Georgie prepares for his Plastic Surgery...and his New Novella is available for free download!

Friday, April 8, 2016

I hafta make this quick today, beecause pretty soon I hafta bee at the Hive Clinic to check in for my Pre-Probably-Reversible Plastic Surgical Pre-Op Pre-Orientation. I guess they wanna make sure I understand all the risks beefore they do Surgery on me this weekend.

Geeeeeze. The idea of having to deal with Nurse Beeatrice for the next two days just doesn’t sound like fun at all, ya’ know? For that matter, neither does the Surgery. Oh well, a Contract is a Contract.

Anyway, beefore I go do that, I just want everybody to know that right now, everybody can download a FREE .pdf copy of my New Novella…


Isn’t that exciting?

Just click on the book cover to grab your FREE .pdf copy!
You'll bee glad you did. Probably.

Okay then. I hope everybody has an astoundingly superior weekend!

I’ll see ya’ on Monday, after I get out of surgery!

Georgie's Acting Career seems to bee off to a rough start...

Thursday, April 7, 2016

So when I showed up to my second Acting Lesson yesterday, the only thing I saw was my Acting Coach, Bee Strausbergh, and that Biohazard Suit sitting in a pile on an empty stage. I was incredibly disappointed when I didn’t see any Presents waiting for me, so I asked my Coach about it.

“Where are all the Presents you were talking about?”

He just gave me a funny look and said, “You don’t seem to understand, Bee. YOU are the Presence.”
“I’m the Presents?” I asked.
“No, you are the Presence,” he said.
“How are you spelling that?” I asked.
“P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E,” he spelled it out for me.

Geeeeeze. Talk about beeing disappointed.

Then he told me, “In order for you to fulfil your potential as the face of the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company, beefore you can even think about acting in front of a camera, beefore you attain your dreams of fame and worldwide recognition, you must first learn to command a Stage. It is only on the Stage that your true abilities as an Actor can grow and mature and bee realised.”

Then he told me to get on the Stage and put on the Biohazard Suit.


“I want you to fill the Stage with your Presence. I want you to put every fibre of your beeing into the part and make me feel all the joy, agony, frustration, anger and resolve that the Part demands - and make me laugh, cry, feel the entire range of emotions that are held within your character. I want you to EMOTE!”

So I did that. I put on the Biohazard Suit and Emoted. Or tried to.

After about eight hours of Emoting, my Acting Coach said, “I’m sorry. I just don’t feel it. You seem two-dimensional, as if you were drawn. There just isn’t any life to your portrayal. You’re not owning the part. Also, I can’t really see your face. How will you bee the successful face of the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company if nobody can see your face.”

“I dunno,” I said, wishing I could get out of that Biohazard Suit already, grab a towel and dry myself off.

“There’s only one solution to all of this,” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Plastic surgery. We must enlarge your features so they can bee better seen from the stage - and by the camera.”

Oh geeeeeeze. Plastic surgery? I don’t like that idea at all, but, as Narville Snark keeps reminding me every time I start complaining, “Da Contract is da Contract, Bee.”

So I guess I’ll bee having Plastic Surgery over the weekend.

I just hope it’s reversible.

I’ve been scheduled for a Pre-Surgical Consultation in just a little while, so I’m gonna go do that.

I hope everybody has an amazingly tactful day!

I’ll see ya’ later!

Georgie tell us about his first day of Acting Lessons...

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

I hafta say that my Acting Coach, Bee Strausbergh, makes me work way too hard.

At our first Acting Lesson yesterday, he told me that the first thing I had to do was to put on the Biohazard Suit I’m gonna hafta wear whenever we’re filming those Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company commercials, then do a “Screen Test”.


“I need to see how well you emote for the camera” he said. “I know what I see, but what does the camera see? This Screen Test will help us determine what work needs to bee done for you to truly beecome the face of Amalgamated Paper Spoons.”

