this morning for 87% Off a “Seasonal Subscription”.

“That expired 22 minutes ago,” they said. Geeeeeeze.

Seriously now.

Until they finally get around to starting Delivery again (which they told me would take “six to ten weeks to process”), it appears that I’m going to bee Uninformed. That’s highly unacceptable.

So I decided to buzz over to the old Boot Box and ask my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin (who’s still living there with Great Grandma Gee Gee, Gladys HoneyWings, and the Semi-Functional Remains of Bert, Kevin’s Robotic iBee), if I could just borrow the Latest Issue so I can find out what’s actually going on out there.

“Why? You’re not a Subscriber?” he asked. “That surprises me, uncle. Heretofore, I had always regarded you as beeing one of the more Highly Informed Bees around here. I don’t mean to sound insulting, but I find this revelation to bee very disappointing. Are you able to explain yourself?”

So I told him what had happened, told him that YES, I’m a Subscriber, that YES, I’m usually Highly Informed, told him it was never my intention that any of this would happen, then I asked him again if I could just borrow his copy.

“Of course you may,” he said. “but I will have to point out that, even though you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, you’re going to have to start beeing more responsible with your Good Intentions, though I suppose it may bee possible you meant well. Still, the Road to Hell, uncle,” he said, “is paved with Good Intentions.”

I’m pretty sure I had heard that somewhere beefore.

Anyway. After he warned me not to “crease or leave unsightly Wing Marks on the pages”, Kevin gave me his copy of this week’s Issue of Bee Monthly and I left.

Trust me when I say that I plan to read that sometime in the extremely near future and try to find out what’s going on out there. I’m gonna do that right after I catch up on my Stories (I just realised that I hafta watch something like 14of this Season’s “Escape from Bee Island” Episodes - and I hafta watch those beefore the Season Finale tonight!)

Still, I’m sure I’ll get around to catching up on my reading,
and of course, I’ll letcha’ know what I find out.

Until then,
let’s all be Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature