Georgie's Acting Career seems to bee off to a rough start...

Thursday, April 7, 2016

So when I showed up to my second Acting Lesson yesterday, the only thing I saw was my Acting Coach, Bee Strausbergh, and that Biohazard Suit sitting in a pile on an empty stage. I was incredibly disappointed when I didn’t see any Presents waiting for me, so I asked my Coach about it.

“Where are all the Presents you were talking about?”

He just gave me a funny look and said, “You don’t seem to understand, Bee. YOU are the Presence.”
“I’m the Presents?” I asked.
“No, you are the Presence,” he said.
“How are you spelling that?” I asked.
“P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E,” he spelled it out for me.

Geeeeeze. Talk about beeing disappointed.

Then he told me, “In order for you to fulfil your potential as the face of the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company, beefore you can even think about acting in front of a camera, beefore you attain your dreams of fame and worldwide recognition, you must first learn to command a Stage. It is only on the Stage that your true abilities as an Actor can grow and mature and bee realised.”

Then he told me to get on the Stage and put on the Biohazard Suit.

GeorgieRehearsal


“I want you to fill the Stage with your Presence. I want you to put every fibre of your beeing into the part and make me feel all the joy, agony, frustration, anger and resolve that the Part demands - and make me laugh, cry, feel the entire range of emotions that are held within your character. I want you to EMOTE!”

So I did that. I put on the Biohazard Suit and Emoted. Or tried to.

After about eight hours of Emoting, my Acting Coach said, “I’m sorry. I just don’t feel it. You seem two-dimensional, as if you were drawn. There just isn’t any life to your portrayal. You’re not owning the part. Also, I can’t really see your face. How will you bee the successful face of the Amalgamated Paper Spoon Company if nobody can see your face.”

“I dunno,” I said, wishing I could get out of that Biohazard Suit already, grab a towel and dry myself off.

“There’s only one solution to all of this,” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Plastic surgery. We must enlarge your features so they can bee better seen from the stage - and by the camera.”

Oh geeeeeeze. Plastic surgery? I don’t like that idea at all, but, as Narville Snark keeps reminding me every time I start complaining, “Da Contract is da Contract, Bee.”

So I guess I’ll bee having Plastic Surgery over the weekend.

I just hope it’s reversible.

I’ve been scheduled for a Pre-Surgical Consultation in just a little while, so I’m gonna go do that.

I hope everybody has an amazingly tactful day!

I’ll see ya’ later!

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