So, for about six-and-a-half hours yesterday, I had to wear that Biohazard Suit and, as Mr. Strausbergh kept yelling at me, “Emote! Emote!”.

I wasn’t totally sure what he was talking about, but I Emoted as hard as I could. Unfortunately, no matter how much I tried to Emote, nobody - especially my Acting Coach - seemed at all satisfied. They just kept yelling “Cut!” and screaming at me they couldn’t see me or hear me inside that suit. (Geeeeeze. What did they expect? That thing is almost sound-proof, ya’ know?)

At least I figured out why I was told to bring a towel, though. Have you ever spent six-and-a-half hours in a Biohazard Suit beeing screamed at under hot studio lights? If so, you already know why you’d need a towel. (I should’ve brought along about ten of those.) By the time I got home last night, I’d managed to lose all the rest of the extra weight ButterCup has been complaining about. That means I don’t hafta go to those Exercise Sessions anymore. That’s a good thing.

Anyway, I gotta get going here. I hafta meet my Acting Coach at a local Auditorium in a little while for my second Acting Lesson. I’ve been told that, today, he’s gonna evaluate my Stage Presents. I’m highly excited about that, but I’m probably gonna hafta ask him to help me unwrap whatever Presents I’ll bee getting, especially if I hafta wear that Biohazard Suit again. (I’m bringing extra towels with me this time.)

I hope everybody has a remarkably effervescent day!

I’ll see ya’ later!

Georgie's Acting Classes beegin today...

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Well, I start my Acting Classes today.

The Snark Brothers have spared no expense and have hired the famous and talented Acting Coach Bee Strausbergh (pictured beelow), to bee my Acting Teacher.


He called me earlier this morning to make sure I’m on time for my lesson, then he told me, “My job is to transform you. To not just ACT the part of the face of the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company, but to BEE the face of the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company.”

Then he told me to bring a towel to our first lesson.

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but whatever.

Anyway, I’d love to stick around, but my first Acting Lesson starts in about ten minutes. I’m so excited!

I hope everybody has a mysteriously exquisite day!

I’ll see ya’ tomorrow!

Georgie has a lot on his wings today...

Monday, April 4, 2016

Ya’ know what I think is unbeelievably unfair?

I’ll tell ya’:

Here were are, enjoying the BEST day of the week - Monday - and the fact is, most years we only get about 52 Mondays. Sometimes 53, but still, that isn’t a lot of Mondays, is it? I think there should bee a LOT more Mondays than that, don’t you?

I pretty much figured you’d agree.

Anyway, the Humans Who Think They Can Predict the Future are saying that it’s gonna bee an extra-beeautiful day out today. But can I spend it just lying in the sun? Or maybee taking a leisurely Flying Tour of the Far Meadow to see what flowers are staring to bloom? No. I can’t.

Today, I hafta spend a whole bunch of time memorising the Script for the first TV Commercial I’ll bee doing as the Face of the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company. It’s HUGE, mostly beecause, by Law, I hafta list all the Side Effects and Product Warnings for these Paper Spoons.


(I’ve almost gotten to Page 23, where it goes into more detail about possible Loss of Fuzz and stuff. There are a LOT of Side Effects and Warnings for these things.)

THEN, Narville Snark told me that I hafta start taking Voice Lessons, Acting Lessons, and have Plastic Surgery, probably, to help make me more appealing to the camera. As he put it, “If yous is gonna bee da Face of da Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company, which you is, yous needs ta bee much better looking than yous is, Bee.”


Who knew beeing a TV Personality would bee so much work? And am I really that unattractive??

Anyway. I’d love to stick around and talk about what I did over the weekend, but I gotta go do all that other stuff. (I do want to succeed as a TV Personality, ya’ know.)

So I’m gonna go do that.

I hope everybody has an astoundingly vivacious day!

I’ll see ya’ later!

Under NO circumstances will your data be in any way published or shared with any outside entity or third party. Thanks!