Unfortunately for him, Georgie's Mandatory Publicist is awfully clever . . .
28/05/15 11:27
Well, now that we've gotten things pretty much settled with my Mandatory Publicist, Trip Snyder, I found out he wants to take a vacation.
"Now that I have all this honey coming in," he said, "I think I'm going to enjoy a nice, leisurely getaway to some far-away, tropical paradise."
I couldn't have been happier to hear him say that, so right away, I found a spare Steamer Trunk for him and started helping him pack all his stuff.
"We're really gonna miss you," I told him, even if I didn't really mean it.
"Not so fast, Bee," Trip said. "If you think for one second that I'm going to leave without beeing able to keep a handle on things around here," (he meant me), "you have another thing coming. Allow me to present a little invention I came up with last night that going to help assure that you that, even if I'm not here, I'm always with you."
Oh geeeeze.
Trip went around the corner for a minute, then came back carrying his "new invention" and a crude drawing about how it works.
"Here," he said, "put this on. I want to make sure it fits properly beefore I leave."
So I did that.
"This," he said, "is what I am calling the 'Maximum Ultra-Range Enhanced Thoracic Antagonizer' - or 'M.U.R.E.T.A', for short."
"What's it for?" I asked.
"Whenever I decide to leave for a vacation - or even if I just need to pop out to pick up some nectar or maybee a bunch of self-improvement books you should read, I will insist that you wear this."
"Why?" I asked.
"Beecause," Trip said, as he leaned closer to me and stood on my foot, "I want to bee sure that you never forget that I'll never bee too far away from you to give you a hug."
"A hug?" I asked. (I don't like Trip's hugs. He squeezes too hard.)
"That's right. Whenever I get the feeling that you might bee missing me, I'll activate the Control Pod - marked "C" on this diagram - which will activate the Device - marked "B" - which you will continue to wear until I return. Using the Control Pod, I will bee able to issue a command to the Device which will administer a hug to its lucky user - you, or "A" on this diagram."
"You want to give me hugs, even when you're not here?" I asked.
"Correct," Trip said. "and, by virtue of the Control Pod, I can make the hug as tight as I want to. Isn't that great?"
(I'd hafta say, "no", but whatever.)
"I have also designed the M.U.R.E.T.A. to bee waterproof and, thanks to the elegantly simple Locking Mechanism, you won't have to worry about the Device ever getting loose or falling off by accident."
"But I can take if off anytime I want to, right?" I asked.
"Oh, no," he said. "That would never do. I couldn't possibly live with myself if I thought you'd forgotten about me, so I'll bee using this as often as possible until my return."
I took a closer look at the plans he'd drawn up and had to ask, "But why do you use the term 'Thoracic Antagonizer' if it's only meant to give me a hug?"
"Oh, that," Trip said. "Well, I guess 'Antagonizer' sounded more accurate than 'Hugger'."
"But..." I started to say until Trip handed me the Device.
"Just strap this on and I'll bee on my way."
"Fine," I said. So I did that. Then we all helped Trip finish packing. (He had to catch an early flight to Miami so he could board a connecting flight on WTF Airlines which will transport him to his final destination.)
Anyway. I've gotta say that, even if this thing is very light-weight (it's made of high-tech beeswax polymers), the Device is highly uncomfortable. Just beefore he left, Trip insisted on testing it by giving me a big hug. It hurt. A lot.
"Good," he said when I mentioned that to him. "It's working perfectly! Bye now."
Then he stuffed the Control Pod in his carry-on bag and left.
As clever as Trip's new invention may bee, I think he could have just gone on vacation and not worried about whether I'd miss him or not. (I wouldn't.) But I guess he's just doing his job.
Remind me to try to find another Publicist one of these days really soon, okay?
Well, it's a beeeeeautiful day out today, so I'm gonna see if there's anything going on in the Far Meadow.
I hope everybody has a tremendously festive day! I'll see ya' tomorrow with more wise and excellent advice from "Dear Georgie"!
"Now that I have all this honey coming in," he said, "I think I'm going to enjoy a nice, leisurely getaway to some far-away, tropical paradise."
I couldn't have been happier to hear him say that, so right away, I found a spare Steamer Trunk for him and started helping him pack all his stuff.
"We're really gonna miss you," I told him, even if I didn't really mean it.
"Not so fast, Bee," Trip said. "If you think for one second that I'm going to leave without beeing able to keep a handle on things around here," (he meant me), "you have another thing coming. Allow me to present a little invention I came up with last night that going to help assure that you that, even if I'm not here, I'm always with you."
Oh geeeeze.
Trip went around the corner for a minute, then came back carrying his "new invention" and a crude drawing about how it works.
"Here," he said, "put this on. I want to make sure it fits properly beefore I leave."
So I did that.
"This," he said, "is what I am calling the 'Maximum Ultra-Range Enhanced Thoracic Antagonizer' - or 'M.U.R.E.T.A', for short."
"What's it for?" I asked.
"Whenever I decide to leave for a vacation - or even if I just need to pop out to pick up some nectar or maybee a bunch of self-improvement books you should read, I will insist that you wear this."
"Why?" I asked.
"Beecause," Trip said, as he leaned closer to me and stood on my foot, "I want to bee sure that you never forget that I'll never bee too far away from you to give you a hug."
"A hug?" I asked. (I don't like Trip's hugs. He squeezes too hard.)
"That's right. Whenever I get the feeling that you might bee missing me, I'll activate the Control Pod - marked "C" on this diagram - which will activate the Device - marked "B" - which you will continue to wear until I return. Using the Control Pod, I will bee able to issue a command to the Device which will administer a hug to its lucky user - you, or "A" on this diagram."
"You want to give me hugs, even when you're not here?" I asked.
"Correct," Trip said. "and, by virtue of the Control Pod, I can make the hug as tight as I want to. Isn't that great?"
(I'd hafta say, "no", but whatever.)
"I have also designed the M.U.R.E.T.A. to bee waterproof and, thanks to the elegantly simple Locking Mechanism, you won't have to worry about the Device ever getting loose or falling off by accident."
"But I can take if off anytime I want to, right?" I asked.
"Oh, no," he said. "That would never do. I couldn't possibly live with myself if I thought you'd forgotten about me, so I'll bee using this as often as possible until my return."
I took a closer look at the plans he'd drawn up and had to ask, "But why do you use the term 'Thoracic Antagonizer' if it's only meant to give me a hug?"
"Oh, that," Trip said. "Well, I guess 'Antagonizer' sounded more accurate than 'Hugger'."
"But..." I started to say until Trip handed me the Device.
"Just strap this on and I'll bee on my way."
"Fine," I said. So I did that. Then we all helped Trip finish packing. (He had to catch an early flight to Miami so he could board a connecting flight on WTF Airlines which will transport him to his final destination.)
Anyway. I've gotta say that, even if this thing is very light-weight (it's made of high-tech beeswax polymers), the Device is highly uncomfortable. Just beefore he left, Trip insisted on testing it by giving me a big hug. It hurt. A lot.
"Good," he said when I mentioned that to him. "It's working perfectly! Bye now."
Then he stuffed the Control Pod in his carry-on bag and left.
As clever as Trip's new invention may bee, I think he could have just gone on vacation and not worried about whether I'd miss him or not. (I wouldn't.) But I guess he's just doing his job.
Remind me to try to find another Publicist one of these days really soon, okay?
Well, it's a beeeeeautiful day out today, so I'm gonna see if there's anything going on in the Far Meadow.
I hope everybody has a tremendously festive day! I'll see ya' tomorrow with more wise and excellent advice from "Dear Georgie"!