Bert, the iBee, saves the day ...
01/09/15 02:50
So, it turns out that Company I was talking about yesterday called back while I was at the Birthday Party for my Human friend, but the only one around to take the call was Bert, Kevin’s iBee. (Kevin and Great Grandma Gee Gee were still not back from visiting with the lawyers, so they were never around to answer the call.)
When I got back from the party, I asked Bert, “Did anybody call?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Was it the representative from the Vita-Ped 4000-XL, Model 28712 Battery-Powered Foot Pampering Soaking Tub Company by any chance?” I asked.
“According to the Caller I.D., yes,” he said.
“SO? What did they say?” I asked him.
“Well, nothing, really. When I answered, I said, ‘Hello. It is Monday, August 31, 2015. The local time is precisely 2:47 p.m. The current temperature is a balmy 297.8167 Degrees Kelvin. Have a nice day.’ Then they just hung up.”
Oh geeeeeze. I couldn’t beelieve he blew the call-back like that.
“You didn’t tell them about the problems I’m having with my Vita-Ped 4000-XL, Model 28712 Battery-Powered Foot Pampering Soaking Tub?” I asked him.
“Well, no,” Bert told me.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Beecause, as I said earlier, they hung up beefore I had a chance to mention it. Beesides,” he said, “it doesn’t matter.”
“Whadya’ mean ‘it doesn’t matter’?” I asked him.
“Well,” he said, “as you might have guessed, I’m very good when it comes to communicating with machines,” he said.
“Yeah. So?”
“So,” he continued, “I had a nice, long visit with your Foot Pampering Unit and, as I beelieve your friend, Meredith, was kind enough to point out to you - and whose advice you ended up completely ignoring - it just needed new batteries.”
“New batteries?” I asked.
“Yes. And, in case you’re curious, I took the liberty of installing them for you,” he said. “It works perfectly now.”
“Thank you?” I said.
“Was that a question? That sounded like a question.”
“No. I was just thanking you.”
“I see. In that case, you’re welcome. Again, if you run into trouble like this again, just let me know. Chances are, I can fix the problem,” he said. Then he made some whirring and buzzing noises and said, “It is Monday, August 31, 2015. The local time is precisely 7:23 p.m. The current temperature is a balmy 294.9278 Degrees Kelvin.”
“It’s cooling off nicely, isn’t it?” I commented.
“Yes, it is,” he said. “By the way: you need more batteries.”
Then he said, “I don’t mean to bee a buzz-kill here, and as much as I’d treasure the opportunity of standing around and engaging in continued idle chatter with you, I must depart. I promised to serve as the Impartial Referee for an Intra-Mural Quarter-Semi-Final Parcheesi Tournament. It would bee a dereliction of my Sworn Duties if I were late, so it is necessary that I leave within the next 11.3 seconds.”
So he did that. He left. But just as he was leaving, Kevin and Great Grandma Gee Gee walked in.
“Where’s Bert going?” Kevin asked.
“Parcheesi Tournament,” I told him.
“Oh, right. He’s refereeing tonight.”
“So he said,” I said.
Then I asked how things went with the lawyers. I’d tell you all about that, but you’ll hafta wait until tomorrow. Right now, I need to pay a visit to the All-Night and Half-the-Day Battery Warehouse and buy some more batteries. I’m completely out and I’ve heard they’re having a “Buy Two Get One More For the Regular Price End of August Sale" which I don’t wanna miss. Then as soon as I get back, I’m gonna soak my feet.
(They’re killing me.)
Okay then.
I hope everybody has a marvellously intriguing day!
I’ll see ya’ later!
When I got back from the party, I asked Bert, “Did anybody call?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Was it the representative from the Vita-Ped 4000-XL, Model 28712 Battery-Powered Foot Pampering Soaking Tub Company by any chance?” I asked.
“According to the Caller I.D., yes,” he said.
“SO? What did they say?” I asked him.
“Well, nothing, really. When I answered, I said, ‘Hello. It is Monday, August 31, 2015. The local time is precisely 2:47 p.m. The current temperature is a balmy 297.8167 Degrees Kelvin. Have a nice day.’ Then they just hung up.”
Oh geeeeeze. I couldn’t beelieve he blew the call-back like that.
“You didn’t tell them about the problems I’m having with my Vita-Ped 4000-XL, Model 28712 Battery-Powered Foot Pampering Soaking Tub?” I asked him.
“Well, no,” Bert told me.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Beecause, as I said earlier, they hung up beefore I had a chance to mention it. Beesides,” he said, “it doesn’t matter.”
“Whadya’ mean ‘it doesn’t matter’?” I asked him.
“Well,” he said, “as you might have guessed, I’m very good when it comes to communicating with machines,” he said.
“Yeah. So?”
“So,” he continued, “I had a nice, long visit with your Foot Pampering Unit and, as I beelieve your friend, Meredith, was kind enough to point out to you - and whose advice you ended up completely ignoring - it just needed new batteries.”
“New batteries?” I asked.
“Yes. And, in case you’re curious, I took the liberty of installing them for you,” he said. “It works perfectly now.”
“Thank you?” I said.
“Was that a question? That sounded like a question.”
“No. I was just thanking you.”
“I see. In that case, you’re welcome. Again, if you run into trouble like this again, just let me know. Chances are, I can fix the problem,” he said. Then he made some whirring and buzzing noises and said, “It is Monday, August 31, 2015. The local time is precisely 7:23 p.m. The current temperature is a balmy 294.9278 Degrees Kelvin.”
“It’s cooling off nicely, isn’t it?” I commented.
“Yes, it is,” he said. “By the way: you need more batteries.”
Then he said, “I don’t mean to bee a buzz-kill here, and as much as I’d treasure the opportunity of standing around and engaging in continued idle chatter with you, I must depart. I promised to serve as the Impartial Referee for an Intra-Mural Quarter-Semi-Final Parcheesi Tournament. It would bee a dereliction of my Sworn Duties if I were late, so it is necessary that I leave within the next 11.3 seconds.”
So he did that. He left. But just as he was leaving, Kevin and Great Grandma Gee Gee walked in.
“Where’s Bert going?” Kevin asked.
“Parcheesi Tournament,” I told him.
“Oh, right. He’s refereeing tonight.”
“So he said,” I said.
Then I asked how things went with the lawyers. I’d tell you all about that, but you’ll hafta wait until tomorrow. Right now, I need to pay a visit to the All-Night and Half-the-Day Battery Warehouse and buy some more batteries. I’m completely out and I’ve heard they’re having a “Buy Two Get One More For the Regular Price End of August Sale" which I don’t wanna miss. Then as soon as I get back, I’m gonna soak my feet.
(They’re killing me.)
Okay then.
I hope everybody has a marvellously intriguing day!
I’ll see ya’ later!