Weirdly enough, S.O.Bee’s Confidential Private Secretary just hung around the whole time in the office doorway, listening to everything. I asked her if she planned to stay for the whole Consultation and she said, “Of course. I am the Confidential Private Secretary for Mr. O.Bee…wan’ to know, bee, anything Confidential that transpires so I can better Organise things for you. I’m here to help, probably.”

Anyway.

After S.O.Bee made me show him the receipt proving that I’d paid half of everything I own for his Retainer, he told me to sit down.

“Sit down,” he said. So I did that.

“I have looked over the details of your case, and recommend that you plead guilty. You absolutely fit the profile of somebody who would commit a Breach of Contract, so I think we can all save ourselves a lot of time and honey if you just Cop to a Plea.”

“Cop to a Plea?” I asked.

“Yes. And despite the fact,” he continued, “that you clearly suffered Extenuating Circumstances - those being the unfortunate outcome of your Plastic Surgery - and ignoring for a moment the fact that a clause in the Contract you signed accommodates for a full release of your Contractual Obligations under the Contract due to the aforementioned Extenuating Circumstances, it could bee argued that you did not, in fact, commit a Breach of Contract.”

“Well that’s good,” I said. “So I wanna plead NOT GUILTY.” He seemed to ignore me and kept talking.

“But, in my experience, despite the Facts of the Case, the Royal Court would still find you Guilty,” S.O.Bee said.

“Why?!? You said yourself I’m NOT Guilty!” I protested.

“That’s what they all say,” he said. “Unfortunately, you fit the Profile. So I am just going to suggest again , as your lawyer, that you Cop to a Plea. You’ll probably have to do some Community Service, pay some Fines and Fees, make Full Restitution to the Snark Brothers and the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company, and you’ll most likely bee on Probation for a few years, and, of course, you’ll have a record, but I think that’s the way we should go with this.”

“Can’t we just have the case dismissed?” I had to know.

“Absolutely not,” he said. “I’ve already cut a Deal on your beehalf with the Royal Court Clerk and the Snark Brothers. pertaining to your case.”

“A Deal? What Deal?” I asked.

“If the Snark Brothers can provide Videotaped Evidence proving your Innocence, then perhaps the Case will bee dismissed. But that’s not gonna happen. So, you should just plead Guilty and we can all collect our fees and bee done with the whole thing.”

Something just didn’t sound right to me about all this, so I said, “NO! I won’t DO IT! I won’t plead Guilty when I’m Innocent - and you’re supposed to defend me. You’re my lawyer!!”

“Yes I am, which is why I’m recommending you plead Guilty.”

“But…” I started to say, but S.O.Bee interrupted me.

“So bee in Royal Court promptly at 9:00 a.m., on Tuesday, June 3, 2047, for your Preliminary Hearing.”

“2047?” I asked. “But that’s 31 years from now. I hafta wait that long?”

“Unfortunately, yes. The Royal Courts are very buzzy these days.”

Geeeeeeeeze.

I’m gonna hafta sit down and do some thinking here. Do I really want a lawyer who thinks I’m Guilty? I just dunno about this.

Well, I hope everybody has a marginally miraculous day!

I’ll see ya’ later!